Ruth Reichl Wins Top Guest Award, Singer Cries "Foul"

With a delicious finish. writer Ruth Reichl won the coveted Nancy Silverton Top House Guest of the Month award for February, traditionally one of the most hotly contested months of the year.

Reichl, who spent all of February at the Van Ness Palace. clinched the title at month's end when she bought and brought Michael Krikorian two more pints of the Salt and Straw's Sea Salt with Caramel Ribbons ice cream. "It was a lovely gesture," Krikorian said, adding that once Reichl leaves, he might have to get an actual job if he wants more of that $11 a pint Portland-made ice cream. "I know Nancy is not going to step up."

Michael Singer, another Van Ness Palace guest during February, protested the award, saying the pints were technically a bribe since Reichl herself doesn't actually eat ice cream.

"She was blatantly trying to score points with Krikorian to win the award." said Singer, who has lodged a formal complaint with the United Nations. "If you review the fucking tape of the entire fucked-up month I was more fucking entertaining than Ruth. I thought my yelling at that anus-hole Matt Lauer and that clown Al Roker was a refreshing way to start each weekday morning."

Singer also noted that he provided some of the only drama of the month by collecting parking tickets and going on yelling sprees, bashing into a parked car with his rental car's side mirror, kicking out a location scout photographer and explaining why he hates Ukrainians. 

"Ruth and Nancy sit around the house talking about restaurants all day, I probably heard the word "Spacca" 95 times. What the shit is a "spacca" anyway? Meanwhile, Krikorian is going on and on about the latest killing in the Nickerson Gardens. Whoa, what a surprise there!. .At least I provided entertainment."

A judge, who spoke off the record, said while the ice cream was a factor, there were other Reichl characteristics that really won her the award, which automatically qualifies her to enter the rarified Guest of the Year competition.

"Ruth had a terrific smile throughout the month, locked herself away upstairs and wrote silently, watched television episodes out of sequence and, perhaps most importantly, never once refused Krikorian's offer of a late night glass of wine or an early morning toast with that good butter."

Still, Silverton herself said it was her dog, Zeke, who gave Reichl the nod over Singer. "Zeke really loved Ruth's olive oil orange cake. He ate half a cake."

Reichl has not commented publicly on the honor, but a source quoted her as saying "I better have won. For the amount of money I spent on ice cream for Michael, I could have stayed at the Beverly Wilshire."

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Nancy Silverton Top Guest of the Month Winner Ruth Reichl.  On right is Michael Singer in happier times.

Nancy Silverton Top Guest of the Month Winner Ruth Reichl.  On right is Michael Singer in happier times.

Zeke likes this cake

Zeke likes this cake

Previous Guest of the Year Award (GOYA) winners

2013 -Sal LaBarbera

2012- Henry Chin

2011- Henry Chin

2010- Henry Chin

Note:; Known as "The Quiet Guest", Henry Chin may still be in the house.





Americans Turn To Turbocharging Ice Cream to Lower Costs

In an effort to combat the exorbitant price of ultra premium ice cream, a growing number of Americans are taking to "Turbocharging" less expensive brands, a move they say significantly boosts flavors levels while keeping overall costs down.

At least two people in the Windsor Square sector of Los Angeles are said to be regularly pouring and swirling a high-end caramel sauce into various Haagen Dazs flavors thereby enhancing immediate gratification, but costing three to four dollars less than current top-rated packaged flavors, most notably the Portland-based Salt and Straw's Sea Salt Ice Cream with Caramel Ribbons, the current 2014 points leader.

The swirling tactic, which is not approved by the National Ice Cream Association (NICA) and therefore not allowed in competitions, has focused almost exclusively on using the warm, nearly gurgling caramel sauce from the pastry kitchen at Mozza in Los Angeles, but advocates say that other additives could be used. 

"Souping up" just about anything is a passion - and livelihood - for millions of Americans who have formed industries on after market items for cars, motorcycles and even computers. That the practice should come to packaged ice cream was inevitable, especially with the high price of elite ice creams. 

