Kirby "Dr. K" Shaw Named Best Guest of the Mozza Staff Party

NORMALLY DRUNK, HE MAY HAVE SAVED LIVES, LAPD SAYS

BY JIMMY DOLAN

When oddsmakers in Las Vegas were laying bets on who would be drunkest at the annual Mozza Worker’s Party held on Labor Day, there were two favorites; Michael Krikorian and Kirby Shaw, the Corner’s version of Seabiscuit and Secretariat when it comes to drinking.

But, come Labor Day at Nancy Silverton’s home in Windsor Square, Osteria Mozza sous chef Kirby Shaw stepped up and - instead of being drunk - was the one taking care of the several drunks in attendance. He took away car keys, stopped a DJ from electrocuting himself, checked the pulse of at least four inebriated party goers, talked and guided three people  - who were about to drown - out of the pool.

 For these actions,  Kirby Shaw has been named Guest of the Labor Party aka GOLP.

 “Kirby saved several lives that day,” said LAPD Commander Cory Palka who heads the West Bureau. “If Shaw wasn’t there, our officers would have been all over that party.”

While this may not be stunning to those who know Shaw well, it comes as a shock to the scores whose knowledge of him is simply from parties and after-shift gatherings.

That’s understandable. Let’s examine the facts. He’s Irish. He’s 25. He talks almost as much about drinking as he does his beloved Dodgers. He’s Irish. He often takes the subway. In Los Angeles. Who takes the subway in Los Angeles if they are sober? Plus, he’s Irish.

Lia Shaw, Kirby’s mother, perhaps best known in the Osteria Mozza kitchen for her chocolate chip cookies, was thrilled to hear her son had been honored as GOLP. “For a quarter of a century I have dreamed of Kirby winning something, anything. And for him to be honored at Nancy’s house, well, it means it was all worth it. I mean he’s been known to gulp, so it’s nice to have him win the GOLP.”

Kirby’s father, reached in London via cell phone, did not believe the news at first, “What?”, Kevin Shaw yelled. “We must have a bad connection. Can you hear me?  It sounds like you said Kirby was the sober one and helped the drunks? You’re breaking up. Can you hear me? “

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 As for Krikorian, well, something was clearly off with him. He was nice to a Turk

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Top 10 Reasons Chi Spacca Did Not Received A Michelin Star

Saturday afternoon at Chi Spacca, during the preview of Pizzette, Nancy Silverton and Kirsten Mayell’s new venture in a Culver City food court set to open late Fall, legendary local wine professional Gary Alan - or is that Alan Gary? - came up to me and said “This is the best restaurant in Los Angeles.”

He was, of course, referring to Chi - or chi - Spacca. He is not alone in that opinion. Many people, including - occasionally - Nancy Silverton herself, have told me that.

Then why, when the Michelin Guide returned in June after a decade long absence, was Spacca shut out? Nothing. No stars. The reasons, officailly, are not being released. However, a joint investigative team from the Washinton Post ;and Krikorain Writes has just unveiled the top 10 reasons Spacca did not receive a Michelin star.

10. Michelin inspectors could not get a reservation.

9. One of the inspectors, Francois Geronimo, a descendant of the legendary Apache chief, felt extreme nervousnes by “Tomahawk” menu offering.

8. Another inspector, about to award a star, took it away in the confusion over “chi” or “Chi”.  “Is it capped or not? Is it Spacca or SPACCA? Get your name spelling together and maybe get the star.”

7. An inspector felt sous chef Joe Tagorda was “Hurtful”  

6. Michelin inspectors too busy staring at Eva to notice the food.

5. One inspector said “Food was clearly two Michelin stars, but view of Circle K bummed me out.”

4. Another inspector said “About to award a star, but was seated at table 33 and homeless man urinating outside revolted my taste buds..”

