Portland's Salt & Straw Ice Cream Victorious at The Forum

"We now go LIVE to The Forum in Inglewood where Martell "Three Scoops" Hauser is standing by with breaking news on tonight's big showdown between two of the West Coast's top ice creams. Three Scoops?"

Cut To: Martell Hauser standing in front of The Forum.

"Walter, the battle between "The Portland Punisher", Salt & Straw's Sea Salt Ice Cream with Caramel Ribbon against Sweet Rose Creamery's Salted Caramel was billed as the first big match of 2014, but, in the end. the Punisher lived up to his name, besting the Los Angeles contender in  several key categories, including caramel explosiveness, temptation. depth of flavor, saltiness and balance. A tour de force for Salt and Straw."

Cut to a Close Up : A fork going into the pint of S & S, Portland's much-heralded, now-nationally acclaimed ice cream, slowly twirling amid the caramel ripple and pulling out a white and gold-veined mound of lusciousness.

Hauser, Voice Over - "It was a masterful performance by the Portland ice cream company which started in 2011 by cousins Kim and Tyler Malek.  The popular Sweet Rose came out to the wild cheers of locals. but it was clear early on. that, as fine an ice cream as she is, the Punisher was too much."

Cut To Hauser.  He walks up to an excited - and clearly drunk -  man among the throngs exiting the Forum. "What did you think of the fight tonight?"

Fan. "Salt and Straw was overpowering. Deep flavor! You feel me? Deeeeeep!  I think he could be one of the great ones. For a packaged pint of ice cream, I think this coldsta' is going to be hard to beat. The Punisher!" 

"Hauser - "Would you like to see a dream fight with Salt & Straw's Caramel Ribbon going against Salty Peanut Butter from Pizzeria Mozza Newport Beach?"

Fan - (Suddenly, subdued, even analytical) "Yes, I would. Any ice cream fan, any gelato fan would, but, in the end, Salty is Formula One. and it wouldn't be a fair fight. But, for packaged Ice cream, i think Salty and Straw is the best thing going."

Hauser -  "I agree. Even at $11 a pint. Live from The Forum, this is Martell "Three Scoops" Hauser."

Just as the camera cuts away. a woman in a Sweet Rose Creamery T- Shirt takes a wild punch at Hauser. 

Cut To - The Studio and anchor Walter Black. "It's getting crazy at the Forum. I really do like Sweet Rose, but I'll have to get some of that Portland stuff."  

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Salt & Straw Ice Cream  http://www.saltandstraw.com/index.php  is getable in Los Angeles at Joan's On Third"  ( http://www.joansonthird.com/ ) which is at 8350 W. 3d Street (east of La Cienega and west of Noodles Stories ) in Los Angeles.

Some of the other S & S flavors they might be lined up next to Sea Salt Ice Cream with Caramel Ribbon are Grandma Malek's Almond Brittle with Salted Ganache, Honey Balsamic Cherry with Cracked  Pepper, Chocolate with Gooey Brownies and Pear with Blue Cheese. Not that again! 

(A good house guest turn me on to S & S's Caramel Ribbon based on a tip for Sarah St. Lifer, the patron saint of prison inmates,)

Sweet Rose's newest store is at 7565 W. Beverly Boulevard, (about a mile northeast of Noodle Stories.)  http://www.sweetrosecreamery.com/   A pint here is $9.  Ryan Di Niccola, sous chef at Chi Spacca, raves about the Caramel Apple Granola (CAG) ice cream of Sweet Rose Creamery. A possible match between the CAG and the Punisher could be in the works. Many SRC loyalists were upset with the outcome tonight. But, that Sweet Rose's Salted Caramel even went one-on-one with the Punisher, that the match drew a sell out crowd at the Forum, that it was licked, even in defeat, is a statement of its goodness.  

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Photo taken fro outer space of Salt and Straw's Sea Salt Ice Cream with Caramel Ribbons 

"Little Miss Salty" To File Lawsuit Against Angeleno Magazine

Calling it "beyond insulting", lawyers for Butterscotch Budino said they would file a Federal "Defamation of Character" lawsuit against Angeleno Magazine’s “Modern Luxury Digital Edition” for listing the Pizzeria Mozza legend as the 67th best dish in Los Angeles. 

Adding insult to one of America’s most beloved desserts, affectionately known as “Little Miss Salty”, was that a cousin, Chi Spacca’s Tomahawk Chop, was listed #1 of the city’s 101 “Must Try Tastes” by the online edition.

