PASTRY'S SHIRI NAGAR WINS MOZZA EMPLOYEE OF THE YEAR AWARD

Until today, if you Googled the words “Shiri Nagar” what came up was “Srinagar”. Say what, my Nagar?

Yeah, this Srinagar turns out to be the largest city and the summer capital of the Indian union of Jammu and Kasimir. But, when you Google her name later today, you’ll get the real Shiri Nagar, the winner of the first ever Mozza Employee of the Year Award, known as the “Nancy”,

Six days ago, when she was still an Indian city, Shiri said she wished whoever won was someone who had never been to - or couldn’t afford to go to - the Ojai Valley Inn, the grand prize for winning the Nancy. It was likely that attitude helped earn her the victory.

While everyone nominated was a valuable Mozza team member, most of them scored well in their own departments, according to exit polls. Nagar, however, was picked in every quadrant of the Corner, garnering votes from Pizzeria, Osteria, Chi Spacca, 2Go, the Office and Pastry.

Shiri Shoshana Nagar was born June 20, 1992 in Aleppo, Syria and attended the Hole In The Wall Elementary School where she excelled in bomb dodging. However, by the 6th grade she was hanging with the wrong crowd and her parents moved to Fallujah, Iraq on Nov, 2004. I think we all know now that wasn’t a wise move.

During a cease- fire there, the Nagar family rushed  to L.A.. Shiri then attended Van Nuys High where she learned to say “fuck you” in several languages. 

After a stint at Tavern in Brentwood, she joined Dahlia Narvaez’ elite Mozza Pastry Squad (MPS) on Feb. 4th, 2014 and quietly went about her business. She gained fame in the summer of 2016 when she created what many food writers  – including Ruth Reichl - hailed as the “most refreshing dish of the year”, the Cucumber Mint Lime Sorbetto, affectionately known as the “Cumcumber”.

Later that year, Shiri was named Employee of the Month. After winning the EOM, Nagar seemed to grow in confidence and began using the language skills she picked up at Van Nuys High.

As the Employee of the Year, Shiri wins two nights lodging at the Ojai Valley Inn, where Nancy hosts master culinary events annually. She also gets a WWF Style Championship Belt, a bottle of something, and a trip to Watts.where she will tour the Watts Towers, have a Hawkins House of Burgers dish called the “Leaning Tower of Watts and, hopefully, get home .

'SRO' SILVERTON REICHL OCHOA GASTRONOMIC TRIP TO ITALY & COPENHAGEN SHATTERS RECORDS, RATED "AN ALL TIME GREAT"

THE CHANCES ARE YOUR CHANCES ARE AWFULLY GOOD

EDITOR’S NOTE: Until this moment the acronym SRO meant Standing Room Only. But now, those three once-disappointing letters symbolize something desired, something people would joyously get in room without seats to be a part of; a Silverton Reichl Ochoa gastronomic adventure in search of the finest dining on Earth.

Last week, SRO - Nancy Silverton, Ruth Reichl and Laurie Ochoa - took two dozen intrepid - and high paying - diners on a Los Angeles Times sponsored trip to Modena, Bologna, Panzano and Florence in Italy and then finished up - without them - in Copenhagen for 45 hours. When the trip was over, so were several long standing gastronomic records including most “OMG”s, most “So good”s , most “this is fuckin’ delicious” uttered as the three ladies - aided by Italian stars Dario Cecchini and Massimo Bottura - enchanted on arguably the greatest food trip in modern recorded history.

However, this reporter accompanied the three legends only on the Copenhagen campaign, so my dispatch merely alludes to some Italian dining highlights while focusing on the Danish capital.

THERE’S SOMETHING AMBROSIAL IN DENMARK

I arrived in Copenhagen on a Wednesday, 36 hours before SRO, (largely due to a $525 round trip, nonstop Norwegian Air flight) and did recon for Nancy, Ruth and Laurie. My time alone included two stops that were so delightful that I went back to them every day of the remainder of my trip.

The first of those was the Mexican restaurant of Chicago-born Rosio Sanchez. Twenty months ago, in February 2018, arriving - for the first time - in Copenhagen a day before Nancy, I went to Sanchez with Jonathan Gold and Laurie Ochoa. It was outstanding.