3. Inspector Jamal Adid Mohammad said “I didn’t like the fact some guy named Jesus was cooking my food.”

2. Chief Michelin Inspector Pierre SuSway told the Post and Writes “Truth? I called Nancy up to tell her we were going to award Chi SPACCA  with the first ever three stars in L.A . And you know what she said? She said ‘Don’t do that. Don’t give me any stars for Spacca. If Spacca got three stars, Ryan’s head would get so big he’d go back to wearing that damn Dodgers cap in the dining room.”

 1. And the number one reason Chi Spacca did not get a Michelin star?

Michelin Guide was paid  $600,000 by Chad Colby and his wife NOT to give Spacca star.


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Nancy Silverton's Stunning Fried Chicken Revelation

This morning, Friday, May, 10th, 2019, I handed her a bowl of some goo. She looked at it and then Nancy Silverton went silent. She was having her culinary equivalent of a bolt of lightening hurled down from Zeus. I could tell. The event lasted mere seconds. Then she spoke.

“Raul, do you have any raw chicken?” Raul, Osteria Mozza’s day time sous., didn’t Neither did Sal, his boss. . But, Benji, from the pizzeria did.

Dip. Dip. Fry.

Distracted, I headed home. Halfway there, a mile away, I got a call. “Come back. You have to taste this fried chicken.”

Naturally, I did and now I’m writing about it. Today is the L.A. Times’ Food Bowl fried chicken event. They’ll be lotta good fried chicken. Howlin’ Rays even, maybe. But they’re won’t be any breakthroughs like I witnessed. When told what was going on, Shiri Nagar, the storied gelato master of the Mozza Corner, simply had a look of wonder and said “I don’t think that’s ever been done.”

I tried to get the recipe unveiled here. Nancy did, too, But, that little urine licker sellout Bill Barr insisted on redacting the key element, so we will have to wait. The working title is Nancy’s La Brea Bakery Sourdough Fried Chicken”. That was not redacted and is key.

Here is a photograph smuggled out of the Corner.

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Michael Cimarusti's James Beard Award Under Review After Presenter Elizabeth Falkner Accused Of Collusion

Three days after the sports world was stunned when Kentucky Derby winner Maximum Security was disqualified for interference, the restaurant world was shocked to learn their most revered awards show was rife with intimidation, judge tampering and even collusion with presenters.

The news broke in Chicago early Tuesday morning, less than 12 hours after the end of James Beard Awards, the so-called “Culinary Academy Awards”,. when a shaken chef Elizabeth Falkner, who presented the award for “Best Chef in the West”, was accused of collusion and placed in protective custody by the FBI immediately after giving a tearful news conference where she broke her silence on what law enforcement is calling the “underporkbelly” of the restaurant world.

Falkner said she feared for her life and that’s why she blurted out “Michael Cimarusti“ as the winner of the award for best chef in the west. There was jubilation in the crowd for Cimarusti, the chef and co-owner of the revered Los Angeles seafood restaurant Providence, who had finally won an award that had eluded him for nine years.

Or had he?

Falkner, literally shaking, refused to name names, but she said her life was threatened by a business associate of Cimarusti’s. When a reporter pressed her to give up a name, Falkner went ballistic. “What the fuck? Do you think I want to be sleeping with the striped bass? I’d be floating in the Chicago River in an hour if I give you the name. Fuck you and your newspaper.”

Almost immediately the announcement, another Los Angeles chef, Jessica Koslow of Sqirl who finished second in the voting. said Cimarusti should not be disqualified. “I love Michael and last night was a long time coming. He is a great chef, but his boss has no business in the restaurant world.”

Koslow was referring to reputed mob boss Donato Poto, Cimarusti’s business partner who calls himself “a humble front of the house guy” at Providence. An FBI agent,, speaking on the condition of anonymity, scoffed at that notion. “Don Poto calling himself a front of the house guy” is like Don Corleone calling himself an olive oil salesman,” he said.

It is universally believed that the genuinely nice Cimarusti had absolutely nothing to do with any alleged crimes. However, sources admitted they were focusing their investigation Poto.