"We're happy for Tomahawk Chop’s recognition,” said Budino spokesman Duke Feldmeier. “Tom’s a good dude and he’s worked hard to be a champ. And I’ll raise a glass to Chad and Ryan and the whole staff there, too. But, to list Little Miss Salty as 67th?! That’s tantamount to saying we’re overrated. That’s sum bullshit.”

Mozza owner Nancy Silverton threatened to immediately pull Little Miss Salty off both the Pizzeria and Mozza2Go menus.

“I’m not going to have the 67th best dish, or, really, the 34th worst good dish in the city on my menu,” said Silverton, who added that replicas and even straight-out copycats of her and pastry chef Dahlia Narvaez’s budino (pudding) are served at more than 185 countries worldwide, most recently Namibia, Ceylon, Burkina Faso and Arizona.

News that the “close-your-eyes” good, “ooooh”-inspiring budino would be removed from the menu sent Wall Street into a tizzy and prices soaring for the dessert. As we went to print, the price for a single order of Butterscotch Budino was $475, exorbitant for some, but well within the budget for most Angeleno subscribers.

Silverton said the only consolation was that the 65th “must try” dish was the storied #19 pastrami w/coleslaw sandwich at Langer’s Deli.  “Maybe being in the rollin 60s is the best part of the list. You feel me?”

Two of the most acclaimed restaurants in the city, Melisse and Providence faired only slightly better than Pizzeria Mozza. Melisse chef Josiah Citrin’s  rotisserie chicken (with black truffles stuffed under its skin) came in 49th and Providence chef Michael Cimarusti’s “Chowda” ( a fancy clam chowder) came in 52nd.   

(For the ranking record, the grilled octopus at Osteria Mozza was listed 39th.)

Meanwhile, at Mozza’s “Magic Kingdom” corner of Highland and Melrose, there was jubilation at Chi Spacca for Tomahawk’s number one rating. When asked what the staff did to celebrate after hearing the news, General Manager Theresa Gluck said “We got tore up. Had a blast, if i remember correctly.”

Spacca's assistant manager Kate Blue gave Gluck a hard side-five and the two yelled "We're number one!" 

On the legal front, lawyers for Little Miss Salty are expected to formally files papers Monday morning at the United States Courthouse in the Edward R. Roybal Federal Building on Temple Street.  

Spokesman Feldmeier urged fans of Butterscotch Budino to come to the courthouse and show their support. "Little Miss Sunshine's been through a lot this week," Feldmeier said. "A show of love would be much appreciated."

##

Butterscotch Budino Recipe

http://www.latimes.com/food/dailydish/la-dd-butterscotch-budino-20131019,0,2464049.story#axzz2s6mXa5PT

Texted recipe of Tomahawk Chop from Chad Colby

"Double bone pork chop with all of the belly attached, Salt pepper fennel seed - grilled for 45 minutes -served mid rare with the belly chops charred through  (Easily #1)"

For a listing of the 101 dishes, try this; http://www.modernluxury.com/angeleno/digital-edition

Budino (2).jpg



"Dangerous" Salted French Butter Is Despised By Its American Peers

Despite the fancy gold packaging with its elegant flowing script, despite the cute, raised imprint of a cow atop its bright McLaren Yellow disc, and despite the unabashed praise from Los Angeles’ finest chefs calling it the best butter available in America,  Buerre de Barrate from Rudolphe Le Meunier is not a solution.

No, this non-violently churned, fermented cream French butter from Normandy, as delicious as it tastes, is a problem.

"This butter is dangerous," says novelist Ruth Reichl, who is staying at the house I live in and is perhaps best known as the wife of former CBS News producer Michael Singer.  "With a loaf of bread, I could go through all of this butter."

As Ruth, a former newspaper restaurant critic, goes on  - she likes the unsalted more -  and on about my butter, -I'm thinking "Great. I finally get this exclusive butter and Nancy has to have a butterholic move in.  I'll probably end up having to stash this stuff in the crisper, under some celery.”

The Buerre de Baratte from Rudolphe Le Meunier came to me from the generous Josiah Citrin, chef owner of the Michelin two-star Melisse in Santa Monica.  His chef de cuisine, Ken Takayama, had told me they were now using this butter, so I emailed Josiah who promptly sent me three 250 gram discs, two of them salted.

