Chef Michael Voltaggio Brutally Attacked by Sea Urchin

Chef Michael Voltaggio was jumping off volcanic rocks Sunday afternoon in Kona when he was viciously attacked by one of Hawaii's most notorious sea urchins who embedded 17 needles in the chef's right leg.

Despite nearly hysterical pleas from a local woman that he be transported to the emergency room of Kona Community Hospital, Voltaggio gallantly "manned-up", shrugged off the pain, limped into a kitchen and finished dessert - oven-roasted pineapples with Haagen Daz Vanilla - for a group of friends and fellow chefs including Jonathan Waxman, Dahlia Narvaez and Nancy Silverton who were in Kona for a James Beard Celebrity Chef food event. 

Voltaggio, who won the "Top Chef" competition in 2009,  had been with several people including Mauna Lani Bay chef Allen Hess, Barcadi head mixologist Manny Hinojosa and champion paddler Grace Emanuel who were climbing rocks and jumping into the ocean after a leisurely lunch. Voltaggio went off by himself and was climbing to a dizzyingly height when he was attacked by the sea urchin. who is apparently known locally as "Lurch the Urch". The chef, who owns Ink on Melrose Avenue in Los Angeles, pulled out the 17 stickers.

"Lurch the Urch is the meanest sea urchin I have ever known," said a local man speaking on the condition of anonymity for fear of retribution "Lurch has attacked at least a dozen humans and probably 45, 50 mahi-mahi that I know of."

A woman said the sea urchin had one goal in mind when he attacked Voltaggio; homicide.

"That sea urchin wanted to kill him, so other humans will hear about it and leave sea urchins alone," said Sara Kutler, a Bel Air resident who lives in Hawaii part-time and has herself been bite by sea urchins four times. "Why else do you think the sea urchin attacked him but to kill him? It is about protecting their own species"

Kutler, who was once hospitalized for several days due to a sea urchin attack, passionately urged Voltaggio to pour human urine over the leg wound because, she said, pee was the only remedy. But, Voltaggio was adamantly against being peed on. When his girlfriend, documentarian Jamie Schribner, suggested he go outside and pee on himself, Voltaggio replied, "I'll piss on my leg when you shit on your arm." She declined the offer.

Still, the pleas continued and Voltaggio while attempting to soak the wounded leg and knee in white wine vinegar, a mysterious warm bottle of Perrier appeared and a man poured it over Voltaggio's leg.

"What is that?," said Voltaggio. "What is that? It's warm. That shit is warm. Is that piss?"

While the pouring man walked away. Voltaggio spotted Nancy Silverton seated nearby and asked her "Is it your pee, Nancy? Is it? If it is, then it's good. If it's anyone else's, then we've got a problem." 

To Voltaggio's surprise,  and to the delight of his friends,  the wound seemed to improve after the mystery pee was applied.  But,  less than an hour later, the pain was back. As of early morning Monday, it was uncertain if Voltaggio would seek medical attention.

Voltaggio, who has several tattoos, listened with interest when Nancy proposed a solution to hide the marks left by the attack.

"Get a new tattoo. Get one of a sea urchin right over where he bite you."

*Note - The latest menu of Ink online does not list anything with sea urchin  Expect that to change.   

Chef Michael Voltaggio after a brutal attack

Before the attack, Voltaggio hanging loose, Silverton telling a photographer to fuck off.

Mozza Gelato Wars; Dahlia Narvaez Vows to Retake #1 Ranking

After hearing the salty peanut butter gelato at Pizzeria Mozza Newport Beach had been ranked number one in the World Gelato Ratings (WGR), Mozza head pastry chef Dahlia Narvaez vowed to reclaim the top position for the flagship in Hollywood South.

"Dahlia is answering the challenge," said Mozza owner Nancy Silverton, who helped the Newport restaurant capture the top rating when she gave the salty peanut butter gelato the nearly mythical "Five Nancy Nods" during a recent lunch. 

Sources say Narvaez, a James Beard Award finalist, will be turbocharging her entry for the upcoming WGR Olympics.  She will not be making salty peanut butter gelato,  but rather salty chocolate peanut butter gelato.