In the jam-packed after parties of the James Beard Awards, Don Poto smiled at this reporter when asked about the incident and possible collusion, and intimidation. When he finally spoke, it was chilling.

“Write what you have to write. Just be careful. Everyone knows you’re not hard to find. You’re at the Mozza Corner every night, right? I would hate for something unfortunate to happen to you. You have a lot to live for.. All I’m saying is be careful. Enjoy your time in Chicago.”

Terrified Elizabeth Falkner Accepts A “Handshake” From Donato “Don” Poto.

Terrified Elizabeth Falkner Accepts A “Handshake” From Donato “Don” Poto.



Trump Unleashes Twitter Tirade On Kate Green's Birthday; Calls her "34 Million Years Old", Says KG Stands For "Krug Guzzler"

Just hours before the kickoff of the highly anticipated annual six-week-long celebration of Kate Elizabeth Green’s birthday, U.S. President Donald J. Trump took to Twitter, unleashing a series of lengthy - and often untrue, rude and misspelled - comments about the controversial and very public personal assistant to Nancy Silverton.

Three hours before the celebration was set to begin at the Firehouse Hotel in the Arts District of Los Angeles.Trump fired off a first Tweet, that, in light of his Sunday “super fuck-up” regarding the Sri Lanka attacks that he wrote “killed at least 138 million people”, could only be construed as petty. He wrote “Congratulations To Kate Green on herrr birthday. She’s 34 million years old. Boy, I thought she was only 31 million years old. She’s probably way too old for Crazy Joe Biden to molest”

Minutes later he followed that up with a “KG. people thought it means Kate Green. We know it means KRUG GUZZLER. Hey, Krug Guzzler, what’s wrong with American sparklers? Go back to France”

Not content to stop there, the President, who didn’t tweet at all today about Syria, Watts, Health Care or Sri Lanka, typed in “Hey Krug Guzzler, wasn’t it David Rosoff who schooled you that Krug didn’t come in a box?

Apparently fired up, trump didn’t let up. “Hey Krug Green, what ever happened to your Beaujolais period? You Bo-Joe phase only lasted 5 million years.”

Kate Green, who hired on at The Corner more than 12 years ago, burst on the national scene during the now-storied first anniversary of Pizzeria Mozza. It was on that night in 2007 when Nancy, going solely on the nearby seat Kate had taken, gave her credit for the restaurant’s success. Most in attendance, all Mozza employees, had no clue who she was. In fact, dozens in the crowd said “Kate who?”

Since then, well, she hasn’t been exactly shy in celebrating her successes and her birthdays. When she won the “30 Under 30” award in 2014, she hired Annie Leibowitz to take photographs of her and party attendees at a photo booth she had set up in Yosemite Valley with Half Dome as a backdrop. .

On her 30th birthday, an the Times of London ran a story that was later found out to be a hoax. The hoax? That a remote fishing village in Madagascar had NOT been aware of Kate Green’s upcoming birthday. Who could possible believe a story that claimed there was a place on Earth that wasn’t up on her birthday.

To read it in full … http://www.krikorianwrites.com/blog/2015/4/21/remote-village-in-east-madagascar-claims-to-have-no-knowledge-of-kate-greens-upcoming-birthday

An hour before press time here, Trump continued his tirade. “When Krug Guzzler lived in Modesto it was like a war zone. They called it the Fallujah of the Central Valley. But since she left and since i became president, Modesto is one of the safest cities in the world..”

As deadline approached, he threw in one more Twitter dig on Kate Green’s 34th birthday - “Your criminal Uncle Mike keeps promising you a bottle of Raveneau Chablis, Le Clos.. Where is the Raven-OH? I bet all he gave you on your 34th millionth birthday was some stupid story.”

Green, who was accompanying Silverton while the revered chef did a podcast in Hollywood, was unavailable for comment.

