Brett "Li'l Bitch" Kavanaugh Breaks Shirley Temple's 81-Year-Old Record For Crying

In the 1937 film “Wee Willie Winkie”, childhood superstar Shirley Temple broke down in tears a stunning 11 times in a 55-minute span of the movie, widely considered her best. That pace, one crying fit every five minutes for nearly an hour, was thought to be one of those records that would never be broke. We are talking DiMaggio’s 56 game hitting streak, here. Chamberlain’s 100 points in a game.

But, Thursday, before a senate hearing Supreme Court nominee Brett Kavanaugh did what few thought could be done. He broke Shirley Temple’s legendary record as he broke down - weeping, crying, sobbing - an unheard of 13 times in less than 45 minutes. The crying fit earned Kavanaugh the nickname of Li’l Bitch, which he will be formally known as as soon as he gets his new driver’s license.

Kavanaugh’s SWS (Sobbing Webbing Style), has been compared to that of Carrie Mathison, the Homeland Security agent who breaks down several times a season on “Homeland”. But, while the federal court judge uses some of Mathison’s trademark quivering mouth technique, he takes it a step beyond by deploying his tongue deep into his left cheek. This creates the “bulging cheek” look, a look Kavanaugh seems unable to produce in other parts of his body.

After the quiver, then tongue-to-cheek move, Kavanaugh is unable to speak, he reaches for water and goes into the pathetic look mode that has universally earned him the title of Li’l Bitch.

It should be noted that his crying, sobbing, weeping does not produces actual tears, as pointed out by noted psychiatrist Wendi Matthews. “That little bitch is full of shit,” Dr. Matthews said.

..

"She's Ruining Mozza", I Am Part of the Resistance Against Nancy Silverton, An Anonymous Op-Ed

In a shocking and controversial opinion-editorial published anonymously in the Los Angeles Times, the writer of the scathing piece, a high-ranking employee of the celebrated Mozza Corner,  asserts schef/owner Nancy Silverton  is dangerously close to ruining her beloved restaurants at the intersection of Highland and Melrose in Hollywood South.

The Op-Ed paints an organization in turmoil with other high-ranking employees banding together like a renegade outfit in effort to reign in Silverton, perhaps the single most admired chef in the United States.

However, the Times is getting tons of criticism for publishing the piece anonymously, and Silverton and her cadre have expressed disgust and worse. While Silverton herself has called the writer "gutless" and and "a nimrod", her chief of security, Michael Krikorian, has vowed to find the culprit and "spray paint his or her bitch-ass hair purple and drop the gutless wonder off in the Nickersons," referring to the Bounty Hunter Blood-controlled Nickerson Gardens housing project in Watts which is associated with the color red. In other words, a death sentence.

Below is the actual op-ed.   For the record, we here at K Writes do not agree, support or condone anonymous articles. 

"I am part of the resistance to chef Nancy Silverton and her running and, dare I say, close to ruining the Mozza Corner. As a high-ranking member of her staff, I can say I am not alone. I will list a few particulars that I feel paint a portrait of a woman who travels too much. whose "inspirations and creations"  are often stolen from other chefs from faraway lands and who always seems just a wee little too nice to strangers.

For example, from June 19 to July 25, the peak of summer business, Silverton was not at the Corner at all, choosing instead to travel to Umbria, Italy and leave the city's most important restaurants in the hands of two young Korean-Americans, a white girl with the last name of Nguyen and an Italian American whose mind is focused almost entirely on someone named Zoe, his girlfriend who lives 2,299 miles away in Washington D.C..

Can you imagine Girardet or Bottura or Soltner  or Cecchini leaving their restaurants for a month during the busiest season and putting glorified teenagers in charge?

In the office, a confusion not seen since Watergate cover-up reigns supreme. The conversation there runs the gambit from Donald Trump to wedding planning to geometric purses to the Dodgers, but rarely does the topic of how to improve the restaurants come up  Though Silverton does not have a desk. she has a "Slot box" on the wall where her mail goes. and she often uses the desk of her chief aide-de-camp. Kate Green, as a drop point.. 