Narvaez and Silverton flew to Hawaii to sample several salts that could help the storied Hollywood South restaurant recapture the  #1 spot in the WGR. Among the salts sampled were "Kona Gold" and "Maui Wowie!". Though some Hawaiian insiders questioned the purity of those particular salt, no one denying they were getting plenty of "nods" from Nancy in test runs.

Other obstacles have arisen as well. Henry Weinstein, legal analyst for Krikorian Writes, said the addition of chocolate to the peanut butter, would not constitute a violation of WGR rules, but could "border on sensory overload and might backfire."

Let the  gelato wars begin.

Secret meeting was held in Kona, Hawaii to retake #1 spot in World Gelato Ratings

SOUTHSIDE, "Dark Graphic Urban Thriller" - Genre Go Round

SOUTHSIDE REVIEW - L.A. Times reporter Michael Lyons works the street beat with his prime focus on members of gangs as he has the uncanny ability to put a human face on these seemingly interchangeable dangerous miscreants. Near his office, Michael stops at his favorite haunt the Redwood Saloon where affectionately he is known as “Hit’n’Run” for his frequent quickies. However, this time when he leaves the bar in daylight, someone shoots Lyons.
 

While he recovers from his wound, his journalist peers form a pool as to whom the trigger is and why. LAPD fails to find the culprit while the L.A. Times editorials rip the cops for incompetency and complacency until the police release a tape in which Michael eloquently explains the truth of being shot to a gang-member. While the shooter begins targeting other victims including the younger brother of incarcerated gangbanger Big Evil, a fired Lyons starts an investigation in the grim impoverished Southside.
Those who live on the means streets of LA own this dark graphic urban thriller; as the investigation highlights their grim existence. Fast-paced throughout, readers will appreciate entering the Lyons’ Den; escorted not by the late great New York columnist Leonard Lyons, but by a disgraced Los Angeles reporter working the gang circuit.

- Reviewed by Harriet Klausner

Homicide Detective Megan Tropea appears in Southside ,  

Quaint Names For 'Hoods, But It's Still South Central To Me

Chesterfield Square, Vermont Knolls, Green Meadows, Harvard Park, Vermont Vista, Athens, Manchester Square, Gramercy Park, Watts.These are the  Los Angeles neighborhoods with the highest crime rates. Except Watts, which has a world-wide rep, they sound like idyllic places in Olde England. But to me - and to most of the residents who live there  -  they are still  - and always will be - South Central.

Seeking to distance the city from the riotous reputation  "South Central" earned in 1992 and from rap songs,  the city voted in April, 2003 to officially ban the name.  The following is from a Los Angeles Times article that appeared January 5, 2004 

"Green Meadows or Asphalt Jungle"

The sign overlooking Central Avenue and 99th Street in Watts declares the neighborhood "Century Cove," although the nearest cove is 15 miles away in San Pedro.

Over on Manchester Avenue and Main Street in South Los Angeles, a sign welcomes visitors to "Green Meadows," although the only green in sight is the paint on a transmission repair shop.

And at 78th Street and Normandie Avenue, three blocks from where the 1992 riots started, the area is proclaimed "Canterbury Knolls," a puzzle to some.

The idea behind Los Angeles' neighborhood names has been to try to give small areas a dose of charm and community identity, no matter how incongruous the monikers. But the naming has gotten a little out of control, some say, because getting city permission is too easy.

Councilwoman Janice Hahn, who represents  Watts, said the names help residents feel as if they're living in a town, not an expanse of asphalt in a sprawling city.

"I think most neighborhoods want to have this small-town feel about them, and I think the naming of the community makes them feel better," she said. "It gives them a sense of identity, and that's a good thing."

But some of the names are scarcely known even to residents.

"What Knolls?" asked Vince Avery, a freelance photographer who lives within sight of the sign. "When you go to a real neighborhood, like Hollywood, you know you're in Hollywood. But nobody knows Canterbury Hills -- I mean, Canterbury Knolls. Nobody in Canterbury Knolls knows they're in Canterbury Knolls."