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"Baby You Got It", Dinner At Lyle's In Shoreditch, London Ranks Among Most Pleasurable Of All Time

Halfway into the fish dish of a five-course dinner last Friday night at Lyle’s restaurant in London, soul singer Brenton Wood unexpectedly came on the sound system cooing one of my all-time favorite songs, “Baby You Got it”. It was a stunning moment of sheer bliss. The song, the comfortable setting, the charming service , the bread and the butter, the brill fish on the bone and - most of all - the woman seated across from me brought a feeling of such contentment, such pleasure that it was immediately placed on the list of the prized moments of my life.

We had a lunch at Lyle’s on a Wednesday and in very unusual fashion returned two days later for dinner to this “casual fine” Shoreditch restaurant. As we nestled in, the staff charmed. They weren’t over the top effusive, nor superlative-heavy in speech, but rather they were all people we enjoyed chatting with. There was Francesca, and Sally and Emma ( who looked like that actress Emma Stone) and they talked when it was right and left when it was right.

The first lunch from chef James Lowe was a hanger steak and a monkfish tail on cartilage that had Nancy going on and on. Familiar with monkfish, but not on the cartilage. this dish had her mesmerized. There were a few superlatives she didn’t use - she knows better to say ‘amazing’ around me - but very few. The beef was delicious, too,

The dinner, our last in London, began the same as lunch; with a loaf of house-made bread and - even better - a slab of house-made butter that had me fooled it was from Normandy. This butter was the closest thing to Rudy ( Rodolphe La Meunier’s buerre de baratte) I have had in recent memory.. It was so good that Nancy asked me to get the recipe - which chef John told us at the table - for the upcoming “The Barrish” restaurant at the Hollywood Roosevelt Hotel. For the record I told her I’m not gonna write him a email asking for the butter recipe. First. let me tell on Krikorian Writes how divine the the meal was. then I’ll ask.

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The main course was a guinea hen, a breast and thigh. Was superb.

Then the kicker, the co-owner/GM John Oiger, came to the table and - speaking with charm and a slight bit of even more charming awkwardness - told us that “The folks on table 31 would like to buy your dinner.” How do you refuse that?

Turns out it was some chefs from New Orleans who had been to the same Miami Beach food festival recently that Nancy was at, but hadn’t met her. They wanted to show their appreciation of Nancy buy buying us dinner. (Nancy calls this my “fringe benefits.”)

Anyway it was a lovely end to a extraordinary dinner. Later we learned the place not only has a Michelin star, but was ranked 38th on that World’s 50 Best list. a list that with the inclusion of Lyles, I now have a little more respect for.

Here’s to fringe benefits and here’s to Lyles. Their website… https://www.lyleslondon.com/

And here’s to Brenton Wood, and the writers of “Baby You Got it , Alfred Smith, Joseph Hooven and Jerry Winn.

Listen here and hear https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BDTFxK-ssnk

I run after you 
Like a fool would do
But mama didn't raise no fool
And I should know
That baby you got it 
That's all I can say to you

You got soul, too much soul
Foxy clothes, the cutest nose
The greatest shape
There's nothing fake about you 
Baby you got it

People can be cruel
They say I lost my cool
But it's very hard to keep my cool
When I'm around you 
'Cause baby you got it
That's all I can say to you

You got soul, too much soul
Foxy clothes, the cutest nose
The greatest shape
There's nothing fake about you 
Baby you got it

Now that I found you 
Gonna cling to you 
I'll give you lovin', money
Everything to you 
No matter what they say 
Doesn't matter what I do 
I'm never gonna love another girl but you 
'Cause baby you got it 
That's all I can say to you

You got it….


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Nancy Silverton's Five Most Memorable Meals

A memorable meal doesn’t have to be extravagant. It might be a cheeseburger at dive bar that hits the right spots or even a bag of Fritos on a road trip. That said, the most memorable meals I’ve had in my life have been on the extravagant side.

