"Trump. Don Trump"
Hailing him as the "second coming" of James Bond, the Democratic National Party will honor secret agent Don Trump Monday evening at a black-tie gala held in the grand ballroom of the Waldorf Astoria Hotel in New York City.
Trump, who went undercover as "Donald J Trump" and infiltrated the Republican Party so deeply they actually - believe it or not - nominated him as their candidate for the President of the United States, was said to be thrilled that the 16-month-long charade was finally over.
"He is so totally unburdened now that it's basically over and he can really go back to being his cool, caring self and not the pure butterhole he has been playing since he announced last June," said Trump's fellow agent - and friend - Sam Johnson, who himself has been undercover as Reince Priebus, chairman of the Republicn National Committee. "I'm excited it's all over, too. Do you know how difficult it is to answer to the name Reince."
The Waldorf Astoria gala, which is a sellout at $120,000 an eight-top, will be emceed by actor Robert DeNiro, who not only was a vocal opponent of "Donald J Trump", but secretly coached him on the fine points of "pretending to be someone so unlike your real self."
"Don was a fast learner, but also a good ad-libber," said DeNiro, who called the "candidate" a pig, punk and idiot, among other slurs, earlier this week on social media. "That bit about him admiring [Russian strongman Vladimir] Putin was all his own creation. Brilliant. This agent coulda been another Brando."
Also being honored at the event will be secret agents Ralph Waxman, who posed as a community activist, and Pat Asanti who posed as an actor and disgruntled Jets fan. Both Waxman and Asanti posted dozen of undercover Facebook commentaries pretending to deride the Republican candidate.
Due to financial arraignments with ABC and CNN, Don Trump will play the role of Donald J. Trump on Sunday night's debate. Watch closely for winks to him from Hillary Clinton, the Democratic nominee for president and - as shown below - a close friend of Don Trump.