So far, sources say the best turbocharging combo has been the Mozza caramel sauce and a pinch of  13 to 17 gros grains of fleur de sel on and into Haagen Dazs' sea salt caramel gelato. 

A spokesman for Flynn Duvall, NICA's long time president, said "so-called 'turbocharging' is illegal in competition and should be. This is the Formula One Ice Cream championships,. not some Sundae competition at a state fair. What's next? Sprinkles? Fuckin' bananas?".

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UPDATE  Just before Krikorian Writes went to press, Sarah Clark, sommelier at Osteria Mozza and ice cream aficionado, relayed information that Ben and Jerry's had introduced four new flavors, including Peanut Butter Fudge and Salted Caramel, all with a "Core" in the center, their version of turbocharging. 

MOZZA CARAMEL SAUCE

I cup heavy whipping cream, 1 whole vanilla bean, 4 tablespoons (1/2 stick) unsalted butter ( ideally Rudolphe Le Menuier Buerre de Baratte), 1 cup sugar, 1/4 light corn syrup

Now, either mix the items all together and cook 'em up,, or go to Pizzeria Mozza, pretend to look at the Mozza Cookbook on display up front like you're seriously contemplating buying it, all interested, but, instead, with a spy camera, snap off a photo of the recipe for caramel sauce located toward the end of that book. And while you're at it, read the acknowledgments.  

Swirled caramel .jpg








David Rosoff Resigns From Mozza; Celebrations Turn Violent

Clashes erupted Tuesday afternoon throughout Los Angeles as pro-David Rosoff supporters clashed with the anti-Rosoff movement after news broke that the controversial general manager of Osteria Mozza had announced his resignation.

Los Angeles Mayor Eric Garcetti urged the city to be calm, but put the LAPD on a citywide “Tactical Alert” as emergency rooms on the Westside began filling with injured demonstrators, many of them wounded by flying, two-day-old stuzzicinni toasts.

Rosoff, the opening manager at Mozza, had come under pressure to retire or resign from a coalition of woman's rights groups, Muhammad For Tips members, cat's rights activists, Helen Turley, Doctors with Borders, but without Stethoscopes, the Rollin 60s,  OPEC, The  United Oaky Chardonnay Front, MADD, Robert Parker and the remnants of Al Queda in Mesopotamia to step down in face of a growing scandal over his position on whither or not Tony the dishwasher should be rehired.

Rosoff had insisted Tony be rehired, but also demanded three Delta Force commandos be hired to provide himself with 24/seven security. Mozza director of operations Alex Munoz had suggested a compromise where Tony would be rehired, but two of his closest Nine-O Crip homies would provide security for Rosoff.  Rosoff rejected that idea flat out.

Rosoff had become a polarizing figure early in his career at Mozza, which opened in 2006, when he announced he was adamantly against servers dropping and breaking glasses in the dining room. By 2008, he had instituted a strict - some say dacronian - policy where by if any server, bartender, expo or runner broke a wine glass in Osteria Mozza, Rosoff himself would stare at them with utter contempt for up to seven seconds.

Former Mozza employees Megan Tropea, Pilar Arias, Brian Monahan, Nicole Avrin, Murray Rubenstein, Timothy Jenkins, and Daniel Flores all described that as "the longest seven seconds in modern history."

Mozza owner Nancy Silverton expressed surprise Tuesday afternoon upon hearing Rosoff had retired.

"I didn't even know he was still working here," Silverton said.  "Hey, will he still get me cases of red wine?"

Anticipating a drop in business due to Rosoff’s retirement, Erehwon, Gilt and UPS announced they would lay off up to 15% of their workforce.

Rosoff's mysterious girlfriend, rumored to be educated, would not return calls to Krikorian Writes. However, a source close to her said after learning the news on Kate Green's @Funwithkate Twitter account, she began "drinking heavily and mumbling, 'He told me he had a job. He told me he had a good job.'"