"This is the best butter in America," Citrin said. “It has a funky umami flavor. We glaze fish and lobster with it as well as bake scallops with it. We also use it soft to brush on meats and fish before serving. The salted is for bread.”

(Note: Repeated efforts to find out what “umami flavor” actually is were unsuccessful>)

“It’s the same butter as Walter is using,” Josiah says.

Walter is Walter Manske of Republique who first told me about this butter in December. My boy Walt can talk. He started in on the Buerre de Baratte and I thought I might be here a while. Did I put enough in the La Brea Avenue parking meter?  But, then, suddenly, he handed me four  golfball-sized, plastic-wrapped salted butters.  With his wife Margarita's baguette, it was the combo.

The day before the butter arrived, Nancy, lunching at Connie and Ted’s, asked chef Michael Cimarusti, who owns the Michelin two-star Providence, about the butter. He raved, too.

“It tastes like butter is supposed to taste like,” Cimarusti says. “You know he won the MOF.”

“He” is this French cheesemonger Rudolph (aka Rudy) Le Meunier and the “MOF” is the coveted - and nearly impossible to pronounce – Un Des Meilleurs Ouvriers de France – an award given out every four years to the best craftsmen in France. (For the record, that Ruth lady pronounces it flawlessly and, I may add, rather smugly, though she does have a terrifically infectious smile when she says it.) Rudy, who won the MOF in 2007,  doesn’t actually make the butter, but, as an affineur,  gets the goods from farmers in Normandy, the seat of butter power.

Alex Brown, the general manager  and cheesemonger for Gourmet Imports in Alhambra who brings in the goods, likens Rudy to the guy who goes to the farm and selects the best peaches. Brown said that Ludo Lefebvre also get the butter for Trois Mec.

Last Saturday, while I'm in Watts writing a story about a gang battlefield turned park, (http://krikorianwrites.com/blog/2014/1/25/the-wonderful-transformation-of-kartoons-battlefield) Nancy calls to tell me the butter has arrived via Fed-Ed. The next morning we - Silverton, Singer, Reichl and myself  - try the butter, plain and salted, straight and on a toasted La Brea Bakery batard. Singer says “umm, it’s really great.”. Reichl makes the now-infamous “this butter is dangerous” comment.

But, it’s Nancy who gives it the highest honor, She takes a bite, and slowly nods five times, There’s joy among the cows of Normandy. There’s jubilation at the Rudolph Le Menuier household. The MOF committee feels justified. Nancy Silverton has just awarded the butter Five Nods. (Silverton last gave “Five Nods” to the Salty Peanut Butter gelato at Pizzeria Mozza Newport Beach.)

Me, I just eat the butter. And eat some more. I’m content.

Unfortunately, this report is not all positive.

The feeling of contentment does not reign throughout Nancy’s kitchen. Soon, dissent prevails. It’s my fault. Perhaps foolishly, but dutifully, I ask some other butters in the kitchen their thoughts.   

Donald "Four Sticks” Challenge, a butter from a Los Angeles family which dates back to 1911, said when it comes to choosing a butter, priorities matter.

"Yes Baratte is an excellent butter, but very expensive,” said Four Sticks, taking a moment to size up a nearby  English Muffin. “Booooy, I could smoother her. You feel me? Where were we? Oh, yeah. Rudy's butter. Thing is, do you want an excellent butter or do you want a good butter and be able to afford an education for your children? Me, I'm a good, solid butter, Will I get work in Alsace at "L’Auberge de L'iIl? Probably not. But, if you want to send your kids to a good college and have a good butter as well, I'm your guy.

Other butters were not so diplomatic.

"This goddamn French butter comes to Nancy's frig and it's like Bastille Day with Charles of Gaulle as the Grandmaster," said a bitter tube of Vermont Butter. "I'm mean Jesus Christ, Nancy Silverton and Ruth Reichl are acting like Escoffier himself is coming to dinner. The gang reporter actin’ like he just discovered uranium or sum shit. Look, I've won several awards for American butter, but did anybody even notice me. No."

But, what really infuriated the other butters in Nancy’s kitchen was the care I took in rewrapping Le Meunier. In an effort to keep refrigerator odors, which will leach onto a butter like Richard Sherman onto Michael Crabtree, I rewrapped the Baratte, then put the disc in a large zip-lock bag which I personally sucked sealed.  