In one recent incident of thwarting Silverton's travel plans, a group of us in the "resistance", took out an invitation for Nancy to cook in celebration of the one-year anniversary of the Iraqi army retaking Mosul from ISIS.  She is so excited to travel anywhere she often doesn't do research into where she is going. A trip to Mosul could not possibly  benefit Mozza. Thanks to myself and others, she never knew of this hair-brained invitation.

To be clear, ours is not the popular “resistance” of the left or right. We want the Nancy administration to succeed and think that many of her policies have already made Los Angeles a far better dining city. 

But we believe our first duty is to the Corner, and Nancy Silverton continues to sometimes act in a manner that is detrimental to the health of our beloved Mozza..

Rachel Grisafi Becomes 1st Sicilian American To Win Mozza's Employee Of Month Award, Celebrations In Palermo Turn Violent

What began as a joyous celebration of one of their own - Rachel Grisafi - being honored with the coveted Mozza Employee of the Week Award , turned into a raucous free-for -all as an unruly crowd in Sicily's capital city of Palermo smashed pastry shop windows, stole several thousand cannoli, blocked traffic and took at least two dozen sardines hostage.

Leoluca Orlando, the mayor of Palermo, made a impassioned televised plea for calm, promising to release an unauthorized DVD of Grisafi taking a dip in South of France beach. That seemed to pacify most of the crowd.  It all stemmed from Grisafi winning the prestigious Employee of the Month Award on the Corner, the nearly mythical southwest intersection of Highland and Melrose in Hollywood.

Though "Classified" we have obtained a copy of the report that announced Rachel Grisafi's victory. It follows below:   

Picture this. You’re out on a romantic dinner date, and who walks up to your table but Carmelo Soprano, low-cut and all, big coco brown eyes smiling, earrings big enough for Lebron to shoot hoops through, and she’s holding your magnum of ’98 Gianfranco Soldera Brunello di Montalcino and she says “How’s this two-bit vino rosso working out for you lovers?”

If you know the Osteria, then you know I’m talking about Rachel Grisafi, the newest Mozza Employee of the Month  (aka EOM).

Rachel, aka “Carm”, grew up in – big surprise coming – Philly, and man, does it show.  Story has it when she was 13, she was dating Rocky Balboa. But, the lure of California was strong and Carm headed west.

She joined the Mozza squad on June 25, 2015 and under the leadership of Sarah Clarke, she’s become part of La Famiglia. You could say Mozza is her second famiglia. The first one being La Cosa Nostra in Sicily where authorities detained her briefly this past April . 

“She’s one of the warmest human beings I know,” said Jason Emanuel, a former EOM himself. “Her sense of hospitality is second to none.”

Owen and Sarah have observed something quite unique about her. Her height seems to vary – not anything to do with flats of high heels – but by the size of her trademark hoop earrings.

“It’s kind of bizarre,” said Owen, “But Sarah and I have both noticed that the bigger the hoops, and, as you know, they can be enormous, the taller she appears.”

Still, as much as the praise came in on word was released that Rachel had won the EOM, there was some concern about her floor performance from none other than her Boss of all Bosses, Nancy Silverton.

“The one drawback about Rachel is she is almost too chipper.”

Bocuse, Guzman, Loiseau, Marchesi, Escoffier Threaten Strike At Tony Gold's After Robuchon Named Chef de Cuisine

A week after Paradise was thrilled to learn Jonathan Gold and Anthony Bourdain were opening a restaurant together called Tony Gold's, the establishment has become embroiled in controversy after the announcement Thursday that Joel Robuchon would be the chef de cuisine.

Four already-hired chefs -  Auguste Escoffier, Fernand Point, Juan "Queso Guzman, Gualtiero Marchesi, Paul Bocuse and Bernard Loiseau  - threatened to walk off the job when they learned Robuchon. who only entered paradise late Sunday night, would be the main man in the heavenly kitchen.

