Tuscany On High Alert As "Laughing Lesbians", Banned From Umbria, Arrive In Florence


The good news is they are not The Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse. In fact, they might just be the exact opposite.

Dubbed Saturday in the Italian media as the “Four Lesbians of the Laughter”, a quartet of San Francisco Bay Area women - who had been in Umbria for the past week - arrived today in Florence and the city was prepared. They were prepared, not for destruction wrought by the Horsemen, but for a level of laughter perhaps not heard here since Bruneschelli slide off his Duomo and attempted - with disasterous results - to land on the adjacent Bell Tower of Giotto..

Authorites and citizens of Florence alike had been anxiously awaiting the arrival after learning the four had shattered the Umbrian laugher record while spending a week in the quiant town of Panciale. Darla K Anderson, Kori Rae, Bret Parker and Petey Wacc set a record of 2,101 group ‘jumbo laughs’ - over 110 decibles. - in the days they were in town. The four, in Panicale for Parker’s upcoming 40th birthday and to have a dinner prepared by Nancy Silverton at her home, average over 18.5 jumbo laughs per hour, ( allowing for eight hours to either sleep, pass out, our both.)

Scores of residents of Panicale have already filed formal complaints with the United States Embassy in Rome claiming sleep depravation and the resulting crankiness.

It wasn’t that there wasn’t a giant warning signs the Laughing Lesbians could be problematic. The four made an onimous entrance into Panicale. They crashed a 4th of July party hosted by Nancy Silverton at her home. Let me repeat that. They crashed a 4th of July party hosted by Nancy Silverton at her party.

Silverton herself saw them and turned to Michael Krikorian and said “Did you invite those lesbians?”

The word quickly spread to Florence. aka Firenze, that they were heading that way after it was confirmed by police that Darla K, the ringleader, had made a hotel reservation at an undisclosed site near the Arno.

“Look, of course I want to make tourists feel comfortable, and have a wonderful time, but my main concern is the citizens of Firenze,” said the city’s mayor Fabiano Ferrari. “My biggest concern? Of the four Ls? It would have to be that McGoo one. What’s her name? Bret? She’s liable to walk smack dab into the real David and knock my boy down. Or even the fake David out in the piazza. Hell, Mcgoo might walk into Giotto’s Bell Tower and crumble that old motherfucker. She’s a problem.”

Authorites also expressed concern for Petey Wacc, who is a dean of a K-8 school in Bernal Heights, a neighborhood of San Francisco not on any tourist’s “must see” list.

“Wacc is known for stealing sandwiches of poor students at her own school,” said Lorenzo Lamborghini, Florence’s chief of police. “Repeat. That’s students at her own school. For a balony sandwich! It’s frightening to think what she would do to a student she didn’t even know for a proscuitto de Parma panini.

As for Kori Rae, police chief Lamborghini was skeptical. ”Look, here’s a woman who right before she leaves town, gives Nancy Silverton three bottles of wine and three large hunk of percorino de PIenze. That seems very strange to us. It makes no goddamn sense. She will be closely monitored.”

But, it was ringleader Darla K Anderson who has brought the most worries to Italian authorities.

“This is a woman who lives to break rules,” said chief Lamborghini. “Someone tells her "‘don’t do something’, Guess what? She does it.“

Still, both Chief Lamborghini and Mayor Ferrari said their main concern about the ringleader was simply her name

“No one even knows what the “K” stands for,” said Lamborghini. “That’s a very dangerous letter.”

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