"Nobody even considered our exposure to the elements in the ice box, " said Plugra, who calls himself “European Style”. "I’m left out here with pea shoots and leftover pork meat pizza and Zeus knows what else.  Meanwhile, the Highfalutin “cultured” butter from fancy France is wrapped up, no, swathed up like he’s the infant Jesus. And what’s with the label “cultured” butter? Like he knows Caravaggio? Culture this.”

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Check Krikorian on Twitter - @makmak47

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Buerre de Baratte from Rudolph La Meunier, which costs roughly $18-$20 a pound,   is usually available at Nicole’s Marktet in South Pasadena, http://www.nicolesgourmetfoods.com/,  DTLA Cheese in the Grand Central Market http://www.dtlacheese.com/ and Urban Radish in the Arts District downtown http://www.urban-radish.com/ On the East Coast, Formaggio Kitchen often carries this butter. http://www.formaggiokitchen.com/

Gourmet Imports is in Alhambra (626) 570-6900 http://www.gourmetimports.com

For more info about Rudy, check www.rodolphelemeunier.com

IF you understand French, check our boy out talking, I think, about butter on You Tube, http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=75uJKbGM6IM

EXTRAS

This report is about butter that is “available” in America.  Diane St. Clair in Orwell, Vermont makes some desirable butter at her Animal Farm, but it all goes to Thomas Keller for his French Laundry and Per Se, Barbara Lynch in Boston at No. 9 Park and Patrick O’Connell at the Inn at Little Washington.

Pim Techamuanvivt of the popular blog  "Chez Pim" makes superb butter for Manresa in Los Gatos where David Kinch rules. 

The Ferrari (or McLaren), of French butter is Bordier, but it is not available in America as it uses unpasteurized cream.

In “cultured” butter, the cream is first inoculated with micro-organisms that convert the sugars in the milk to lactic acid, then it’s churned.

TWO memorable butter quotes:

"Beurre beurre, donnez-moi du beurre, toujours du beurre" This is a famous saying of Fernand Point which means "Butter butter, give me butter, always butter."

"I alwasy give my bird a generous butter massage before I put it i the oven." -Julia Child.

Though I don't know if there's an actual quote, I know that butter plays a pivotal role in a key scene of the Marlon Brando movie "Last Tango in Paris".

For the NIGHT FINAL

As of press time, Buerre de Baratte from Rudolph Le Meunier is being held in protective custody in the closed lid section of Nancy Silverton’s refrigerator. A bodyguard, a tub of lard from Culiacan, Sinaloa, has been hired to protect the French butter from its American counterparts.  

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Matt Kuchar Tries To Explains the PGA to Nancy, Double Bogeys

A tall, lean man smiles warmly and introduces himself to me as "Matt" at the opening cocktail party on the grounds of the Mauna Lani Bay resort in Kona, Hawaii. We shake, I identify myself and begin my standard opening inquiry. "Where you from? 

Matt is from Georgia, and adds "I'm a professional golfer."  Good for him, I think. This guy is like a club pro or maybe teaches rich kids how to uses a wedge. Probably living the life, though. At that point, Nancy S comes by and I intro them, and he starts explaining to Nancy the levels of professional golf, the highest being the PGA tour which this guy Matt plays in. Hmmm, maybe the guy can play.

But, he can't convey to Nancy the elite-ness of the PGA tour. "What's your sport? Baseball? Football?" Matt asks. Nancy shakes her head. "Soccer, then?" No. He switches gears, knowing Nancy is a chef. "I'm Ukrainian. My last name is Kuchar. That means "cook" in Ukranian."

This guy is Matt Kuchar one of the best, most popular golfers in America. Later, when I text a photo of me and my boy Matt Kuchar together, to Matt Molina, a golfer and chef, he emails back "Koooooooooouch!" . Matt Kuchar is so loved he has that Looooooooou Pinellla, BRuuuuuuuuuuuuuce Springsteen thing going on.   

Turns out Matt and his wife Sybi have heard often of Mozza. as his former agent Andy Kipper (I think)  was a regular when he lived in Los Angeles. We chat about a few things including Georgia, (the state)  which is also where Sybi is from.  I use most of my Georgia knowledge up by saying "Augusta National. The Masters."

And that's the thing that gets me right there. Matt Kuchar came in 3rd place in the 2012 masters. He was even tied for the lead on the back nine in the fourth round. But, when I bought up the Masters, he didn't say a word, Sybi and Matt just briefly glance at each other and smiled. Cool, Georgia style.

Matt Kuchar in Kona.

Matt Kuchar in Kona.