"This is some straight out bullshit, " Escoffier said, throwing a gigantic pan of tournedos Rossini off a Mount Olympus crag.  "I've been up here for, what, 83 years and mashed potato boy been here a few days and he gets the nod?"

Point, formerly of planet Earth's storied La Pyramide in Vienne, France, was also flummoxed. "Joey R is one of the greats, we all know that. But, he really hasn't paid his dues up here.  That's all I'm saying."

As for his part, Guzman, the nearly mystical inventor of the quesadilla, seemed to strike a conciliatory gesture. "Maybe we could rotate. Ya know, like they do in baseball. Koufax one day, then Gibson and so on."

Loiseau, of Earth's Hotel de la Cote d'Or in Saulieu, Burgundy who was praised - and chided - for his water-based sauces, was perplexed. "I guess this means butter time.  Point must be fuckin' thrilled to the point of wood.

Equaling Escoffier in his outrage was Paul Bocuse who is not used to taking orders from anyone, not even French Presidents, said if Robuchon gave him an order he would likely not comply. "When mashed potato boy makes a truffle soup like mine, then maybe'll i'll listen.    

For those coupla dozen Earthlings who don't know yet, last week it was announced the two legends, Jonathan Gold and Anthony Bourdain, had teamed up to open a restaurant named Tony Gold's  There was rejoice from the pearled gates all the way to the summit of Mount Olympus.

A chef de cuisine had not been named, though Bocuse, Guzman's, Point's and Escoffier's name had been bandied about. Then Robuchon, with his 31 stars, moved up and the controversy began. 

Gold and Bourdain, reportedly touring the area in search of Pico Boulevard in Jonathan's Dodge Ram 4-door truck- with the famously well-fed dog Zeke in the truck's bed - were unavailable for comment.

Many local residents were stunned, but felt it was either too soon to comment or out of their field of expertise. . 

"I've been up here for 3,425 years, but leave me out of this one," said Moses, a commandment writer. "You need a sea parted, then get to me, but I don't know jack about the kitchen."  

As for Joel Robuchon himself, well, he wasn't all that thrilled with the new gig. "Look, I just want to cook. As far as I'm concerned, they ought to make Muhammad Ali the main man. At least, everyone would listen to him.

(For the previous article check - http://www.krikorianwrites.com/blog/2018/8/3/v0ozsrggefyha49ye3jtu6f1304x9q

BREAKING NEWS ANTHONY BOURDAIN & JONATHAN GOLD TO OPEN RESTAURANT TOGETHER IN HEAVEN

In an astounding joint statement that sent the four winds howling from the summit of Mount Olympus through Valhalla and to the very pearled gates of Paradise, Jonathan Gold and Anthony Bourdain announced Friday they would open a restaurant together in Heaven.

"It's in the early planning stages, but the working name is Tony Gold's," Bourdain told mythical Mozza beat reporter Morty Goldstein, Sr. during drinks at Jilly's Saloon. "We both thought Jonathan Bourdain's sounded too fancy."

Gold confirmed the report to the Mozza Tribune and added the place would sit 56,000, just like his cherished Dodger Stadium.  

"The seats will be much nicer than those at the Stadium and the parking lot will be vastly improved with food trucks scattered about," Gold said. "Tony and I have already contacted Enzo Ferrari about handling valet and he actually hired Fangio, Senna and Jim Clark earlier today. It's on.".

As for the food, it will most certainly be worldly. Gold and Bourdain have already talked to a few chefs including, according to sources,  French legends Auguste Escoffier and Fernand Point as well as Juan "Queso" Guzman, the storied East Culiacan-born inventor of the quesadilla. 

Eater Heaven obtained a portion of the interview Goldstein, Sr. did with the two recently arrived North Americans and some of it is published below.  The piece - which will run this Sunday in the Watts Times - is more a conversation between Gold and Bourdain, with Goldstein - wisely - staying mostly quite other than the occasional 'pop' of a shot glass being smashed onto the Jilly's bar top. The audio begins with Jonathan Gold ordering drinks.