A spokeswoman for Mozza CEO Adriel "AD" Lopez would not confirm or deny Will Simons from Rochester, New York would become the new GM. However, a Facebook posting by Simons just hours ago stated he was "dazed". A friend of Simons, speaking on the condition of anonymity, dismissed that and said "It's normal for him to be dazed." 

As night began to fall on the east coast, President Obama addressed the nation from the Oval Office.  “These are difficult times for all of us, especially Michelle who loved 'D R', but, we are Americans and we will get through this."

A few advisors and Vice President Biden shook Obama's hand. However, the president apparently did not know his lapel microphone  was still wired on and Obama was heard laughing and saying   "Well, Joe, looks like it's time for some 'Ch Ch Ch Ch Changes' over at Osteria. I sure hope Simons doesn't like Bowie.  Sweet  Muhammad, I'm sick of that playlist."

David Rosoff in his office at Mozza.

David Rosoff in his office at Mozza.

40 Ounces Are Missing; My Eating Life With Nancy and Ruth

This week I lost two and a half pounds. Not those easy water pounds that leak out, but entrenched, tenacious, no-surrender ounces that died struggling to the end, every single one of them pleading with me to let them stay just one more day and then they'd go peacefully. Liars.

Losing a couple pounds plus - 40 ounces - is usually not worth mentioning, but, the thing here is I lost that weight living with Nancy Silverton and Ruth Riechl. 

I lost that weight living with Nancy, a woman who, as the midnight hour nears, urges me to go to the kitchen of PIzzeria Mozza and have staff pizza "so you won't complain there's nothing to eat when we get home."

I lost that weight living with Ruth. who buys me $11 pints of Portland's Salt & Straw ice cream in pairs, so when I open the freezer - as I do 20 times a day minimum - the first thing I sight is a red and white-topped container that tempts with the words "Sea Salt Ice Cream with Caramel Ribbon".

I lost those 40 ounces living with a woman who calls five days a week, 20 minutes past noon, telling me "staff meal today is chicken thighs" , which she knows is one of my 40 weaknesses.. I could be in the "Folsom Lot" at the Nickersons, but that call beckons me north.  

I lost that kilo living with Ruth, a woman who has Churchill Orchard's Fed Ex 10 pounds of Kishu Mandarins (What I call "li'l tangerines") to the house. Tangerines, you say, aren't fattening. Even if you eat 15 a day? Ain't those things loaded up with sugar? Tastes like it.

I lost that deuce and a half  with reminders of food scattered about the house like Fruit Town crack dealers saying "psssst" in a Cherry Street alley. An advance copy of Ruth's upcoming novel, "Delicious!",  rests on the living room table surrounded by the latest issues of food magazines.  A Zip Lock of almond toffee our friend Ellen made lays in wait by the kitchen sink. Three gold-wrapped packages of Rudolphe Le Meunier's butter  - sent UPS to the house by Josiah Citrin - are on display in a see-through compartment of the frig door. 

I lost those 40 ounces trying out flour and corn tortillas across East Los and Boyle Heights for a party Sunday where the star guests were four nine-hour low-temped pork shoulders and a barrel of beans with bacon.

Yeah, I lost that weight. But, how? Man, I don't even know. But, thanks to Nancy and Ruth. I'm pretty sure I'll find them real soon. 

Nancy and Ruth by fire.jpeg


New Chefs Tired of Same Old "Top Restaurants in USA" Lists

Accustomed to always seeing the French Laundry in Yountville, La Azteca Tortilleria in East Los Angeles and Alinea in Chicago on the lists of America's greatest restaurants., some new breed chefs are calling for a guidebook that will focus on dining establishments under three years old. 

"La Azteca, the French Laundry, Alinea Terra, Le Bernardin, Quince, Del Posto these places are great, but everyone knows that, so they end up just taking up space on these lists of America's best restaurants, " said William "Change Only " Penderson, whose eponymous bistro just outside of Kalamazoo has garnered raves reviews, but no national attention.  "Give the new guys some recognition."

