TRUMP ORDERS MICHAEL SINGER STATUE REMOVED FROM ST. LOUIS PROMENADE, BUT PROTESTERS BLOCK NATIONAL GUARD

When President Donald J. Trump ordered a statue of a revered American journalist best known as a fighter for the downtrodden to be removed from the promenade of St. Louis’ Gateway Arch, authorities thought it would be a simple “Tank and Yank ”, the term the National Guard uses for wrapping a thick iron chain around a monument, attaching it to a M-1 Abrams tank and yanking it down.

But, it sure didn’t go smoothly Tuesday in St. Louis as thousands of protesters, many from organizations including Journalists Matter, gathered near the statue of investigative reporter/producer Michael Singer and prevented the National Guard from removing it.

Pro-Singer demonstrators gathered in the early morning hours near the Missouri side of the Gateway Arch and surrounded the 17-foot tall Singer statue - known locally as Mike’s Perch - as the sun rose over the Mississippi River and the National Guard began assembling for the take down. With speakers blaring blues harmonica legends Little Walter and Sonny Boy Williamson II, the crowd began chanting slogans such as “Singer Singer We’re Gonna Cling here” and “So he’s a little cranky, he’s tougher than your tanky”.

The pro-Singer Statue crowd, estimated at 13,000 people, were vocal, but mainly peaceful. Many carried signs, including dozens which read “United for Singer”, “Mexican Farm Workers For Singer” “Black Panthers For Singer” and “Armenian Americans Usually For Singer”. One woman, being interviewed on CNN, carried a sign which read “If Ruth Reichl Knowingly Lives With Him, How Bad Could He Be?”

As the National Guard and Missouri State Police tried to force their way to the base of the Singer Statue, one young man stood in the tank’s way. It was Nick Singer, Michael Singer’s son.

“That young Singer went Tiananmen Square on those motherfuckers,” said Stan Musial, a local baseball player. “He went ‘Tank Man’ on those robots.” Musial was referring to the famous incident on June 5, 1989 when a lone young Chinese man stood face-to-tank on Chang’an Avenue in Beijing during student pro-democracy protests. (As an aside, Fox News reported that while the younger Singer was confronting the tank, a Russian made T-72, he received a text from a Monica Albu which read as follows - “How long r u gonna stand in front of stupid tank??? ‘Woman Under da Influence' starts at 6”)

Meanwhile as this was unfolding, Trump tweeted furiously about the failure to remove the statue and, according to White House sources, spent much of Tuesday in the Oval Office toilet. “Knowing that little creamer bitch, he probably was gassing all day,” said White House Director of Laundry, Debbie White.

Among the pro Singer marchers was Tammie Featherstone of Atlanta, Georgia who drove down to help prevent the tank and yank. “Singer is a good man who fights for those who need his voice,” said Featherstone, whose nephew Jimmy Atchison was shot to death by an Atlanta policeman in January, 2019. “My nephew was killed and a week later D’ettrick Griffin was killed. Singer spoke up for them, Tweeted for them long before it was the right thing to do. It’s still the right thing to do, of course, but Singer been doing it for his whole career. “

One man seemed perplexed about the whole situation.

“I mean i know the dude’s bool,” said Cleamon “Big Evil” Johnson in a phone interview from Men’s Central, using the Bloods word for “cool”,. “But the thing is why he even have a statue in the first place? The man ain’t dead. Statues are for the gone. The long gone. Singer alive and kicking. You feel me?”

Singer, who turned 80 today, could not be reached for comment. He is said to be in quarantine somewhere in the South Bronx.

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