Chef Michael Voltaggio Brutally Attacked by Sea Urchin

Chef Michael Voltaggio was jumping off volcanic rocks Sunday afternoon in Kona when he was viciously attacked by one of Hawaii's most notorious sea urchins who embedded 17 needles in the chef's right leg.

Despite nearly hysterical pleas from a local woman that he be transported to the emergency room of Kona Community Hospital, Voltaggio gallantly "manned-up", shrugged off the pain, limped into a kitchen and finished dessert - oven-roasted pineapples with Haagen Daz Vanilla - for a group of friends and fellow chefs including Jonathan Waxman, Dahlia Narvaez and Nancy Silverton who were in Kona for a James Beard Celebrity Chef food event. 

Voltaggio, who won the "Top Chef" competition in 2009,  had been with several people including Mauna Lani Bay chef Allen Hess, Barcadi head mixologist Manny Hinojosa and champion paddler Grace Emanuel who were climbing rocks and jumping into the ocean after a leisurely lunch. Voltaggio went off by himself and was climbing to a dizzyingly height when he was attacked by the sea urchin. who is apparently known locally as "Lurch the Urch". The chef, who owns Ink on Melrose Avenue in Los Angeles, pulled out the 17 stickers.

"Lurch the Urch is the meanest sea urchin I have ever known," said a local man speaking on the condition of anonymity for fear of retribution "Lurch has attacked at least a dozen humans and probably 45, 50 mahi-mahi that I know of."

A woman said the sea urchin had one goal in mind when he attacked Voltaggio; homicide.

"That sea urchin wanted to kill him, so other humans will hear about it and leave sea urchins alone," said Sara Kutler, a Bel Air resident who lives in Hawaii part-time and has herself been bite by sea urchins four times. "Why else do you think the sea urchin attacked him but to kill him? It is about protecting their own species"

Kutler, who was once hospitalized for several days due to a sea urchin attack, passionately urged Voltaggio to pour human urine over the leg wound because, she said, pee was the only remedy. But, Voltaggio was adamantly against being peed on. When his girlfriend, documentarian Jamie Schribner, suggested he go outside and pee on himself, Voltaggio replied, "I'll piss on my leg when you shit on your arm." She declined the offer.

Still, the pleas continued and Voltaggio while attempting to soak the wounded leg and knee in white wine vinegar, a mysterious warm bottle of Perrier appeared and a man poured it over Voltaggio's leg.

"What is that?," said Voltaggio. "What is that? It's warm. That shit is warm. Is that piss?"

While the pouring man walked away. Voltaggio spotted Nancy Silverton seated nearby and asked her "Is it your pee, Nancy? Is it? If it is, then it's good. If it's anyone else's, then we've got a problem." 

To Voltaggio's surprise,  and to the delight of his friends,  the wound seemed to improve after the mystery pee was applied.  But,  less than an hour later, the pain was back. As of early morning Monday, it was uncertain if Voltaggio would seek medical attention.

Voltaggio, who has several tattoos, listened with interest when Nancy proposed a solution to hide the marks left by the attack.

"Get a new tattoo. Get one of a sea urchin right over where he bite you."

*Note - The latest menu of Ink online does not list anything with sea urchin  Expect that to change.   

Chef Michael Voltaggio after a brutal attack

Chef Michael Voltaggio after a brutal attack

Before the attack, Voltaggio hanging loose, Silverton telling a photographer to fuck off.

 

 

 

Mozza Gelato Wars; Dahlia Narvaez Vows to Retake #1 Ranking

After hearing the salty peanut butter gelato at Pizzeria Mozza Newport Beach had been ranked number one in the World Gelato Ratings (WGR), Mozza head pastry chef Dahlia Narvaez vowed to reclaim the top position for the flagship in Hollywood South.

"Dahlia is answering the challenge," said Mozza owner Nancy Silverton, who helped the Newport restaurant capture the top rating when she gave the salty peanut butter gelato the nearly mythical "Five Nancy Nods" during a recent lunch. 

Sources say Narvaez, a James Beard Award finalist, will be turbocharging her entry for the upcoming WGR Olympics.  She will not be making salty peanut butter gelato,  but rather salty chocolate peanut butter gelato.

Narvaez and Silverton flew to Hawaii to sample several salts that could help the storied Hollywood South restaurant recapture the  #1 spot in the WGR. Among the salts sampled were "Kona Gold" and "Maui Wowie!". Though some Hawaiian insiders questioned the purity of those particular salt, no one denying they were getting plenty of "nods" from Nancy in test runs.