(EDITOR’ NOTE For the record, as good as Sanchez was, the most memorable thing about that night - and Laurie will back me up - was the walk back to the hotel when Jonathan tripped, went down fast, performed a roll for which Nadia Comaneci would have held up a 10, got to his feet and continued on with his walk like the tumble was part of the program. It would - unfortunately - not be the only fall of the trip. Read about Nancy and the Frightening Fall of Copenhagen here . http://www.krikorianwrites.com/blog/2018/2/23/7iegjqbaimvldegyd2l87ryvopc22i By the way, the day after Nancy’s fall, she wasn’t up to going out and I went to Sanchez and became the first - and still only person - ever to get take-out tacos there. I bragged about this Wednesday night to my adorable server Alisa at this dinner. “Of course you did,.” Kate Green will say.)

Anyway, after the octopus tostada, “dirty’ carnitas tacos and black currant and lemon paleta at Sanchez, I went back to my hotel, the Astoria, located next to the central Copenhagen Train Station. $80 a night.

The next morning I set out on foot to Hart Bageri (Bakery). This is the bakery of Richard Hart formerly of Tartine in San Francisco who I met and - with the pinpoint accuracy and timing of a Montana to Rice - dropped the names of SRO to him. “Of course, you did,” will say Kate Green. The result was a luscious loaf of sourdough bread, a stunning cardamon croissant, a blondie bar, chocolate cookies, a panettone and cappuccino. On the house. All i had to do was deliver SRO to the bakery the next day. I did.

The rest of Thursday was walking (12.6 miles in all) and eating at Hija de Sanchez, Rosio’s taco joint in the city’s meatpacking district and a “classic” at John’s Hog Dog’s nearby, a place recommended to me by legendary L.A. TImes copy editor Saji Mathai who learned of it from Anthony Bourdain.

SRO came in Friday, at around 2:!5 pm and they were all very hungry. After we all settle in to an Air B & B Laurie found, it is off to get something to eat. Nancy, Laurie and Ruth cannot wait to the 5 p.m. dinner reservation we have at a celebrated restaurant called Noma and demand to eat right now. In a cab we head to the meatpacking district. The taxi driver was an Iranian whose family had fled Khomeini.

First stop is a seafood place called Kodbyns Fiskebar. It’s fine. Oysters, mussels, sea urchin, some salad. I have a view of a clock and notice the time when we get there, 2:45 and when we leave, 3:48. Noma is only 72 minutes away. Still, SRO is SRO and they want to go to Rosio’s nearby taco joint, HIga de Sanchez.. But on the way, Nancy demands a “classic” from John’s Hot Dogs across the street. SRO eats this dog at 3:58, 62 minutes before our dinner at this Noma place.

SRO wants more! We go to Rosio’s and get three tacos. It is 4:06 p.m., 54 minutes until Noma.

We grabbed a cab back our place to change .The taxi driver was a Chilean whose family had fled Pinochet He waits while we quickly freshen up and takes us to Noma.

DINNER AT THE WORLD’S GREATEST ALBANIAN RESTAURANT

Noma is the kingdom of Rene Redzepi. Its previous incarnation a mile away had been named the world’s best restaurant in that Pellegrino guide four times, a feat also accomplished only by the now closed elBulli in Spain. It is usually called a New Nordic restaurant and is named after the distillation of two Danish words, Nordisc (Nordic) and Mad (Food). But, it turns out Rene, though born in Copenhagen, is half Albanian and since Albania gets a bum rap - or at least a rap - and most everyone Rene introduces to me and SRO in the kitchen is “a cousin from Albania”, I have taken to calling Noma the world’s greatest Albanian restaurant. Rene Redzepi is about the most famous Albanian since Mother Teresa, - yeah, she was an Albanian - proving Albanians can not only cook brilliantly , but be extremely compassionate.

Walk by the prep kitchen and you might hear some wet frantic fisherman yell “Automjeti im eshte plot me ngjala”, but don’t be alarmed it simply means “my hovercraft is full of eels.”