If the names are meaningless, some say, it's because too little oversight is involved in bestowing them. The process for getting a neighborhood name is simple: A group of residents, sometimes members of a neighborhood council, ask their council member to christen an area with a new title. The council member has only to ask the city Department of Transportation to put up a sign.

That, says Greg Nelson, general manager of Los Angeles' Neighborhood Development Department, is too unstructured.

"This issue is alive and ticking," Nelson said. "We need a real policy for naming neighborhoods."

Hahn does not disagree, and work is underway to change the procedure. This month or next, she said, the subject will come before the city's Education and Neighborhoods Committee, which she heads.

"We are going to have a formal motion in committee to create a citywide process.... Eventually, the name change would need to be approved by the City Council."

But Hahn said she strongly favors neighborhood names.

"The reason for all the names is to give neighborhoods an identity and distance themselves from the crime-ridden image and stigma of South-Central Los Angeles."

In fact, in April, the City Council voted unanimously to change the term South-Central Los Angeles to South Los Angeles.

Many of the names were suggested in 2001 by the 8th District Empowerment Congress, an advisory committee of residents, business leaders and neighborhood activists headed by then-Councilman Mark Ridley-Thomas.

"A lot of the names are the historic name of the tract, such as Green Meadows," said Ridley-Thomas, now a state assemblyman. "The empowerment congress set about the task of naming neighborhoods for the purpose of reclaiming their historical identity."

South L.A. Councilwoman Jan Perry said that sometimes the names can make "the history of the district more alive."

For example, the neighborhood west of the Harbor Freeway and south of Imperial Highway recently was officially dubbed "Athens on the Hill," although "the residents of that neighborhood have been calling it that a long time," Hahn said. "There's a legend there used to be a Greek community there, but we could never find a historian to verify it one way or another. So the residents wanted to formalize an urban legend."

Some officials said that distancing a neighborhood from the greater label of South Los Angeles also could have an economic benefit.

"Historically an area that is named will have a greater value in real estate than one that isn't," said Greg Fisher, a Perry deputy.

Some remain skeptical.

"OK, say I tell someone I live in Canterbury Knolls," said Ray Lockett, a car detailer who lives in the area. "They gonna say, 'Where's Canterbury Knolls?' And I'm gonna say, '78th and Normandie.' "

http://articles.latimes.com/print/2004/jan/05/local/me-hoodnames5

Salty Peanut Butter Gelato Catapults to #1 in World Rankings

She takes a forkful of salty peanut butter gelato at Pizzeria Mozza in Newport Beach and nods. Then nods again. Then nods again. Then nods a fourth time. Then, in the rarest of all food compliments, Nancy Silverton nods a fifth time, and says "It's good."

Let them have their three Michelin stars, the four from the New York Times. Five nods from Nancy, that's the ultimate.

I'd have given it five nods, too, if I wasn't preoccupied relishing this extraordinary gelato, which was listed as "peanut butter" this Sunday, but will be changed to "salty peanut butter" because that is what it is. I told chef Emily Corlis that this stuff crept right up to the salt limit wall, but didn't go over, Corlis concurred, saying she "One more grain and it would have been too salty."

But, it's not just the saltiness. It is the creaminess, the pure essence of peanut butter taste that make this worth, not "a journey" as Michelin says of their three star rating, but worth "a brief jail stint". Not at County. I'm not going to over do it. But, worth a night in Hollywood Division, probably two in West Valley. 

Pastry chef Dahlia Narvaez first put peanut butter gelato on the Mozza menus several years back and it comes and vanishes on the menus, which is good. For me, at least.  It's at Newport now and at PIzzeria Mozza in San Diego, though their version is not as salty.  Chef Emily gave credit to Mozza cook Daniel Troyano for making this batch of gelato. This guy should retire right now. Go out like Koufax.

I wrote here about  "The Year in Ice Cream" as 2013 ended, focusing on my yearning for Haagen Daz Chocolate Peanut Butter and, more recently, Steve's Salty Caramel and Jeni' s Salty Czramel. But, nothing I had in 2013 was as good this Salty PB.