Penderson, and many other chefs applaud the efforts of Food  & Wine's "10 Best New Chefs" issue, but complain, probably out of jealously, that the same "supper" stars are in every issue of every food magazine  

"You pick up any food magazine and chances are the Villa family from La Azteca in East L.A., or Thomas Keller and one of his chefs from the French Laundry or Per Se, or some Joel Robuchon alumni will be featured," said Cardella "Backpack" Brown, whose "Juicy Rumps" in Camden, NJ, is considered the   "Hood " restaurant in the country.  

"I love those places, I do. Last week I finally got into La Azteca and it was fantastic," Backpack Brown said. "I had the best - and simpliest - carne asada burrito on the best flour tortilla I have ever eaten.  Five bucks and 50 cent! And a chile relleno that made me see the importance of the New Relleno Movement. Daughter Cynthia is charming the front of the house, son Chris, too. Mom Candy and dad Juan in the kitchen cooking. Like the first time i went to the French Laundry, it lived up to the hype. but everybody knows La Azteca is great.  Let some us newcomers get in on the sunshine."

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The French Laundry is at 6640 Washington Street, Yountville, California. 94599 (707) 944-2380. Call for hours. Drive-through on Friday and Saturday nights only. 

La Azteca Tortilleria is at 4538 E. Cesar Chavez Ave., Los Angeles, Calif. 90022 ( 323) 262-5977. Open Tuesday - Sunday 6 a.m. to 3:30 p.m.. 

Alinea is at 1723 N. Halsted Street, Chicago, Ill. 60614 (312) 867-0110 Call for hours. Red, purple, blue and orange hoodies not allowed.

Terra is at 1345 Railroad Ave., St Helena, Calif.  94574  (707) 963-8931. Diners ordering bone-in steaks Must claim bone before owner Lissa Doumani does.

Change Only is at 321 W. Dickman Road, Battle Creek Michigan. No phone. Restaurant does not accept credit cards, dollar bills or wrapped coins. Loose change only.

Juicy Rumps is at 89 Main Street Camden, New Jersey. Open 24 hours. No phone  

Main dining room of La Azteca, 

Main dining room of La Azteca, 

Portland's Salt & Straw Ice Cream Victorious at The Forum

"We now go LIVE to The Forum in Inglewood where Martell "Three Scoops" Hauser is standing by with breaking news on tonight's big showdown between two of the West Coast's top ice creams. Three Scoops?"

Cut To: Martell Hauser standing in front of The Forum.

"Walter, the battle between "The Portland Punisher", Salt & Straw's Sea Salt Ice Cream with Caramel Ribbon against Sweet Rose Creamery's Salted Caramel was billed as the first big match of 2014, but, in the end. the Punisher lived up to his name, besting the Los Angeles contender in  several key categories, including caramel explosiveness, temptation. depth of flavor, saltiness and balance. A tour de force for Salt and Straw."

Cut to a Close Up : A fork going into the pint of S & S, Portland's much-heralded, now-nationally acclaimed ice cream, slowly twirling amid the caramel ripple and pulling out a white and gold-veined mound of lusciousness.

Hauser, Voice Over - "It was a masterful performance by the Portland ice cream company which started in 2011 by cousins Kim and Tyler Malek.  The popular Sweet Rose came out to the wild cheers of locals. but it was clear early on. that, as fine an ice cream as she is, the Punisher was too much."

Cut To Hauser.  He walks up to an excited - and clearly drunk -  man among the throngs exiting the Forum. "What did you think of the fight tonight?"

Fan. "Salt and Straw was overpowering. Deep flavor! You feel me? Deeeeeep!  I think he could be one of the great ones. For a packaged pint of ice cream, I think this coldsta' is going to be hard to beat. The Punisher!" 

"Hauser - "Would you like to see a dream fight with Salt & Straw's Caramel Ribbon going against Salty Peanut Butter from Pizzeria Mozza Newport Beach?"