Whatever you call it - New Nordic, Albanian, Earth, - Noma turns out to be among the most memorable and wonderful experiences of my life. It wasn’t just because of the food. It was the whole thing, especially the company and the near disaster of last year. There was a moment when i was looking out of the window with this view of a puffing smoke stack and Nancy was framed in it and Laurie was across from me and Ruth to my left and whatever we were eating - probably reindeer offal - was delicious and i thought of all the world’s unfortunate people and how fortunate I was and I - without SRO noticing - got a little emotional. “Of course you did.,” will say Kate Green.

Hell, by the end of the meal you might say to Rene and crew “Te dua”, Albaniian for “I love you.”

SRO and I went home The taxi driver was an Indian from the Punjab who I didn’t ask why his family came to Denmark. I picked up a bottle from the wine bar next door., Dan Vandrette.

EDITOR’S NOTE - For photos of the Noma dinner, see Ruth Reichl’s Instagram

SRO AUTOGRAPHS A BOOK AT HART BAGERI

The next morning, Saturday, Laurie, Ruth, Nancy and i walk across a bridge to get coffee at the Corner at 108. https://108.dk/en/the-corner/coffee-bar/ Good spot. We have a sourdoough bun with cheese and whipped cream. Damn.

Then we catch a cab to Hart Bakery. The taxi driver was from Turkey.. I, as I always do in this situation, fire back that I’m Armenian. “Of course you did,” says Kate Green. We don’t talk a whole lot at first, but then we find a common bond. Lewis Hamilton The cabbie had revved his taxi, a new Mercedes and I ask if he knows of Lewis Hamilton, the great Formula One driver. The cabbie does and Hamilton, an Englishman who drives a German race car called the Silver Arrow, unites us for a few Danish miles.

At Hart, the owner Richard has gone to New York, but his staff is waiting for SRO, primarily, and understandably, for Nancy. Her book “The Breads of the La Brea Bakery” is in the kitchen. It’s a first edition. and, to the delight of the staff. the book, Nancy informs them, is written by Laurie Ochoa and the forward is by Ruth Reichl. They all autograph this now very rare book. Check it. https://www.instagram.com/p/B4C6JbznvAj/?utm_source=ig_web_copy_link

And take a cab to lunch. The taxi driver is from Morocco, though he looks as Danish as Prince Hamlet himself.. Lunch is at Ralae, a one star Michelin place near the cemetery where Hans Christina Anderson is buried. I know that name, but can’t say for sure why.. Kirkergard is buried there, too. He’s in that story above “Nancy Silverton and the Frightening Fall of Copenhagen.” Something about “What’s the point?” The food is delicious, and has a slightly Asian bent which is right up Ruth’s wheelhouse. There’s superb lamb, noodles, various vegetables and the highlight, to me, is a pumpkin dish. Gee, I hope you weren’t expecting a restaurant review. In real life I’m a gang reporter.). Let’s just say it was outstanding and go there.

We walk home. Rest a few, and go to Sanchez for dinner. We are joined by Noma’s Tracy Page, and Melina Shannon DiPietro the executive director of MAD and Nadine Levy Redzepi, Rene’s wife. Good time. Rosio’s food satisfies immensely.

We get a cab ride to Dan Vandrette the wine bar next to our place. The cab driver is a Kurd who came to Copenhagen from Iraq to escape Saddam. I tell him I’m Armenian and was at a demonstration with L.A.’s Kurdish community at the Turkish Consulate. “Of course, you did.",” says Kate Green. The cabbie is thrilled to hear this. The light red wine offered is rejected twice by Nadine. Finally a darker wine is offered and we have a bright time.

Back at our place. Nancy can’t find a book I ordered her on her Kindle. The title, she reminds me is “Chances Are.” We break into singing the Johnny Mathis classic. Ruth finds “Chances Are” on YouTube. It sounds old school beautiful https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NEH3uqbpsm8

The next morning, Nancy and Laurie get a early cab to the airport. Their cabbie is an Kurd, too. (Kurds win, 2-1) Ruth and I take a nice long walk , past Noma, to another good bakery called Lille. A couple hours later, Ruth leaves in a cabbie who I didn’t get a chance to ask where he was from.

I walk back to the Hotel Astoria, check in and go to Hart. My money is no good there, they tell me. That night I go to Sanchez.