Gold – We’ll have the Nebuchadnezzar of 356 B.C. Cheval Blanc.

Bourdain – In shot glasses. Forget those goblets.   

(Sound of wine being opened and poured.)

Bourdain - The 356 B..C. is a great vintage.

Gold - Alexander's birth year.

.They sip.

Bourdain - So, well, how'd you get here, J Gold?

Gold - "Ram."

Bourdain - Really? Sounds uncomfortable.

Gold - Not the animal, Bourdain.   My truck. The Dodge Ram.

Bourdain - Sweet

(A few shot glasses hit the bar top.)

Bourdain - Man, I was shocked and saddened to hear about you.

Gold - As was I you.

Bourdain - But man, the outpouring. The sendoff. Was beautiful, brother. I was watching it on the Big Screen at Perino's.

Gold - Perino's has a big screen?

Bourdain - They brought it in for you.   Last time was Ali-Frazier. The Thrilla in Manila. . Anyway, I was watching, and they had on "live" Ruth and Nancy staying up til dawn’s early light in Umbria talking about you.  Was beautiful.

Gold – I’m a fortunate man to have friends like that.

Bourdain - And Ruth's story. That kicker.  I don't even want to repeat it.

Gold - Don't.

Bourdain - I won't. But, let me ask you something about Nancy and Ruth. They're beautiful. Successful. Kindhearted.  They got it all. But, only one thing makes me wonder about them, especially about Nancy..

Gold - What?

Bourdain -   Nancy's boyfriend. What are they doing with that guy?   Half the time he's going on about the Nickersons, Grape Street, the 60s.

Gold - Ah, Krikorian, he ain't as hard as he lets on. In fact, something rough happen to Laurie and the kids?  Hell, Krikorian, he'd be there in the first wave.

Bourdain - That's comforting.

(The glasses hit the bar top)

Gold – You know, I’m from Rollin’ 60s.  Grew up on 63rd Street.  My ‘hood just about invented the drive-by.

Bourdain – Hmmp. I always associated you more with drive-ins.

They both laugh.  

Bourdain - I got another question for you.  That friend of yours, Margy.  What's up with that slow dance thing of hers?

Gold (laughs) - She was just making the kids and Laurie and me us feel not so down in the room. 

Bourdain - She's not exactly Ginger Rogers.

Gold - Hey, speaking of Ginger, you seen Fred up here?

Bourdain - Last night.  He was dancing and singing “Cheek to Cheek”.  Man, when you hear that opening line up here? Whoa.

Gold – Hey, Anthony, at our restaurant we should have Fred give dance lessons. Like on Friday at happy hour.

Bourdain – I love it. Fred Fridays.

(Shot glasses hit the bar top.)

Bourdain – We’ll probably need a mascot.

Just then, a sweet-looking golden retriever rescue - with rear legs that appear to be made completely of two whole prosciutto di Parma - ambles nearby. Gold stares.

Gold - Zeke? Hey, Zeke! When did you get here?

Zeke -Tuesday. Eh yo, I was at your birthday party Saturday.  Burgers were great! Nabbed me seven.

Bourdain - That’s the dog who stole my cheeseburger the one time I was at a Nancy’s backyard barbecue.

Gold - That claim hardly puts you in an elite unit.  He’ll be working the room

They clink glasses.

Gold - We'll need a sommelier  or two, right TB?

Bourdain - Right, JG.  Hey, how about that kid used to somm at Mozza?  Used to work "The First Supper" up here before he got canned. He knew his grapes.

Gold - Jeremiah Henderson.. Good idea.  

Bourdain -   So it’s Tony Gold’s

Gold - Tony Gold’s it is..

Glasses clink.

Bourdain – And next month when you do the 101 Best Restaurants in Heaven you can rate it #1 and do that disclaimer you do for Nancy and the Mozza Corner.

Glasses clink.