The first was when I was 11; my dad told my sister and I that we were going out for our mom’s birthday. “We’re going to celebrate at some place prestigious,” he said. My sister and I looked at each other and mouthed that word – “prestigious” – in anticipation.

That place was La Serre, then the fanciest restaurant in the San Fernando Valley, Los Angeles, where we lived. I don’t remember what we ate – it was 53 years ago! – but it was a turning point in my dining life. Knowing the impression La Serre left on me, my parents later bought me a set of its serving plates. I still have them.

**

In 1978, after training at Le Cordon Bleu in London, I was working at 464 Magnolia in Larkspur, California, and kept hearing about a restaurant in Berkeley called Chez Panisse. So I went. As clichéd as it sounds, Alice Waters’ food that night changed my life. I can vividly remember the quality of the ingredients: be it a snap pea or raspberry, it was clear they’d been selected with the utmost care. I prefer food where ingredients are the star, not the chef. Chez Panisse (chez panisse.com) continues to shine at that.

When a kitchen is involved in what I call “Manipulative cuisine”, the ingredients do not matter as much as the technique. I’m not a technician. I prefer the food to be the star, not the chef. At Chez Panisse, which came along well before manipulative cuisines, Alice has thankfully stayed true to its original path.

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Since 2013, during my summer vacation in Italy, I have been having a lunch – planned months in advance – at Massimo Bottura’s Osteria Francescana in Modena. Massimo takes traditional Italian dishes and refines them, increasing their intensity without losing the rustic roots. My favourite memory of “OF” was ordering the first time. We were a group of six and spent 30 minutes carefully selecting from the menu. Five minutes later, Massimo appeared. He looked at our order, shook his head and said, “Let me order for you.” We did. It was a wise decision.

At another lunch at OF, I kept saying to my dining companions, “Who the hell does Massimo think he is? He’s making the rest of us chefs look like slackers.”  I was having fun, but I wasn’t 100% joking. Check that story out here on Krikorian Writes http://www.krikorianwrites.com/blog/2015/7/23/nancy-silverton-to-massimo-bottura-who-the-hell-do-you-think-you-are

**

About two hours south of Massimo, nestled amidst the postcard hills of Chianti vineyards, is the realm of the world’s most famous butcher, Dario Cecchini of Antica Macelleria Cecchini, who, by the way, calls me his sister. He does not call the rooms where one eats a “restaurant”, but rather “the home of a butcher.” If you go, make sure Dario is there. He is part of the experience and expect him to hold up two gigantic bisect Fiorentina and, in a booming voice, say “To beef or not to beef!”

If you are fortunate, Dario will tell a touching story about the first time he ever had a bisect Fiorentina.   His family was poor, and they taught him the value of every part of the cow, and how the tendons were as good as the loin. I can’t duplicate the story, can’t do the story justice, just go to the butcher shop in Panzano en Chianti and eat his story.

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Still, if I had to name a single most memorable meal I ever had in my life it would have to be at the Hotel de Ville, in Crissier, Switzerland, a small town outside of Lausanne. The chef and owner was someone I bet most young cooks and chefs around the world today don’t even know of. Yet, by any measure, in the 1980s and 1990s, he was the greatest chef in the world, a title even Joel Robuchon bestowed on Fred;y Girardet.

Flawless. That’s what the meal was. I’ve had versions of the dishes at other restaurants - seared goose foie gras, lamb loin, pasta with morels and truffles, and so on – but, everything Fredy sent out was the best version I have ever had. The precise Swiss technique combine with a Coltrane creativity, and the almost maniacal search for the best ingredients combined to make Fredy Girardet meal the best dining experience I have ever had.

One quick story form Girardet alumni Daniel Humm who runs Eleven Madison Park in New York City. “We would find these tomatoes, that were magnificent,” Daniel told me several years ago. “And then Fredy would look at them, sniff and say ‘Good tomatoes, but not good enough.”

