IN LOCKDOWN AT SAN QUARANTINE WITH NANCY SILVERTON AS MY CELLIE

Like most everyone in California, I’m in lockdown. In a Garcetti-Newsom ordered “isolation”, for the benefit of us and everyone else.  Kinda like when Big Evil used to get sent – for years – to the Adjustment Center at San Quentin. I call this home confinement San Quarantine. My cellie is Nancy Silverton

Being in isolation with Nancy Silverton sounds like a dream come true. So when I heard we had to stay in the house,  in San Quarantine, I thought about the opening lines of “Cheek to Cheek”. Nancy works so much at the Mozza Corner that I could get the whole day with her without dozens of people coming up with issues and/or boring chat. No one walking up as we eat and “Dinnerrupting” us.

And I was right. It’s been strangely wonderful. But, today we did something that was so out of the ordinary, so straight out un-Nancy like that it compelled me to write. We watched a segment this morning of “Let’s Make A Deal”.

Let’s get right to it. The contestant, a preschool owner in her late 30s, early 40s, wore a bright magenta wig and a flowery dress and was – as apparently required – overzealous. I mean she was bouncing around like a bad version of Tina Turner. I didn’t catch her name, but I’ll call her Rita.

With Nancy watching from the Ruth couch and me on the chair near the tube, the host, my boy Wayne Brady,- who I’ve never heard of. - offered Rita a gigantic peanut butter cup. Not Reese’s. Nevertheless, inside this pie-sized peanut butter cup was money. An undisclosed amount, of course.

Rita could have this or what’s behind the curtain. Or wait, a third choice, what was on a cart. Hmm. I yelled for Rita “Take the peanut butter cup!”  This seemed a win win. Even if there’s was only 10 bucks, you get a huge PBC. Nancy, new at this, was urging Rita to take the curtain. Rita quickly passed on the cart, which had $1,000 worth of, I don’t know, some shit I forgot.

Then Rita did the unthinkable, She passed on the huge peanut butter cup. At this point, my respect for Rita dwindled to nothing. Host Wayne then tossed a curve. He offered her another curtain.

“What’s behind that curtain?” Nancy asked me.  That right there shows you what she knows about this program . I know the basics of the show, having watched it during in the Johnson administration with the legendary Monty Hall as the host.

“That’s the whole point, Rita don’t know. Hasn’t a clue.’  Rita passed. The curtain was revealed and it was a 4-day trip to Mexico where she could’ve been shot or at least kidnapped. Rita wasn’t a total moron, unlike someone we know.

The curtain she picked was unveiled. A chrome washer/dryer set.

Nancy was disappointed  And bored. So was I and we moved on, .

Judge Judy in the house! A man had traded a rifle for some auto body work. The body work wasn’t done properly and he wanted his gun, a Winchester 30/30, back.

That’s how San Quarantine can be. I flipped and we settled on Gov Newsom, and Los Angeles County Health Director Barbara Ferrer. two stalwarts during The Insanity.

And made a hamburger. With Nancy’s Blend.