Francis Sebastian, the Pizzeria Mozza assistant manager best known for knowing the future, shocked the workers of the world when he was selected Worker of the Party (WOP) for the exclusive Alex’s Lemonade Pre-Auction Bash at Nancy Silverton’s home in Los Angeles, California.
Sebastian, the first Filipino to win the award, was said to be speechless when he learned he had won. Sources, however, said that was not because he was overcome with emotion, but rather had consumed 27 cans of Santa Monica Brewery IPA during the party and was basically comatose.
But, those at the party, said the beers were deserved. Francis worked tirelessly early in the set-up of the event, single-handedly carrying heavy tables, being the good soldier and doing whatever anyone told him to do, even Kate Green.
It was the actions of Green, in fact, that, though perhaps inadvertently, helped secure Sebastian’s win. When an Armenian man, given the important task of checking the sound system, could not get the stereo system to even go on, Green order him to “Try harder!”. He did, pulling out a tangle of wires, tracing the stereo to the power source. No power.
“Try harder, goddamnit,” Green demanded. “We need music. It’s a fuckin’ party, not a funeral.”
The Armenian claimed the system was old and probably had simply burned itself out. “Kate, the power just won’t come on.”
Francis walked by.
“Francis, see if you can get the music going,” Kate said. “Clearly Middle Easterners know nothing about electronics. Let’s bring in the Asian.”
Francis walked over, pushed a button and the stereo came on. “You were probably pushing the “standby” button.”
Kate stared at the Armenian man, but didn’t say a word. He walked away. Suddenly, there was music. The party was on.
"Francis was great at the party," said Nancy Silverton. "Too bad he couldn't be that way at the Pizzeria."
News that a native son had won the WOP rocked the Philippines in both good and bad ways. In Manila’s historic center known as Intramuros, celebrations over news of Sebastian’s win quickly turned violent with cars sent ablaze, shop windows smashed and several lumpia carts vandalized.
Back in Los Angeles, there was mixed feelings.
“Are we talking about the same Francis Sebastian?” asked a stunned Chile Rico, who was Sebastian’s boss for over one year. “When he worked for me, and I use the term lightly, he was primarily talking about himself in unrealistically glowing terms.”
Others weren’t surprised.
“I don’t understand why everyone is stunned that Francis won the WOP at Nancy’s,” said noted anthropologist Kenneth “Duke” Feldmeier. “He told me he would win three years ago.”
(For his victory, Francis wins a burrito from Burrito La Palma.)