The next morning, I walk from the Hotel Astoria 200 meters to the train station, pay $5 for a 12 minute ride to the airport and get on my non stop back to Los Angeles. On the flight I write some of this and watch “Casablanca”. Of course I did.

Guess you feel you’ll always be the one and only one for me

and if you think you could

Well chances are your chance are awfully goood.

The chances are your chances are………

Awfully good.

awfully good



Top 10 Reasons Chi Spacca Did Not Received A Michelin Star

Saturday afternoon at Chi Spacca, during the preview of Pizzette, Nancy Silverton and Kirsten Mayell’s new venture in a Culver City food court set to open late Fall, legendary local wine professional Gary Alan - or is that Alan Gary? - came up to me and said “This is the best restaurant in Los Angeles.”

He was, of course, referring to Chi - or chi - Spacca. He is not alone in that opinion. Many people, including - occasionally - Nancy Silverton herself, have told me that.

Then why, when the Michelin Guide returned in June after a decade long absence, was Spacca shut out? Nothing. No stars. The reasons, officailly, are not being released. However, a joint investigative team from the Washinton Post ;and Krikorain Writes has just unveiled the top 10 reasons Spacca did not receive a Michelin star.

10. Michelin inspectors could not get a reservation.

9. One of the inspectors, Francois Geronimo, a descendant of the legendary Apache chief, felt extreme nervousnes by “Tomahawk” menu offering.

8. Another inspector, about to award a star, took it away in the confusion over “chi” or “Chi”.  “Is it capped or not? Is it Spacca or SPACCA? Get your name spelling together and maybe get the star.”

7. An inspector felt sous chef Joe Tagorda was “Hurtful”  

6. Michelin inspectors too busy staring at Eva to notice the food.

5. One inspector said “Food was clearly two Michelin stars, but view of Circle K bummed me out.”

4. Another inspector said “About to award a star, but was seated at table 33 and homeless man urinating outside revolted my taste buds..”

3. Inspector Jamal Adid Mohammad said “I didn’t like the fact some guy named Jesus was cooking my food.”

2. Chief Michelin Inspector Pierre SuSway told the Post and Writes “Truth? I called Nancy up to tell her we were going to award Chi SPACCA  with the first ever three stars in L.A . And you know what she said? She said ‘Don’t do that. Don’t give me any stars for Spacca. If Spacca got three stars, Ryan’s head would get so big he’d go back to wearing that damn Dodgers cap in the dining room.”

 1. And the number one reason Chi Spacca did not get a Michelin star?

Michelin Guide was paid  $600,000 by Chad Colby and his wife NOT to give Spacca star.

L.A . City Council Approves Measure To Name Stretch Of Melrose Avenue "Michelin Mile" After Restaurants Honored

Several Los Angeles streets have long been anointed with famous nicknames. There is  “The Sunset Strip”. A stretch of Wilshire Boulevard is known as “The Miracle Mile”. On the glum side, two miles of Vermont Avenue in South Central are known as Death Alley.

Now a new one will join the ranks; Welcome to the Michelin Mile.

Friday, the Los Angeles City Council voted to name a not-quite-a mile stretch of Melrose Avenue as “The Michelin Mile” due to the high concentration of restaurants that recently were honored by the esteemed Michelin Guide.

 “I think it’s high time we brought recognition to the deliciousness of our own city,” City Council president Herb Wesson said after the unanimous vote. “For two long New York and San Francisco have sought to be known as the dining capital of America. Those days are over.”

 Starting on the west end of the Michelin Mile is Osteria Mozza at Highland and Melrose which was awarded a Michelin star at the June 3rd ceremony. Next door, the beloved Pizzeria Mozza was listed in Michelin’s Bibb Gourmand guide which pays tribute to more casual, yet delicious restaurants.

 Cattycorner to Mozza, Petit Trois made it to the Bibb and Trois Mec earned a star.   A few blocks east, Providence received two Michelin stars and at the east end of the Michelin Mile – which is actually only eight-tenths of a mile long – was unexpected one star winner Kali, whose co- owners - chef Kevin Meehan and somm Drew Langley - are really good friends with Kate Green.

But, like almost all City Council actions, this one was not without protest.

Manik, owner of the Circle K on the northwest corner of Highland and Melrose, was livid about not being included in the Michelin Mile.