Other obstacles have arisen as well. Henry Weinstein, legal analyst for Krikorian Writes, said the addition of chocolate to the peanut butter, would not constitute a violation of WGR rules, but could "border on sensory overload and might backfire."

Let the  gelato wars begin.

Secret meeting was held in Kona, Hawaii to retake #1 spot in World Gelato Ratings

Secret meeting was held in Kona, Hawaii to retake #1 spot in World Gelato Ratings

SOUTHSIDE, "Dark Graphic Urban Thriller" - Genre Go Round

SOUTHSIDE REVIEW - L.A. Times reporter Michael Lyons works the street beat with his prime focus on members of gangs as he has the uncanny ability to put a human face on these seemingly interchangeable dangerous miscreants. Near his office, Michael stops at his favorite haunt the Redwood Saloon where affectionately he is known as “Hit’n’Run” for his frequent quickies. However, this time when he leaves the bar in daylight, someone shoots Lyons.
 

While he recovers from his wound, his journalist peers form a pool as to whom the trigger is and why. LAPD fails to find the culprit while the L.A. Times editorials rip the cops for incompetency and complacency until the police release a tape in which Michael eloquently explains the truth of being shot to a gang-member. While the shooter begins targeting other victims including the younger brother of incarcerated gangbanger Big Evil, a fired Lyons starts an investigation in the grim impoverished Southside.
Those who live on the means streets of LA own this dark graphic urban thriller; as the investigation highlights their grim existence. Fast-paced throughout, readers will appreciate entering the Lyons’ Den; escorted not by the late great New York columnist Leonard Lyons, but by a disgraced Los Angeles reporter working the gang circuit.

- Reviewed by Harriet Klausner

Homicide Detective Megan Tropea appears in Southside ,  

Homicide Detective Megan Tropea appears in Southside ,  

Salty Peanut Butter Gelato Catapults to #1 in World Rankings

She takes a forkful of salty peanut butter gelato at Pizzeria Mozza in Newport Beach and nods. Then nods again. Then nods again. Then nods a fourth time. Then, in the rarest of all food compliments, Nancy Silverton nods a fifth time, and says "It's good."

Let them have their three Michelin stars, the four from the New York Times. Five nods from Nancy, that's the ultimate.

I'd have given it five nods, too, if I wasn't preoccupied relishing this extraordinary gelato, which was listed as "peanut butter" this Sunday, but will be changed to "salty peanut butter" because that is what it is. I told chef Emily Corlis that this stuff crept right up to the salt limit wall, but didn't go over, Corlis concurred, saying she "One more grain and it would have been too salty."

But, it's not just the saltiness. It is the creaminess, the pure essence of peanut butter taste that make this worth, not "a journey" as Michelin says of their three star rating, but worth "a brief jail stint". Not at County. I'm not going to over do it. But, worth a night in Hollywood Division, probably two in West Valley. 

Pastry chef Dahlia Narvaez first put peanut butter gelato on the Mozza menus several years back and it comes and vanishes on the menus, which is good. For me, at least.  It's at Newport now and at PIzzeria Mozza in San Diego, though their version is not as salty.  Chef Emily gave credit to Mozza cook Daniel Troyano for making this batch of gelato. This guy should retire right now. Go out like Koufax.

I wrote here about  "The Year in Ice Cream" as 2013 ended, focusing on my yearning for Haagen Daz Chocolate Peanut Butter and, more recently, Steve's Salty Caramel and Jeni' s Salty Czramel. But, nothing I had in 2013 was as good this Salty PB.

I had four or five forkfuls in the kitchen when we walked in, then about a third of a serving portion as an appetizer. I gave it back to pastry chef Annabel and said bring it back for dessert. We ate a tri colore salad, broccolini and good roast chicken.  Then, along with butter praline gelato and rocky road gelato pie, the Salty PB was back.  

"Is it as good as you remember?, Emily asked. "You know, from an hour ago?"

It was. I don't know how long the salty peanut butter gelato is going to be on the menu at Pizzeria Mozza Newport. But, if someone asked me what's the greatest ice cream who ever lived, this Salty PB gets my nod.