I had four or five forkfuls in the kitchen when we walked in, then about a third of a serving portion as an appetizer. I gave it back to pastry chef Annabel and said bring it back for dessert. We ate a tri colore salad, broccolini and good roast chicken.  Then, along with butter praline gelato and rocky road gelato pie, the Salty PB was back.  

"Is it as good as you remember?, Emily asked. "You know, from an hour ago?"

It was. I don't know how long the salty peanut butter gelato is going to be on the menu at Pizzeria Mozza Newport. But, if someone asked me what's the greatest ice cream who ever lived, this Salty PB gets my nod.

The greatest gelato who ever lived

Dan "Salty" Troyano made te batch of gelato that has shocked the ice cream world

Seven Questions with L.A.Times Photojournalist Luis Sinco

When I read recently the volatile Iraqi city of Falluja was back in control of various militant groups, I immediately thought of my friend Luis Sinco, who, as a L. A. Times photographer, covered the fierce "Second Battle" there in November, 2004 when the Marines took the city.

Lee, as Sinco is known to colleagues, took the iconic photo of the Iraq war,  a weary, cigarette-smoking Marine   resting for a moment after intense fighting on a rooftop. The photo, which became known as  "The Marlboro Man", catapulted Marine Lance Cpl. James Blake Miller to fame and garnered Sinco much admiration. But, both men were damage by the war.  

I e-mailed with Lee about Falluja shortly after he shot the BCS college football final Monday at the Rose Bowl

1. Krikorian Writes   -When you first heard Falluja had been taken over by militant groups, what were your thoughts?
 

Luis Sinco - I thought that less than 10 years after I covered the bloodiest battle of the Iraq War, the Marine assault to regain control of of the city from insurgents in 2004, nothing had changed. The U.S. shed a lot of blood and expended a great deal of money to destroy that city in order to save the country from complete chaos. Thousands of insurgents were killed as well. The dead consisted mainly of young men on both sides. And it didn’t change anything, really. It allowed a constitutional referendum and subsequent political processes to elect the Iraqi leadership. However, Iraq has been in a constant state of instability since the invasion of 2003 and American occupation. Our effort to instill democracy there resulted in one man, one vote --- and Iraq was and is 65 percent Shia Muslim. Did we really expect the Sunnis, who had held power for three plus decades under Saddam Hussein, to roll over? No. there’s simply too much at stake. Too much oil in the ground.

2. KW -  Are your thoughts any different today than from when you first heard this news?
 

LS - I have come to the realization that t’was ever thus, for the reasons I have stated above. Saddam Hussein was not a nice guy, even when we counted him among our “allies.” And then we invaded Iraq for completely bogus reasons --- non-existent links to 9/11 and Al-Qeda, non-existent weapons of mass destruction, our belief that democracy would fit among a people whose religion and culture generally treat half the population (women) as second-class citizens with limited civil rights or, in some cases, no rights at all. P.J. O’Rourke was on “Real Time With Bill Maher” and said it best: “We should have paid for the oil instead of trying to steal it.” Let’s be blunt. This was a war for oil. And for some $10 billion in infrastructure and political investments, the Chinese now are exploiting that resource. The U.S. bill reached into the trillions of dollars, and hundreds of thousands of American and Iraqi lives.

3. KW - Back on the rooftop with Miller,  i've read his account where he heard footsteps, turned around , rifle ready and then realized it was you . Can you take us through your point of view of that moment?
 

LS -  Everybody in that house was on edge. We had spent the entire night before pinned down behind a six-inch-high curb that ringed a traffic circle at the edge of town. In the morning, we came under heavy fire as we made our way through the streets of the city. It was estimated that some 2,500-3,000 insurgents had dug in and were waiting for the Marines. The company I was with got into an intense firefight right away, and we broke into a house to shelter from incoming small arms fire and rocket-propelled grenades. I had just transmitted some photos from the second floor and ran up to the rooftop to catch more of the action unfolding around us. In my haste, I did not identify myself as a “friendly” as I ran up the stairs. For all Blake and the other Marines knew, I could have been an insurgent running up to do them harm. It was that tense, chaotic and dangerous.