“You know damn well the Round K deserves a Bib,” said Manik from Dhaka, Bangladesh. “You need a bag of Fritos. Original, Scoups? We have it for you. You gonna get that at Little Mec? I don’t think so.”

On the southeast corner, the Valvoline, general manager Lewis Hamilton was thrilled about the designation. “To be part of the Michelin Mile is a true honor,” said Hamilton, who works part time for Mercedes Formula One. “We will strive to be worthy.”

The Mile could be even longer next year. Perhaps too new to be honored was Auburn, the bright new spot at the old Citrus space, which got a excellent review from the Times’ Phil Addersen.

As for Chi Spacca, please see the accompanying article.

Massimo Bottura Strikes Back

Banned for the World’s 50 Best Restaurants competition, Massimo Bottura has struck back with a vengeance.

His latest venture, Francescana at Maria Luigia, located just off the Autostrada near Modena South, has just been rated #1 by World’s 50 Best Truck Stops, the equivilent of the Michelin Guide for truckers.

It was an astounding rebound for Bottura, whose restaurant Osteria Francescana had been named best in the world two times. But, in a move manty considered ridiculous, he was outlawed from entering, apparently because he would have probably won.

“It would be like not allowing Seabiscuit run in a horse race because he would probably win,” said Nancy Silverton, a chef from America. “It would be like not allowing Lewis Hamilton to race in the Italian Grand Prix at Monza because he would probably win.”

Bottura, 56, took the news of the ban with the style of storied jazz piano player Thelonious Monk - in other words, he didn’t give a damn.

Bottura unveiled Casa Maria Luigia, named after his mother, last year to an elite unit of people including writer Ruth Reichl and cook Dominique Crenn. But, it wasn’t until several months ago that it became eligible for World’s 50 Best Truck Stops.

The top American truck stop on the list, coming in at #3, was Jubitz in Portland, Oregon. Second place went to the Nordschleife Truck Halt, Dummkopf!! at the Nurburgring in Germany, best known for the Porsche 919 sauerbraten.

Touring Casa Maria Luigia Saturday was Nancy Silverton who was mesmerized by the rooms, gardens. the trees - there are even a couple few Sequoias - and the menu which features some Osteria Francescana classics. “I wanna stop and park my truck here next year,.” Silverton said.

As she walked with Bottura, his wife Lara, their daughter Alexa, their son, “Don’t Pat Me on the Back Charlie”, and their dog - seriously - Thelonious Monk, the news came that Maria Luigia had been named best truck stop in the world. They were all so excited to hear the news that Charlie actually allowed a reporter to briefly pat him on the back.

The joy was not universal.

The Autogrill organization, which orperates truck and automobile stop throughout Western Europe Ital, filed a formal complaint with the Italian Supreme Court in the Piazza Cavour of Rome, stating “the Bottura place is hardly a truck stop. It’s too far from the freeway.”

However, officials at World’s 50 Best Truck Stops issued the following statment. “The rules are clearly stated, “A truck stop does not have to be located immediately adjacent to a Autostrada, freeway or Autobahn. Any establishment withing five kilometers (3.1) miles) is eligible.”

Francescana de Maria Luigia is less than four kilometers from A1/E35 Autostrada.

in response, Autogrill anounced Thursday that they had hired Rene Redzepi, whose Noma - along with The French Laundry, elBulli, El Celler de Can Roca, is the only other multi World’s 50 Best Restaurants winner - as a consultant. Redzepi could not be reached for comment.

A spokesperson for Automobili Lamborghini S.p.A, who spoke on the condition of anonymity, emailed Krikorian Wrties the following, “Gimme a goddamn break. This Bottura guy drives a Maserati. Here’s what our founder ( Ferruccio Lamborghini) had to say about Masers. And I quote “ "Adolfo Orsi, then the owner of Maserati, was a man I had a lot of respect for: he had started life as a poor boy, like myself. But, I did not like his cars much. They felt heavy and did not really go very fast." :

Before speeding down a dirt road away from Casa Maria Luigia in a nimble and fast bright purple blue Maserati, Bottura himself declined comment for this article. So, the this is from the website Casamarialuigia.com :

FRANCESCANA at MARIA LUIGIA is an exciting new dining experience curated by three-Michelin star Chef Massimo Bottura. It is located in the lovingly restored Casa Maria Luigia, the Bottura’s Italian country house recently opened to public. The dining experience takes place in a turn of the century Carriage House transformed into a stunning dining room with open kitchen, contemporary artwork and views of the surrounding countryside.

