Nancy Silverton, the only person ever to win the James Beard Award for both outstanding chef in America and outstanding pastry chef, unveiled her most ambitious project yet Thursday morning; a 51-foot " Moveable Feast Ladder " that can be placed wherever there are walls designed to keep out people seeking a better life.
Silverton, standing before an artist's rendition of the ladder, said what will distinguish the "Moveable Feast Ladder" will be the quality of the cuisine offered at various steps along the way to the summit and - hopefully - to that better life.
"Most ladders the food is not that good," Silverton told a jam-packed press conference at "The Corner", aka Highland and Melrose in Hollywood South. "Yeah, you can sometimes get a decent sandwich on a ladder. maybe a beer, but nothing memorable. My ladder is going to be the first ladder with a Michelin star."
The first Moveable Feast Ladder ( MFL) will likely be located somewhere near either Ciudad Juarez or North Tijuana.
However, almost immediately, critics of the MFL began denouncing it, with many saying the ladder was a blatant attempt by Silverton to thwart the efforts of President Donald J. Trump ( did I just type that?) to stop the influx of Mexicans into his beloved California.
"First of all, most of the Mexicans in Los Angeles work at Mozza anyway, so, for Silverton, the more Mexicans here, the larger the worker pool," said Betsy DaVos, Trump's lame-ass Secretary of Education. "And doesn't that silly woman realize if she puts food on a ladder that potential grizzly bears would be attracted to it? I sure the hell hope she has armed guards on her stupid MFL."
Others scoffed at the notion the food would be good enough on the MFL to garner a Michelin star. One vocal opponent was Kelly Anne Conway, who, at this point, doesn't need much of an introduction.
"I seriously doubt Michelin would rate a ladder - even with one terrific food - because they don't give out stars to restaurants or ladders that move," said Conway.
Dismissing critics, Silverton said the 51-foot high ladder would be an-even-more impressive 15-feet, 5 inches wide. The plans are for steps to be placed at a 4 inches attitudal progression and, therefore, be a 153-step affair.
At step 36 ( 12 feet elevation) there will be a relatively small "Mezza Landing" featuring "Dips of the World" from Armenia, Syria, Lebanon, Israel, Chechnya, Mexico and others nations known for their dips.
At Step 90 ( 30 feet elevation ) the headline grabbing "Taco Station" will featuring primarily al pastor in both tacos and occasionally quesadillas with tortillas provided by Burritos La Palma in El Monte.. In addition, there will be weekly specials from guest chefs including Chris Feldmeier, Dominique Crenn, Elizabeth Falkner, Suzanne Tracht, Dahlia Narvaez, Ryan Vito Denicola, Jonathan Waxman, Suzanne Goin, Jose Andres, Bryant Ng, Massimo Bottura and Chapo Guzman's personal chef, Luis Ramirez.
Just three feet above at Step 99 will be the Wine Platform which will featuring reds from Silverton's native Umbria including her beloved Montefalco di Sagrantino Pagliaro of Paolo Bea and the stunning Vermino vermouth of David Rosoff. As of press time, there were no plans to serve hard alcohol or beer or even white wines. However, a source close to Mozza said Silverton's aide-de-camp, Kate Elizabeth Green, is currently in negotiations with renowned Chablis producer Jean-Marie Raveneau.
Silverton would neither confirm or deny rumors that for the grand opening renowned restaurateur Caroline Styne would donate a Nebuchadnezzar of 1947 Chateau Cheval Blanc.
Near the summit, at Step 141 ( 47 foot elevation) at "Top Pops", Nancy will be offering paletas made from primarily from Chino Ranch fruit.
There will be no charge for food or wine for those who go over the wall as, in Silverton's words "Those dreamers will need every buck they can to figure out how to get down on the other side". If patrons simply go up the wall for the food and wine, and come back down, there will be a $100 charge, service not included.
At the press conference Silverton was confronted by an reporter from Fox News who asked "What good will your 51 foot ladder be once they figure it out and make it a 70 foot wall?
Silverton smiled and said "Not a problemo. When they go high, we go underneath. Tunnels, my amigo, tunnels."