Bourdain – So, Gold, where exactly up here do you think we should locate our restaurant?

Gold – Come on, Bourdain.   They gotta have a Pico Boulevard up here.

- 30

"Heaven, I'm in heaven  

And my heart beats so that I can hardly speak;  

And I seem to find the happiness I seek

When we're out together and dancing cheek to cheek   - Cole Porter

BREAKING UPDATE - The Great One, Joel Robuchon,  will command the kitchen at Tony Gold's. 

on the fabled road to pellicano

Top Ten Reasons Michael Cimarusti Hasn't Won The James Beard Award

By Nancy Silverton and Michael Krikorian

For the eighth year in a row, Michael Cimarusti, one of the great chefs of, not only the West, but the entire United States, failed to come home with a James Beard Award. 

Investigative reporters from the Washington Post and the Los Angeles Times looked into why this is so. Here are the top ten reasons Michael Cimarusti has not won a James Beard Award

10. Never properly thanked Mrs. Paul for Providence's most popular dish, fish sticks..

9.  Beard voters automatically assume Michael C has already won.

8.  Close ties to feared organized crime figure Donato "Don" Poto 

7.  Actually believes that bullshit line "It's an honor just to be nominated."

6.  Always gets the most votes, but since voters misspell his last name, they aren't counted.

5  Most people think Providence is in Rhode Island, 

4. Backlash by presenters who fear they can't pronounced his name.

3. Doesn't really want to win, because then he can't be nominated

2. It was learned he hired a renowned watercolorist to paint spots on regular prawns

!. And the number 1 reason.....Michael Cimarusti already has a beard.

"The Hardest Thing I've Ever Done", Daniel Zaragoza, Aka The Fastest Dreamer, Runs The Boston Marathon

Daniel Zaragoza, the famed "Fastest Dreamer", had a game plan for yesterday's Boston Marathon and it was fairly simple; Run 26 miles and 385 yards in Boston one second faster than his stunning debut at the 2017 Los Angeles Marathon which he completed in two hours, 35 minutes and 24 seconds. . 

But, The Gods had plans of their own. Cold, slanting rains and persistent head winds - as well as long Bostonian hills - "slowed" Mozza2Go Go Go's Marathon Man down to 2:48.53, just over 13 minutes off his pace in L.A. when he was the 20th fastest runner overall.. 

"It was the hardest thing I've done in my entire life," Zaragoza said hours after the race. "My game plan was to go at a six minute pace, but that became 6:10. then it became just to finish. Yes, it was tough. Like, really tough."

At mile 23, the Fastest Dreamer came up with a  new goal.  "With three miles to go I just wanted to survive."

He survived and was, after an initial disappointment,  thrilled to have competed in America's premier marathon 

Yuki Kawauchi, 31 of Japan,   2:15.58 of Japan won the race with a time of 2:15.58

Desiree Lindon, 34 of Chula Vista, California, with a time of 2:39.54, became the first American to win women's event in 33 years

Tim Don, the world-record holder in the Ironman triathlon, who broke his neck six months ago, finished in 2:49:42.

Daniel Zaragoza's life was featured in this article published a week ago in the Times of London, the Beirut Daily News, the Stalingrad Sentinel and right here in Krikorian Writes. Here it is.

http://www.krikorianwrites.com/blog/2018/4/12/the-fastest-dreamer-daniel-zaragoza-mozza2go-go-gos-marathon-man-is-off-to-boston

"The Fastest Dreamer" Daniel Zaragoza, Mozza2Go Go Go's Marathon Man, Is Off To Boston

Last year, while eating at the counter at Mozza2Go, I struck up a conversation with a new employee named Daniel Zaragoza. He told me a little about himself and, when I asked more, he said he was a Dreamer, having come to California  from Mexico at age two or three and then, almost casually, like it was no big deal, added he had recently run his first marathon, the L.A. one, finishing as the 20th fastest racer in the event and fifth fastest American.