Fan - (Suddenly, subdued, even analytical) "Yes, I would. Any ice cream fan, any gelato fan would, but, in the end, Salty is Formula One. and it wouldn't be a fair fight. But, for packaged Ice cream, i think Salty and Straw is the best thing going."

Hauser -  "I agree. Even at $11 a pint. Live from The Forum, this is Martell "Three Scoops" Hauser."

Just as the camera cuts away. a woman in a Sweet Rose Creamery T- Shirt takes a wild punch at Hauser. 

Cut To - The Studio and anchor Walter Black. "It's getting crazy at the Forum. I really do like Sweet Rose, but I'll have to get some of that Portland stuff."  

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Salt & Straw Ice Cream  http://www.saltandstraw.com/index.php  is getable in Los Angeles at Joan's On Third"  ( http://www.joansonthird.com/ ) which is at 8350 W. 3d Street (east of La Cienega and west of Noodles Stories ) in Los Angeles.

Some of the other S & S flavors they might be lined up next to Sea Salt Ice Cream with Caramel Ribbon are Grandma Malek's Almond Brittle with Salted Ganache, Honey Balsamic Cherry with Cracked  Pepper, Chocolate with Gooey Brownies and Pear with Blue Cheese. Not that again! 

(A good house guest turn me on to S & S's Caramel Ribbon based on a tip for Sarah St. Lifer, the patron saint of prison inmates,)

Sweet Rose's newest store is at 7565 W. Beverly Boulevard, (about a mile northeast of Noodle Stories.)  http://www.sweetrosecreamery.com/   A pint here is $9.  Ryan Di Niccola, sous chef at Chi Spacca, raves about the Caramel Apple Granola (CAG) ice cream of Sweet Rose Creamery. A possible match between the CAG and the Punisher could be in the works. Many SRC loyalists were upset with the outcome tonight. But, that Sweet Rose's Salted Caramel even went one-on-one with the Punisher, that the match drew a sell out crowd at the Forum, that it was licked, even in defeat, is a statement of its goodness.  

moon ice cream .jpeg

Photo taken fro outer space of Salt and Straw's Sea Salt Ice Cream with Caramel Ribbons 

"Little Miss Salty" To File Lawsuit Against Angeleno Magazine

Calling it "beyond insulting", lawyers for Butterscotch Budino said they would file a Federal "Defamation of Character" lawsuit against Angeleno Magazine’s “Modern Luxury Digital Edition” for listing the Pizzeria Mozza legend as the 67th best dish in Los Angeles. 

Adding insult to one of America’s most beloved desserts, affectionately known as “Little Miss Salty”, was that a cousin, Chi Spacca’s Tomahawk Chop, was listed #1 of the city’s 101 “Must Try Tastes” by the online edition.

"We're happy for Tomahawk Chop’s recognition,” said Budino spokesman Duke Feldmeier. “Tom’s a good dude and he’s worked hard to be a champ. And I’ll raise a glass to Chad and Ryan and the whole staff there, too. But, to list Little Miss Salty as 67th?! That’s tantamount to saying we’re overrated. That’s sum bullshit.”

Mozza owner Nancy Silverton threatened to immediately pull Little Miss Salty off both the Pizzeria and Mozza2Go menus.

“I’m not going to have the 67th best dish, or, really, the 34th worst good dish in the city on my menu,” said Silverton, who added that replicas and even straight-out copycats of her and pastry chef Dahlia Narvaez’s budino (pudding) are served at more than 185 countries worldwide, most recently Namibia, Ceylon, Burkina Faso and Arizona.

News that the “close-your-eyes” good, “ooooh”-inspiring budino would be removed from the menu sent Wall Street into a tizzy and prices soaring for the dessert. As we went to print, the price for a single order of Butterscotch Budino was $475, exorbitant for some, but well within the budget for most Angeleno subscribers.

Silverton said the only consolation was that the 65th “must try” dish was the storied #19 pastrami w/coleslaw sandwich at Langer’s Deli.  “Maybe being in the rollin 60s is the best part of the list. You feel me?”