One more thing at Fredy’s and I’ll finish. The eclairs. You may have seen eclairs with their fillings as bright as crayons. At Fredy’s they brought out these eclairs that had just a hint of hue, just enough tint that you had a inkling of what they were. It might seem curious to end a segment on the greatest restaurant talking about eclairs, but that was part of the thrill of this meal at Fredy Girardet.

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"Major Leaks". New Book By White House Laundry Manager Claims Trump Often Soils Himself

The housekeeping staff of the current White House has a daily - and rather bizarre - ritual. They gather around the laundry quarters and - with room’s manager acting like a modern day Nathan Detroit hosting a floating crap game - make their daily bets. The wager? it’s, well, it’s about crap, but not shooting craps. They bet if or if not President Donald Trump’s underwear is stained with leaked fecal matter.

“Hardly anyone bets that Don’s shorts are clean,” said a laundry assistant who spoke on the condition of anonymity. “We call him “The ‘Brown Stainer in Chief”, He’s a major feces leaker. No doubt.”

This Friday, so-called Black Friday, “Major Leaks”, the dredly anticipated new book from White House laundry manager Debbie White will be released and is certain to cause the White House much embarrassment. Already spokesman Sarah Huckabee Sanders has stated she will not “dignify this toilet trash with a response.”

Still, the book is already generating major buzz. It’s pre-order sales on Amazon have it as the 2nd most popular book, after Michele Obama’s “Becoming”.

And Major Leaks has its fans. Saudi Crown Prince Mohammed bin Salman, aka BSM, said he bought six copies and thinks “Trump should be allowed to shit on himself with impunity because he’s such a good guy.“ BSM, the Arabic initials that translates roughly into “little bitch who sucks male anus and is afraid of writers”, was recently acquitted by Trump of the murder of the brave journalist Jamal Khashoggi.

The book’s author, White, a self describe “proud Republican”, said she felt complied to write the book because she felt Trump was doing to America what he is doing to his shorts. “I was a philosophy major at Washington University in St. Louis and it seems to me he is using his underwear to play the role of the American public. So he shits on himself. Trump often says “America first”. I hope this book will help everyone understand what he really means by that.”

MIchael Singer, a former FBI agent who headed the famed Behavioral Science division. said his unit has pinpointed the public brown staining moments. “If you notice during his press conference when he kinda squints? We are pretty sure that’s the very moment when he shits on himself. Another tell is the disgusted look on the face of his wife.”

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L.A. Mayor Garcetti Backs City Council Plan To Officially Rename Homeless People As "Urban Campers"

You’ve seen the tents, from the Figueroa Street financial district to Sunset & Vine, from the bluffs of Santa Monica to the alleys of Koreatown. The tents, tens of thousands of them donated, have replaced cardboard boxes as the “homes” of the homeless. Once banished to the forsaken land known as Skid Row, they are now on view all over town for residents and tourist to glance and ignore.

Well now, hoping to stem the negative connotation that come with the word “homeless”. the mayor of Los Angeles, Gil Garcetti, who has all but announced he is running for president, has backed a City Council proposal to rename those unfortunate folks as“Urban Campers”.

“Who doesn’t like to camp?” said Garcetti, who has clearly never met Nancy Silverton or my sister Jeanine Krikorian Ash. “I think the city will benefit greatly as image is everything in this town. .Besides. if we do rename them, i can boast I got rid of the homeless.”

Several City Council members were vocal in their support of the mayor.

“Some people camp at Tuolumne Meadows in Yosemite,” said councilman Duke Feldmeier, whose 1st District includes Skid Row. “Others like a spot off ‘Going To The Sun Road ‘ in Glacier National Park in Montana. Then there are those “Urban Campers” who go for 5th and Wall. To each his own.”

Some thought the new term was a natural progression for these downtrodden.

“They used to be called bums,” said Los Angeles deputy archbishop Rev. Lon M Burns “Then we upgraded them to homeless. Now they are going to be urban campers. Who knows? They way they set up camp near courthouses, in another few years we might start calling them judges.”

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