4. KW  - When was the last time you talked or communicated with Miller and how was he?

LS - I spoke with him by phone last last week and he is doing well. He has had intensive psychotherapy and is taking medication to help with his ongoing psychological trauma. He is worried that the Veterans Administration wants to cut off his disability benefits, and will do all he can to fight that. Despite having filed for divorce several years ago, he now is back together with his wife Jessica and they have a young son. They are also caring for a little girl that is his from another relationship. I cannot say much more than he is doing well. He is happy to no longer be in the public eye.

5. What affect did being in the Second  Battle of Falluja have on you?. I know that question could easily take a day to answer. 

LS - In short, I suffered psychological trauma as well, but was in deep denial about it for a long time. I am currently in intensive pyschotherapy. I came to the realization that I had a problem, when my wife of of 16 years and the mother of our three children, told me she had had enough and filed for a divorce. My journalistic career has been largely traumatic, whether through covering violent conflict, covering human poverty and misery, covering issues and people involved in crime, or covering environmental problems. Knowing the truth about the world as it is sometimes leaves you feeling despair and hopelessness. And that is trauma in itself.

6.  Any advice for a journalist going to the front?

LS - Do it if you feel the conflict is important enough for your readers to know about. But just realize most people don’t give a flying fuck.

7. . After being in Iraq with the Marines, can the BCS football game at the Rose Bowl be thrilling?

LS - I appreciate it for what it is — a game between two of the best teams in the country, with very fine athletes on both sides. Nothing more, nothing less. I do not consider it a stressful assignment or feel any undue pressure. After witnessing and documenting the state of so much of the world and its people, both within and without our borders, I can appreciate what real stress and meaning is.

Final Notes

Lee said  three photojournalists covering conflicts he really admires are Ed Ou, Javier Manzano and John Moore

After Lee answered my questions I was saddened to hear how tore inside he was and that covering the war had probably cost him his marriage. I emailed him. "I went to your wedding. wasn't it on the beach in san pedro? and the reception at some place down there.?  Clarence [Williams] and I got into a fight with some guys at another wedding. Your wedding was right on the sand, right?

He replied - You are right. It was beautiful

Quote of the Year 2014 Already Announced, Regards Falluja

Sunday Jan 5, 2014, on page A-10 of the New York Times, I read the quote of the year. Yes, as of now, 358 days remain in 2014 to top this quote, but it won't happen.

To make it more impressive as a great quote, it was a kicker, the end of a story, the last line of a journalism piece  I don't know if they call it a "kicker" in other writing forms, novels, screenplays. If so, then "Nobody's perfect" was the kicker of "Some Like It Hot".

So the kicker quote comes from Fallujah, the defiant city of Iraq's Anbar Province. Nearly a decade ago  Fallujah became the symbolic front line  of the Iraqi insurgency when on March 31, 2004 four American security contractors from Blackwater were killed there, their corpses burnt and two of the bodies hung across the Euphrates River for the world to gasp.

Two intense battles later, the  U.S. Marines took over the city in November, 2004 and the Iraqi government had it under relative control for nearly a decade. Then, the first week of 2014, it was announced that Fallujah was no longer in control of the Iraqi government but split between militant factions; including the Islamic State of Iraq and Levant (ISIL) and militias of Sunni tribes

The Jan. 5. Times article has the bylines of  Yasir Ghazi (from Baghdad) and Tim Arango ( from Istanbul). But, an unnamed NYT correspondent "reporting from Anbar Province" had to get the quote of the year.

Here's the two last paragraphs of the story :

"A heavy firefight also erupted on the main highway linking Baghdad and Anbar, with fighters taking three tanks and other military vehicles, according to police.

"The fighters, though, apparently did not know how to use the tanks, and got out a call over a mosque's loudspeaker. "If anybody knows how to drive a tank. please come to the mosque."  

Top that.