Two of the most acclaimed restaurants in the city, Melisse and Providence faired only slightly better than Pizzeria Mozza. Melisse chef Josiah Citrin’s  rotisserie chicken (with black truffles stuffed under its skin) came in 49th and Providence chef Michael Cimarusti’s “Chowda” ( a fancy clam chowder) came in 52nd.   

(For the ranking record, the grilled octopus at Osteria Mozza was listed 39th.)

Meanwhile, at Mozza’s “Magic Kingdom” corner of Highland and Melrose, there was jubilation at Chi Spacca for Tomahawk’s number one rating. When asked what the staff did to celebrate after hearing the news, General Manager Theresa Gluck said “We got tore up. Had a blast, if i remember correctly.”

Spacca's assistant manager Kate Blue gave Gluck a hard side-five and the two yelled "We're number one!" 

On the legal front, lawyers for Little Miss Salty are expected to formally files papers Monday morning at the United States Courthouse in the Edward R. Roybal Federal Building on Temple Street.  

Spokesman Feldmeier urged fans of Butterscotch Budino to come to the courthouse and show their support. "Little Miss Sunshine's been through a lot this week," Feldmeier said. "A show of love would be much appreciated."

##

Butterscotch Budino Recipe

http://www.latimes.com/food/dailydish/la-dd-butterscotch-budino-20131019,0,2464049.story#axzz2s6mXa5PT

Texted recipe of Tomahawk Chop from Chad Colby

"Double bone pork chop with all of the belly attached, Salt pepper fennel seed - grilled for 45 minutes -served mid rare with the belly chops charred through  (Easily #1)"

For a listing of the 101 dishes, try this; http://www.modernluxury.com/angeleno/digital-edition

Budino (2).jpg



"Dangerous" Salted French Butter Is Despised By Its American Peers

Despite the fancy gold packaging with its elegant flowing script, despite the cute, raised imprint of a cow atop its bright McLaren Yellow disc, and despite the unabashed praise from Los Angeles’ finest chefs calling it the best butter available in America,  Buerre de Barrate from Rudolphe Le Meunier is not a solution.

No, this non-violently churned, fermented cream French butter from Normandy, as delicious as it tastes, is a problem.

"This butter is dangerous," says novelist Ruth Reichl, who is staying at the house I live in and is perhaps best known as the wife of former CBS News producer Michael Singer.  "With a loaf of bread, I could go through all of this butter."

As Ruth, a former newspaper restaurant critic, goes on  - she likes the unsalted more -  and on about my butter, -I'm thinking "Great. I finally get this exclusive butter and Nancy has to have a butterholic move in.  I'll probably end up having to stash this stuff in the crisper, under some celery.”

The Buerre de Baratte from Rudolphe Le Meunier came to me from the generous Josiah Citrin, chef owner of the Michelin two-star Melisse in Santa Monica.  His chef de cuisine, Ken Takayama, had told me they were now using this butter, so I emailed Josiah who promptly sent me three 250 gram discs, two of them salted.

"This is the best butter in America," Citrin said. “It has a funky umami flavor. We glaze fish and lobster with it as well as bake scallops with it. We also use it soft to brush on meats and fish before serving. The salted is for bread.”

(Note: Repeated efforts to find out what “umami flavor” actually is were unsuccessful>)

“It’s the same butter as Walter is using,” Josiah says.

Walter is Walter Manske of Republique who first told me about this butter in December. My boy Walt can talk. He started in on the Buerre de Baratte and I thought I might be here a while. Did I put enough in the La Brea Avenue parking meter?  But, then, suddenly, he handed me four  golfball-sized, plastic-wrapped salted butters.  With his wife Margarita's baguette, it was the combo.

The day before the butter arrived, Nancy, lunching at Connie and Ted’s, asked chef Michael Cimarusti, who owns the Michelin two-star Providence, about the butter. He raved, too.

“It tastes like butter is supposed to taste like,” Cimarusti says. “You know he won the MOF.”