FRANCESCANA at MARIA LUIGIA offers an Osteria Francescana tasting menu featuring signature dishesfrom the restaurant in Modena in a unique setting. Three communal tables welcome guests to share a close up, intimate and once in a lifetime experience of one of the most renowned kitchens in the world.

The seasonal 9-course tasting menu with beverage pairing (alcoholic and non) is 450 Euros per person.

If you have ever been fortunate enough to have Bottura’s “Five Ages of Parmigiano Reggiano” that’s a deal.

Nancy Silverton To Mission Control; "The Stomach Has Landed", Eats At "The Three O's" In Three Days

“A "High fly ball into right field,,, she is gone! In a year that has been so improbable, the impossible has happened.'“

If Vin Scully was around to call the last three meals of Nancy Silverton, he coulda used those classic lines from his call of the Krik Gibson ’88 World Series home run.. Against most odds, Nancy Silverton accomplished what she set out to achieve; to dine at Italy’s “Three O’s” - Dario Cecchini, Massimo Bottura and Franco Pepe - on consecutive days.

Other than the journalist who accompained her on this quest, no one in recorded history has ever done this. The feat required the 1,000 kilometer drivng skills of Juan Fangio driving, the timing of Delta Force, and the connections of, well, of Nancy Silverton.

It was capped off Sunday night in the quiet hilltop town of Caiazzo when the two, after an arduous nightime pouring rain drive through a narrow, twisting mountain road, arrived at Pepe in Grani. the storied pizzeria of Franco Pepe, the best in Europe and made famous years ago by an article entitled “The World’s Second Best Pizza” ( see linke below.)

Silverton and Michael Krikorian sat down and were quickly brought their favorite pizza, Il Sole de Piatti. better known to Americans as the Dream of Caiazzo. It lived up.

There was a lot more; two fried pizza cones filled with ham and pinieapple, another with mozzarella, a pizza of bufala bresola and half-melted bufala mozzarella, a calzone of escarole and anchovies, another pizza with a lemon dipping sauce. Okay, let’s just say I’m not Ruth Reichl when it comes to - among other things - describing food. Just go if you are somewhere in Europe.

AFter acomplishing the feat, Nancy was pushed up the stairs by Krikorian and into one of the two guests rooms at Franco Pepe. Nancy Silverton had landed.

The Three O’s were, as we knew they would be, all we had hoped for.

For the previous article about Franco Pepe see this - http://www.krikorianwrites.com/blog/2013/9/2/the-worlds-second-best-pizza

Two "O's" Accomplished, One To Go As Nancy Silverton Attempts Historic Italian Dining Feat

Nancy Silverton’s quest to become the first human being to dine at the Three O’s - Dario Cecchini, Massimo Bottura and Franco Pepe - on consecutive days took twp giant steps toward becoming reality after a Saturday lunch for the ages at Osteria Francescana .

Following Friday night’s lunch at Antica Macelleria Cecchini, Silverton drove to Florence, crashed at her favorite hotel there, the Oltrarno Splendid, then was driven to Modena where she had relished the cuisine of Bottura.

Sunday afternoon, she will retain a relative of Aryton Senna to drive to Caiazzo to complete her storied journey with a dinner at Pepe in Grani.

Silverton is being accompainied by ###############, a member of #################### and ######## of ##########

Nancy Silverton Will Attempt To Dine At The "Three O's" On Connsecutive Days; Dario, Massimo, Franco

In the world of literature, it is “The Three Musketeers”: Aramis, Porthos and Athos. In the world of opera, it is “The Three Tenors” : Luciano Pavarotti, Placido Domingo and Jose Carreras. In the world of Italian dining there are “The Three O’s”; DariO Cecchini, MassimO Bottura and FrancO Pepe

Starting Friday, revered American chef Nancy Silverton will attempt to become the first human - man or woman - in recorded history to dine at the establishments of the Three O’s in three consecutive days. The attempt is considered to be the Italiian dining equivilant of “Free Solo” the true story of Alex Hannold’s successful attempt to be the frist known human to climb El Capitan without ropes.