The Year in Ice Cream; 339,150 Calories in 1 Flavor

If not for being in Italy six weeks this summer, I would have consumed 300 pints of Haagen Daz Chocolate Peanut Butter ice cream in 2013. Even with the trip, the storied 300 figure was attainable, but in early December I bought a pint of Steve's Salty Caramel and the Chocolate Peanut Better (CPB) consumption dropped dramatically. I'll end 2013 with about 285 CPB pints total or .780 ppd*. At 1,190 calories per pint, that's over 1/3 million calories for the year. These stats are certainly good enough to make a local ice cream team, but hardly Hall of Fame numbers.

Before I get into the Steve's Salty Caramel, here's a recap of my recent  ice cream career. 

It was Fall of  2012 when Haagen Daz Chocolate Peanut Butter ice cream became, in a newly booze-banned life, my new drink. And like Jack Daniels and Smirnoff Red before it, it became a problem. 

It seemed no different than my addiction to alcohol. I had to have it. I began to make excuses to the woman I lived with, Nancy Silverton, why I had to go back in the house as we were pulling out the driveway. I forgot my wallet, my cell phone. Before, I'd rush back for a gulp of wine from the bottle. Now, it was a forkful of ice cream from the carton.

And I had fallen for a very popular flavor. Too many times CPB would be sold out. There'd be 14 goddamn flavors of Haagen Daz and no chocolate peanut butter. Still, when it was available, I would buy only one at a time. That was my so-called discipline, even knowing I'd be back at the store the next day. To ward off the frequent dreaded "none-available" situation. I rift off a classic tactic of the drunk: Stashing.

I used to stash bottles of vodka, or cheap syrah in the garage or guest bedroom closet. Now I was stashing CPB. Not in the house, in the supermarket. I soon became aware that the Haagen Daz Green Tea was always available. So I would place a CPB about four or five pints back in the green tea line up. Maybe you saw me. I was that guy with his arm all up in the cold cases.

That brilliant tactic came through four, five times at the Ralph's at 3rd and La Brea and the Pavilion ( a Vons with less black people)  at Vine and Melrose. 

I'd watch "The Wire", (my favorite work of art)  or "Breaking Bad" (my second favorite TV show) with the ice cream and I was content. 

So one November day, I'm at the Gelson's on Hyperion and I randomly get a Steve's Salty Caramel. What the hell, try something different. Caramel and salt.  Good combo, right? Plus the price tag was intriguing, too. $6.75 a pint.. Not like this brand called Jeni's Splendid which is $10.95 a pop, but still about three bucks more than Haagen Daz.

Back at the house. I put on some Breaking Bad (the one where Hank gets shot) and took a forkful on this Steve's Salty Caramel. Sensations sped to Taste Buds Mission Control Center. Yeah. That first mouthful and I knew  this was some special. The white caramel ice cream. swirled with salty caramel veins was so luxurious, so creamy. And what a good mouthfeel. I rolled it around my mouth like it was '82 Pichon Lalande.   

I didn't admit it to myself at first, - it took nearly a week - but, I started to crave the Salty Caramel more than the CPB. Perhaps damaged by too much frozen cream traveling near my brain, I felt my loyalty was being tested and that loyalty was losing. It was like I had dropped a dear old comrade for a flashy newcomer.

I went to San Francisco for a week in early December and did without Steve's. but not willingly. I called two Whole Foods (who, along with Gelson's, stocks Steve's), but they didn't have Salty Caramel. Looking to others for relief, my nephew and I packed his Twin Peaks freezer with more pints than I have ever seen in a home kitchen. Bi-Rite Creamery's Salted Caramel, Three Twins' Sea Salted Caramel, Mission Hill Creamery' Salted Caramel Strauss' Egg Nog, Three Twins' Dad's Cardamom, Haagen Daz's Pralines & Cream and some others. They were all good. though none matched Steve's Salty Caramel's lusciousness.