The greatest gelato who ever lived

The greatest gelato who ever lived


Dan "Salty" Troyano made te batch of gelato that has shocked the ice cream world

Dan "Salty" Troyano made te batch of gelato that has shocked the ice cream world

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Salty PB.JPG

 

  

 

 

The Year in Ice Cream; 339,150 Calories in 1 Flavor

If not for being in Italy six weeks this summer, I would have consumed 300 pints of Haagen Daz Chocolate Peanut Butter ice cream in 2013. Even with the trip, the storied 300 figure was attainable, but in early December I bought a pint of Steve's Salty Caramel and the Chocolate Peanut Better (CPB) consumption dropped dramatically. I'll end 2013 with about 285 CPB pints total or .780 ppd*. At 1,190 calories per pint, that's over 1/3 million calories for the year. These stats are certainly good enough to make a local ice cream team, but hardly Hall of Fame numbers.

Before I get into the Steve's Salty Caramel, here's a recap of my recent  ice cream career. 

It was Fall of  2012 when Haagen Daz Chocolate Peanut Butter ice cream became, in a newly booze-banned life, my new drink. And like Jack Daniels and Smirnoff Red before it, it became a problem. 

It seemed no different than my addiction to alcohol. I had to have it. I began to make excuses to the woman I lived with, Nancy Silverton, why I had to go back in the house as we were pulling out the driveway. I forgot my wallet, my cell phone. Before, I'd rush back for a gulp of wine from the bottle. Now, it was a forkful of ice cream from the carton.

And I had fallen for a very popular flavor. Too many times CPB would be sold out. There'd be 14 goddamn flavors of Haagen Daz and no chocolate peanut butter. Still, when it was available, I would buy only one at a time. That was my so-called discipline, even knowing I'd be back at the store the next day. To ward off the frequent dreaded "none-available" situation. I rift off a classic tactic of the drunk: Stashing.

I used to stash bottles of vodka, or cheap syrah in the garage or guest bedroom closet. Now I was stashing CPB. Not in the house, in the supermarket. I soon became aware that the Haagen Daz Green Tea was always available. So I would place a CPB about four or five pints back in the green tea line up. Maybe you saw me. I was that guy with his arm all up in the cold cases.

That brilliant tactic came through four, five times at the Ralph's at 3rd and La Brea and the Pavilion ( a Vons with less black people)  at Vine and Melrose. 

I'd watch "The Wire", (my favorite work of art)  or "Breaking Bad" (my second favorite TV show) with the ice cream and I was content. 

So one November day, I'm at the Gelson's on Hyperion and I randomly get a Steve's Salty Caramel. What the hell, try something different. Caramel and salt.  Good combo, right? Plus the price tag was intriguing, too. $6.75 a pint.. Not like this brand called Jeni's Splendid which is $10.95 a pop, but still about three bucks more than Haagen Daz.

Back at the house. I put on some Breaking Bad (the one where Hank gets shot) and took a forkful on this Steve's Salty Caramel. Sensations sped to Taste Buds Mission Control Center. Yeah. That first mouthful and I knew  this was some special. The white caramel ice cream. swirled with salty caramel veins was so luxurious, so creamy. And what a good mouthfeel. I rolled it around my mouth like it was '82 Pichon Lalande.   

I didn't admit it to myself at first, - it took nearly a week - but, I started to crave the Salty Caramel more than the CPB. Perhaps damaged by too much frozen cream traveling near my brain, I felt my loyalty was being tested and that loyalty was losing. It was like I had dropped a dear old comrade for a flashy newcomer.

I went to San Francisco for a week in early December and did without Steve's. but not willingly. I called two Whole Foods (who, along with Gelson's, stocks Steve's), but they didn't have Salty Caramel. Looking to others for relief, my nephew and I packed his Twin Peaks freezer with more pints than I have ever seen in a home kitchen. Bi-Rite Creamery's Salted Caramel, Three Twins' Sea Salted Caramel, Mission Hill Creamery' Salted Caramel Strauss' Egg Nog, Three Twins' Dad's Cardamom, Haagen Daz's Pralines & Cream and some others. They were all good. though none matched Steve's Salty Caramel's lusciousness.

My nephew's freezer 

My nephew's freezer 

Then, back home, just a few weeks in as the new Sir Scoop, Steve's faced a new challenge. On December 23, I stopped by that  Gelson's and saw that pricey Jeni's. Jeni Britton Bauer is a ice cream maker out of Columbus, Ohio, who won a James Beard Award for her cookbook, Jeni's Splendid Ice Cream At Home  http://www.jenis.com/jenis-splendid-ice-creams-at-home-signed-copy/ and who is perhaps better known for the high price of her ice cream. I mean $11 a pint? It had to be good. But, how good? I'd been seeing it all year, but never went for the splurge.