Should she accomplish the once thought impossbile feat, Silverton will earn the title of “Triple OG Diner” from the Italian government. (For the record, many already consider her that.)

Here’s the starting line up

Frdiay - Lunch at Dario Cecchini’s Antica Macelleria Cecchini,, arguably the world’s most famous butcher shop located in Panzano in Chianti.

Saturday Lunch at Massimo Bottura’s Osteria Francescana.

Sunday - Dinner. at Franco Pepe’s pizzeria Pepe in Grani, 575 kiolometers southeast of Bottura’s restaurant.

Stay tuned for updates.

Tuscany On High Alert As "Laughing Lesbians", Banned From Umbria, Arrive In Florence

The good news is they are not The Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse. In fact, they might just be the exact opposite.

Dubbed Saturday in the Italian media as the “Four Lesbians of the Laughter”, a quartet of San Francisco Bay Area women - who had been in Umbria for the past week - arrived today in Florence and the city was prepared. They were prepared, not for destruction wrought by the Horsemen, but for a level of laughter perhaps not heard here since Bruneschelli slide off his Duomo and attempted - with disastrous results - to land on the adjacent Bell Tower of Giotto..

Authorities and citizens of Florence alike had been anxiously awaiting the arrival after learning the four had shattered the Umbrian laugher record while spending a week in the quiant town of Panciale. Darla K Anderson, Kori Rae, Bret Parker and Petey Wacc set a record of 2,101 group ‘jumbo laughs’ - over 110 decibels. - in the days they were in town. The four, in Panicale for Parker’s upcoming 40th birthday and to have a dinner prepared by Nancy Silverton at her home, average over 18.5 jumbo laughs per hour, ( allowing for eight hours to either sleep, pass out, our both.)

Scores of residents of Panicale have already filed formal complaints with the United States Embassy in Rome claiming sleep deprivation and the resulting crankiness.

It wasn’t that there wasn’t a giant warning signs the Laughing Lesbians could be problematic. The four made an ominous entrance into Panicale. They crashed a 4th of July party hosted by Nancy Silverton at her home. Let me repeat that. They crashed a 4th of July party hosted by Nancy Silverton..

Silverton herself saw them and turned to Michael Krikorian and said “Did you invite those lesbians?”

The word quickly spread to Florence. aka Firenze, that they were heading that way after it was confirmed by police that Darla K, the ringleader, had made a hotel reservation at an undisclosed site near the Arno.

“Look, of course I want to make tourists feel comfortable, and have a wonderful time, but my main concern is the citizens of Firenze,” said the city’s mayor Fabiano Ferrari. “My biggest concern? Of the four Ls? It would have to be that McGoo one. What’s her name? Bret? She’s liable to walk smack dab into the real David and knock my boy down. Or even the fake David out in the piazza. Hell, Mcgoo might walk into Giotto’s Bell Tower and crumble that old motherfucker. She’s a problem.”

Authorities also expressed concern for Petey Wacc, who is a dean of a K-8 school in Bernal Heights, a neighborhood of San Francisco not on any tourist’s “must see” list.

“Wacc is known for stealing sandwiches of poor students at her own school,” said Lorenzo Lamborghini, Florence’s chief of police. “Repeat. That’s students at her own school. For a baloney sandwich! It’s frightening to think what she would do to a student she didn’t even know for a proscuitto de Parma panini.

As for Kori Rae, police chief Lamborghini was skeptical. ”Look, here’s a woman who right before she leaves town, gives Nancy Silverton three bottles of wine and three large hunk of percorino de Pienze. That seems very strange to us. It makes no goddamn sense. She will be closely monitored.”

But, it was ringleader Darla K Anderson who has brought the most worries to Italian authorities.

“This is a woman who lives to break rules,” said chief Lamborghini. “Someone tells her "‘don’t do something’, Guess what? She does it.“

Still, both Chief Lamborghini and Mayor Ferrari said their main concern about the ringleader was simply her name

“No one even knows what the “K” stands for,” said Lamborghini. “That’s a very dangerous letter.”