My nephew's freezer 

Then, back home, just a few weeks in as the new Sir Scoop, Steve's faced a new challenge. On December 23, I stopped by that  Gelson's and saw that pricey Jeni's. Jeni Britton Bauer is a ice cream maker out of Columbus, Ohio, who won a James Beard Award for her cookbook, Jeni's Splendid Ice Cream At Home  http://www.jenis.com/jenis-splendid-ice-creams-at-home-signed-copy/ and who is perhaps better known for the high price of her ice cream. I mean $11 a pint? It had to be good. But, how good? I'd been seeing it all year, but never went for the splurge.

So on this winter day, wallet plump. I bought a Jeni's Salty Caramel and a Jeni's Brown Butter with Almond Brittle. And two Steve's Salty Caramels. But, no Haagen Dazs Chocolate Peanut Butter. In my cold, ice cream world, it was kinda like "Taps" had played for CPB. 

At home, I put on Breaking Bad (By now Hank was on to Walter) and started with the Jeni's Brown Butter, mainly to test the ice cream itself. Would it be ultra creamy as Steve's. It wasn't. It was very tasty.  Very good and very sweet. With large pieces of Almond brittle, what, it should be sour? But it, wasn't as good to me as Steve's. Yeah, I know it's a different flavor.

Then, now batting, Jeni's Salty Caramel. I even took a photo of the two salty caramels. You'd a thunk it was Ali Frazier.  So I dig in, a heaping forkful. It hits the mouth and you know what? It's really, really  good, but I'm not running for cover. It's not like a knockout. And after several back and forth bites. I decide Steve's is better for me.  It's flavor, it's saltiness that hits at the right time and place, and, for sure, it's creaminess. 

Then, get this, Nancy comes home. She has to go and put doubt in my mouth about the reason for the creaminess of Steve's. There';s something called gum gauer, or some such shit, listed in the ingredients. I hold up a forkful and part of the ice cream hangs over the side, like a cat hanging off a fire escape in a poster, and stays suspended.

"That's the guar gum," said Nancy using the correct term for this questionable ingredient. That why its doesn't fall. I guess a thickening agent. (Are all agents devious?) . I start to not only doubt Steve's. but my own taste buds. Was I fooled by this gaur gum shit?

Did this fuckin' gaur gum account for the rich mouth feel that earned a 9. 7. at the Taste Olympics. I start to give Jeni's more credit for not using gum guaer of whatever that junk is called. Guar gum.  It's definitely not something that grows on a tree in Madagascar. What is it? A stabilizer? What would happen without it? Jeni's doesn't have it and while it might not have the luxuriant mouth feel of Steve's, it's not falling apart. It's not unstable.  I don't even want look at my dear CPB's ingredient list for fear gaur gum is there.. 

Regardless, Steve's won a very controversial decision over Jenis. Though some say, like the Aaron Pryor-Alexis Arguello fight, it wasn't fair with the involvement of gaur gum, the steroids of the ice cream world apparently.

It doesn't matter. Without a doubt the ice cream of 2013, probably of all time, is and will be Haagen Daz CPB. I'll never have an ice cream season like 2013. Almost 300! I can boast about my 2013 ice cream season for the rest of my life. So many satisfying moments CPB and I had together with Stringer Bell and Omar Little, with Walter White and Tuco Salamanca.  

But, then, as the 2013 season winded down, an ice cream shocker! I get solid word  a new super ice cream is in the works. A zultra premium brand. Yes, zultra. Make that Zultra.

It's top secret, but Krikorian Writes has been able to intercept highly classified documents 

Classified Communique #1 :  It will be made in California and a pint is going to be 10 dollars or more.

Classified Communique .#2 :  The people behind this proposal make a premium brand of ice cream, but are looking to go McLaren P1 with this Zultra project. 

Classified Communique# 3 They want Nancy to develop the Zultra premium ice cream. She's got a lot in her cone right now, but she is seriously considering it. 

Unclassified Conclusion (Not, repeat, not prediction)  : If Nancy S starts making ice cream in pints, it will be the best ice cream brand in America. 

And it won't have that gaur gum That's for sure. If I can just get her to make Salty Caramel or maybe even Chocolate Peanut Butter.

Nah, just the Salty Caramel.  I want CPB, I'll get my boy.