So on this winter day, wallet plump. I bought a Jeni's Salty Caramel and a Jeni's Brown Butter with Almond Brittle. And two Steve's Salty Caramels. But, no Haagen Dazs Chocolate Peanut Butter. In my cold, ice cream world, it was kinda like "Taps" had played for CPB. 

At home, I put on Breaking Bad (By now Hank was on to Walter) and started with the Jeni's Brown Butter, mainly to test the ice cream itself. Would it be ultra creamy as Steve's. It wasn't. It was very tasty.  Very good and very sweet. With large pieces of Almond brittle, what, it should be sour? But it, wasn't as good to me as Steve's. Yeah, I know it's a different flavor.

Then, now batting, Jeni's Salty Caramel. I even took a photo of the two salty caramels. You'd a thunk it was Ali Frazier.  So I dig in, a heaping forkful. It hits the mouth and you know what? It's really, really  good, but I'm not running for cover. It's not like a knockout. And after several back and forth bites. I decide Steve's is better for me.  It's flavor, it's saltiness that hits at the right time and place, and, for sure, it's creaminess. 

Then, get this, Nancy comes home. She has to go and put doubt in my mouth about the reason for the creaminess of Steve's. There';s something called gum gauer, or some such shit, listed in the ingredients. I hold up a forkful and part of the ice cream hangs over the side, like a cat hanging off a fire escape in a poster, and stays suspended.

"That's the guar gum," said Nancy using the correct term for this questionable ingredient. That why its doesn't fall. I guess a thickening agent. (Are all agents devious?) . I start to not only doubt Steve's. but my own taste buds. Was I fooled by this gaur gum shit?

Did this fuckin' gaur gum account for the rich mouth feel that earned a 9. 7. at the Taste Olympics. I start to give Jeni's more credit for not using gum guaer of whatever that junk is called. Guar gum.  It's definitely not something that grows on a tree in Madagascar. What is it? A stabilizer? What would happen without it? Jeni's doesn't have it and while it might not have the luxuriant mouth feel of Steve's, it's not falling apart. It's not unstable.  I don't even want look at my dear CPB's ingredient list for fear gaur gum is there.. 

Regardless, Steve's won a very controversial decision over Jenis. Though some say, like the Aaron Pryor-Alexis Arguello fight, it wasn't fair with the involvement of gaur gum, the steroids of the ice cream world apparently.

It doesn't matter. Without a doubt the ice cream of 2013, probably of all time, is and will be Haagen Daz CPB. I'll never have an ice cream season like 2013. Almost 300! I can boast about my 2013 ice cream season for the rest of my life. So many satisfying moments CPB and I had together with Stringer Bell and Omar Little, with Walter White and Tuco Salamanca.  

But, then, as the 2013 season winded down, an ice cream shocker! I get solid word  a new super ice cream is in the works. A zultra premium brand. Yes, zultra. Make that Zultra.

It's top secret, but Krikorian Writes has been able to intercept highly classified documents 

Classified Communique #1 :  It will be made in California and a pint is going to be 10 dollars or more.

Classified Communique .#2 :  The people behind this proposal make a premium brand of ice cream, but are looking to go McLaren P1 with this Zultra project. 

Classified Communique# 3 They want Nancy to develop the Zultra premium ice cream. She's got a lot in her cone right now, but she is seriously considering it. 

Unclassified Conclusion (Not, repeat, not prediction)  : If Nancy S starts making ice cream in pints, it will be the best ice cream brand in America. 

And it won't have that gaur gum That's for sure. If I can just get her to make Salty Caramel or maybe even Chocolate Peanut Butter.

Nah, just the Salty Caramel.  I want CPB, I'll get my boy.

#####

*ppd = pints per day

The Last Scoop - If you want to read about ice cream from a real fanatic, check out this guy Steve ( no relations to Steve's), The Ice Cream Informant at http://www.theicecreaminformant.com/    This guy appears to be heading for the Ice Cream Hall of Fame.

Last Drip of this story. : Those 339,150 Chocolate Peanut Butter calories in 2013 were almost all savored, but they put me over 200 pounds. As I "save & publish", Dec. 30, 2013 , 7:59 a.m., I haven't had any ice cream for 34 hours.  I might be on another wagon.