Mark Zuckerberg Admits Kate Green's Facebook Account Was Compromised And "Affected The Elections"

For 11 years, the fabled Mozza Employee of the Month elections had been held as a testament to democracy, equal opportunity, and fairness,  a literal symbol to the rest of the world of the righteousness of the American Way.

But, late Friday afternoon that all took a devastating body shot when, in a stunning interview, Facebook Founder Mark Zuckerberg admitted that the account of Kate Elizabeth Green, the one time Mozza reservationist and current aide-de-camp of Nancy Silverton, had been compromised and "almost certainly had affected the elections."

"Despite our best efforts, Miss Green's account was broken into by Cambridge Analytica who probably leaked it to the Russians," said an often stuttering Zuckerberg in the interview with the Washington Post's  Morty Goldstein, III. "I have meet Kate and I want to personally apologize."

That seemed to incense Goldstein, whose father Morty Goldstein, Jr and grandfather were both Mozza beat reporters for the Los Angeles Times. 

"Hey, Zucks, are there not a whole lot more important apologies to be made than just to Green?  How about one to the Free World?"  Many believe the Russians used this info to let it be known most of the Award winners were Mexicans and some believe that help heighten immigration fears. 

The timing of the Zuckerberg interview was almost to exact as to not be a Hollywood tale as today just happens to be the 11th anniversary of Kate Green's employment at Mozza

Green burst onto the national scene quite by accident at the  first anniversary celebration of Pizzeria Mozza.  Nancy Silverton was giving her now-traditional speech to the troops.  After a few minutes of reviewing the previous 12 months, she unexpectedly said "And we owe it all to,"  At that very moment, she paused, comedic timing magnificent, and pointed haphazardly to the lovely reservationist who just happened to be seated at the right place at the right time and Nancy said "We owe it all to Kate Green."

Recalling the moment Tuesday with Jamal Dauda, she said "Most of the people looked at me and said "Who the fuck is Kate motherfucking Green?"

In London tonight, Nancy herself recalled being in the office during the early weeks of Green's employment.

"I thought the only words she could speak were "Pizzeria Mozza" and "Osteria Mozza", Silverton said. "Let's just say her vocabulary has increased, uh, dramatically."

Reached by cell, Green was asked by Morty Goldstein about her thoughts about Nancy and the entire Mozza La Famiglia.  The phone went silent.   Her vocabulary had failed her. 

A minute later she was asked if she had anything to say to Mark Zuckerberg."

"Yeah, I sure," she said loudly. "Zuckerberg can go fuckerberg himself."

Did that mean she .would delete her Facebook account?

"Oh, no, Morty. Even if I wanted to I couldn't  There's too many people out there that want to see photos of me.  Did you see the one of my drinking on some Krug?   I don't like to brag, but that's some Clos du Mesnil, 2002. 

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