#####

*ppd = pints per day

The Last Scoop - If you want to read about ice cream from a real fanatic, check out this guy Steve ( no relations to Steve's), The Ice Cream Informant at http://www.theicecreaminformant.com/    This guy appears to be heading for the Ice Cream Hall of Fame.

Last Drip of this story. : Those 339,150 Chocolate Peanut Butter calories in 2013 were almost all savored, but they put me over 200 pounds. As I "save & publish", Dec. 30, 2013 , 7:59 a.m., I haven't had any ice cream for 34 hours.  I might be on another wagon.

Dexter Gordon Inspires Revolutionary Exercise

A swirling infusion of emotions and energies I haven't felt since smoking PCP 27 years ago in Watts coursed through my fibers Thursday morning upon hearing my new favorite Christmas song, Dexter Gordon's version of "Have Yourself A Merry Little Christmas". This 9-minute, 40-second track so struck me that I invented a new exercise that Special Forces around the globe are already incorporating into their training regimens.

First the song.  I was in the garage doing some lackadaisical exercise when the Christmas classic came on 88.1 FM KJAZZ from the retro Crosley radio . It begins with a short piano by Kirk Lightsey, then, 10 seconds in, Dexter's sax starts blowing medium to up-tempo the familiar melody of "Have Yourself..."  It is so uplifting, so lovely, so damn beautiful that, my work out routine shifted gears like a McLaren down the beginning of the Mulsanne straight in Le Mans and I felt like Ali training for Floyd Patterson, shuffle and all. I felt wonder.  I think if Atlas had heard Dexter playing this he would have dropped the earth and started grooving, too.  

Once before I wrote about a song,  Sarah Vaughan's version of "Just a LIttle Lovin' ( Early in the Mornng)  in the New York Times Sunday Magazine's LIve page. http://krikorianwrites.com/blog/2013/9/18/just-a-little-lovin-early-in-the-morning.  But, Dexter Gordan has compelled me to babble again. You might want to lIsten and play this on Christmas Evening 

Link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BV_jgQoYoTE

Now, the exercise invention.

Like many of the great inventions of all time - the wheel, the pre, semi-sliced English Muffin, the Porsche turbocharger, - the J. Jack 15 is something that brings to mind the oft-heard saying "Why didnt i think of that?"

The J Jack 15 recipe is as follows. Grab on 8-pound dumbbell in your strong hand and a 7-pound dumbbell in the other one.  Start doing jumping jacks. That's it. 

Proceed to do jumping jacks until you start thinking about where is the nearest phone to call 911. As determination shows up and thoughts of an imminent heart attack start to fade, continue on doing the jumping jacks until the bass of David Eubanks takes over.  Stop the J Jack 15 system, but continue moving. maybe punching a heavy bag. or jogging in place. Something. When Dexter starts blowing again. resume with the J Jack 15.

(Four  Notes. 1. At first, one might not be able to do this for 9 minutes and 40 seconds. But, even if you only do the 40 seconds, it's a start.

2. Get the dumbbells that are that urethane coated, rather than grey steel. If you drop a urethane one on your toe, it will still break,  but no one will say "Why were you using steel dumbbells?" Also, the chances of being called a dumbbell increase by over 40%.

3. When doing the jumping jack itself, try jumping a little higher than a normal jumping jack. This will make you think more about that 911 call, then back off the height of the jump.

4. It is vital to have different weights for the dumbbells as it increases cordination and balance. I use a 8,/7 combo, because that's what i saw in the garage when the song came on. But, any combo will work. Up to a point. A guy I know tried a 60/3 combination, but ended up walking for hours afterwards with a slight tilt.  

The J Jack 15 is  already getting the best exercise reviews since RAFAP, (running away from a police dog).

"We've terminated roughly 60% of our physical training exercises because the Jack 15 is nearly all encompassing," said Col. NIgel Melwick of the British Special Air Service (SAS).  "We will still run and do [push, sit and pull} ups, but that's it. The Jack 15 is taking over exercising the way Hannibal took over Lake Trasimeno in Umbria on June 21, 217 BC.  No prisoners. Well, maybe a thousand of so."

The Crosely that came through and the 8/7.