“He” is this French cheesemonger Rudolph (aka Rudy) Le Meunier and the “MOF” is the coveted - and nearly impossible to pronounce – Un Des Meilleurs Ouvriers de France – an award given out every four years to the best craftsmen in France. (For the record, that Ruth lady pronounces it flawlessly and, I may add, rather smugly, though she does have a terrifically infectious smile when she says it.) Rudy, who won the MOF in 2007,  doesn’t actually make the butter, but, as an affineur,  gets the goods from farmers in Normandy, the seat of butter power.

Alex Brown, the general manager  and cheesemonger for Gourmet Imports in Alhambra who brings in the goods, likens Rudy to the guy who goes to the farm and selects the best peaches. Brown said that Ludo Lefebvre also get the butter for Trois Mec.

Last Saturday, while I'm in Watts writing a story about a gang battlefield turned park, (http://krikorianwrites.com/blog/2014/1/25/the-wonderful-transformation-of-kartoons-battlefield) Nancy calls to tell me the butter has arrived via Fed-Ed. The next morning we - Silverton, Singer, Reichl and myself  - try the butter, plain and salted, straight and on a toasted La Brea Bakery batard. Singer says “umm, it’s really great.”. Reichl makes the now-infamous “this butter is dangerous” comment.

But, it’s Nancy who gives it the highest honor, She takes a bite, and slowly nods five times, There’s joy among the cows of Normandy. There’s jubilation at the Rudolph Le Menuier household. The MOF committee feels justified. Nancy Silverton has just awarded the butter Five Nods. (Silverton last gave “Five Nods” to the Salty Peanut Butter gelato at Pizzeria Mozza Newport Beach.)

Me, I just eat the butter. And eat some more. I’m content.

Unfortunately, this report is not all positive.

The feeling of contentment does not reign throughout Nancy’s kitchen. Soon, dissent prevails. It’s my fault. Perhaps foolishly, but dutifully, I ask some other butters in the kitchen their thoughts.   

Donald "Four Sticks” Challenge, a butter from a Los Angeles family which dates back to 1911, said when it comes to choosing a butter, priorities matter.

"Yes Baratte is an excellent butter, but very expensive,” said Four Sticks, taking a moment to size up a nearby  English Muffin. “Booooy, I could smoother her. You feel me? Where were we? Oh, yeah. Rudy's butter. Thing is, do you want an excellent butter or do you want a good butter and be able to afford an education for your children? Me, I'm a good, solid butter, Will I get work in Alsace at "L’Auberge de L'iIl? Probably not. But, if you want to send your kids to a good college and have a good butter as well, I'm your guy.

Other butters were not so diplomatic.

"This goddamn French butter comes to Nancy's frig and it's like Bastille Day with Charles of Gaulle as the Grandmaster," said a bitter tube of Vermont Butter. "I'm mean Jesus Christ, Nancy Silverton and Ruth Reichl are acting like Escoffier himself is coming to dinner. The gang reporter actin’ like he just discovered uranium or sum shit. Look, I've won several awards for American butter, but did anybody even notice me. No."

But, what really infuriated the other butters in Nancy’s kitchen was the care I took in rewrapping Le Meunier. In an effort to keep refrigerator odors, which will leach onto a butter like Richard Sherman onto Michael Crabtree, I rewrapped the Baratte, then put the disc in a large zip-lock bag which I personally sucked sealed.  

"Nobody even considered our exposure to the elements in the ice box, " said Plugra, who calls himself “European Style”. "I’m left out here with pea shoots and leftover pork meat pizza and Zeus knows what else.  Meanwhile, the Highfalutin “cultured” butter from fancy France is wrapped up, no, swathed up like he’s the infant Jesus. And what’s with the label “cultured” butter? Like he knows Caravaggio? Culture this.”

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Check Krikorian on Twitter - @makmak47

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Buerre de Baratte from Rudolph La Meunier, which costs roughly $18-$20 a pound,   is usually available at Nicole’s Marktet in South Pasadena, http://www.nicolesgourmetfoods.com/,  DTLA Cheese in the Grand Central Market http://www.dtlacheese.com/ and Urban Radish in the Arts District downtown http://www.urban-radish.com/ On the East Coast, Formaggio Kitchen often carries this butter. http://www.formaggiokitchen.com/

Gourmet Imports is in Alhambra (626) 570-6900 http://www.gourmetimports.com

For more info about Rudy, check www.rodolphelemeunier.com

IF you understand French, check our boy out talking, I think, about butter on You Tube, http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=75uJKbGM6IM

EXTRAS

This report is about butter that is “available” in America.  Diane St. Clair in Orwell, Vermont makes some desirable butter at her Animal Farm, but it all goes to Thomas Keller for his French Laundry and Per Se, Barbara Lynch in Boston at No. 9 Park and Patrick O’Connell at the Inn at Little Washington.

Pim Techamuanvivt of the popular blog  "Chez Pim" makes superb butter for Manresa in Los Gatos where David Kinch rules. 

The Ferrari (or McLaren), of French butter is Bordier, but it is not available in America as it uses unpasteurized cream.

In “cultured” butter, the cream is first inoculated with micro-organisms that convert the sugars in the milk to lactic acid, then it’s churned.

TWO memorable butter quotes:

"Beurre beurre, donnez-moi du beurre, toujours du beurre" This is a famous saying of Fernand Point which means "Butter butter, give me butter, always butter."

"I alwasy give my bird a generous butter massage before I put it i the oven." -Julia Child.

Though I don't know if there's an actual quote, I know that butter plays a pivotal role in a key scene of the Marlon Brando movie "Last Tango in Paris".

For the NIGHT FINAL

As of press time, Buerre de Baratte from Rudolph Le Meunier is being held in protective custody in the closed lid section of Nancy Silverton’s refrigerator. A bodyguard, a tub of lard from Culiacan, Sinaloa, has been hired to protect the French butter from its American counterparts.  

beuure.jpeg
Cow butter.jpeg

Matt Kuchar Tries To Explains the PGA to Nancy, Double Bogeys

A tall, lean man smiles warmly and introduces himself to me as "Matt" at the opening cocktail party on the grounds of the Mauna Lani Bay resort in Kona, Hawaii. We shake, I identify myself and begin my standard opening inquiry. "Where you from? 

Matt is from Georgia, and adds "I'm a professional golfer."  Good for him, I think. This guy is like a club pro or maybe teaches rich kids how to uses a wedge. Probably living the life, though. At that point, Nancy S comes by and I intro them, and he starts explaining to Nancy the levels of professional golf, the highest being the PGA tour which this guy Matt plays in. Hmmm, maybe the guy can play.

But, he can't convey to Nancy the elite-ness of the PGA tour. "What's your sport? Baseball? Football?" Matt asks. Nancy shakes her head. "Soccer, then?" No. He switches gears, knowing Nancy is a chef. "I'm Ukrainian. My last name is Kuchar. That means "cook" in Ukranian."

This guy is Matt Kuchar one of the best, most popular golfers in America. Later, when I text a photo of me and my boy Matt Kuchar together, to Matt Molina, a golfer and chef, he emails back "Koooooooooouch!" . Matt Kuchar is so loved he has that Looooooooou Pinellla, BRuuuuuuuuuuuuuce Springsteen thing going on.   

Turns out Matt and his wife Sybi have heard often of Mozza. as his former agent Andy Kipper (I think)  was a regular when he lived in Los Angeles. We chat about a few things including Georgia, (the state)  which is also where Sybi is from.  I use most of my Georgia knowledge up by saying "Augusta National. The Masters."

And that's the thing that gets me right there. Matt Kuchar came in 3rd place in the 2012 masters. He was even tied for the lead on the back nine in the fourth round. But, when I bought up the Masters, he didn't say a word, Sybi and Matt just briefly glance at each other and smiled. Cool, Georgia style.

Matt Kuchar in Kona.

Matt Kuchar in Kona.