I nodded and said said something like "Good for you", all the while thinking to myself, "Yeah, sure you're right. And I play centerfield for the New York Yankees."

Later that night, at home, I, for the hell of it, looked up the results of the 2017 Los Angeles Marathon. Damn, that dreamer wasn't just dreaming. Listed at 20th overall and the fifth American. with a time of 2:35.24.  was Daniel Zaragoza,  aka Mozza2Go Go Go's Marathon Man. The Fastest Dreamer. 

For the stat folks out there, Daniel was only 52 seconds off the time of the woman's professional champion, Hellen Jerkurgat of, big surprise, Kenya and less than. 12 minutes off the fastest American professional marathoner,  John Pickhaver. 

Daniel Zaragoza, 24,  was born in Veracruz, Mexico on October 4, 1993, but he has no memory of there. 

"My earliest memories are of Lincoln Heights, Los Angeles," he said, adding he attended Griffin Avenue Elementary, Florence Nightingale Middle and Abraham Lincoln High School.   At Lincoln High, he ran cross country and track & field in his junior and senior years. Daniel won his league's champion for cross country and made it to the finals for the citywide event.  "As a kid, I didn't understand what it was to be undocumented," he said. 

It wasn't until he was a senior ii high school that he fully understood the ramifications.

"Everyone was talking about universities, but i didn't really have a option," Daniel said. That troubled  him. "I am the only dreamer in my family. All of my cousins and siblings are citizens and so are most of my friends. It's hard sometimes not to be able to talk to someone about it.".

 So he escaped. With a pair of worn out running shoes..

"When I ran, i felt equal. It didn't matter where you came from, how much money you have. It was about who wanted it the most and who would train the hardest."

After high school, Daniel went to East LA College. He received a $500 scholarship which covered his first semester. He couldn't work because he didn't have a social security card, but his parents saved up and paid for the another semester. 

Daniel credits the Deferred Action for Childhood Arrivals, (DACA) for allowing him to continue his education.

"Thanks to the Dream act, i was able to transfer to Cal State LA. where I ran for the team there with a partial athletic scholarship," said Daniel, who graduated in May, 2017.

Daniel runs and trains with BlacklistLA, the "Run Organization" founded in 2013 that you may have seen at a late night red light near you.  You know, those 200 or 300 crazy folks running through the streets at midnight? All them seemingly smiling and loving this city. They make you want to park your car and join them, even if your not in running shape.  

"BlacklistLA has been an terrifically positive influence for my running," Daniel said as he prepared to leave Mozza2Go and get on a plane Thursday night bound for Boston. "They have supported me and without them I wouldn't be going to Boston" 

Daniel credits BlacklistLA founder Erik Valiente for being a mentor to him. 

"Erik is someone I talk to about my goals and he does his best to guide me."

Now, the soft spoken dreamer - who I didn't believe at first - is all about motivating others.

"My goal is to make my own company.that inspires others to become whoever they want to be. I want to be able to go around the nation and talk to people and give them motivation, specially dreamers. Being a dreamer is very difficult. I used to hide away from it all the while others where out there fighting for my rights. Now that I'm older, i feel more secure about who I am and not afraid to stand up for dreamers, but in my own way."

And those worn out shoes? They been replaced by some $300 Nike Zoom Vaporfly 4%ers.

It's supposed to rain Monday on the Marathon in Boston, but that won't slow this dreamer down.   

Coobook's Nut Nutter With Straus Barista Milk Could Be Banned From World Cookie Cup Pairs Competition

Ever since the invention of cookies in the 7th Century by the Persians, their pairing with milk has been a delight treasured around the world by billions from childhood to the golden years, an almost mystical combination that brings comfort to body and soul, that soothes a troubled day like one's favorite blanket on a cold, rainy night  

But, now,  a cookie/milk combination - the exquisite food shoppe Cookbook's "Nut Nutter Butter" peanut butter cookie with Straus Family Creamery's Barista Milk - is adding another element to its resume;  controversy   The peanut butter cookie - based on a fabled Nancy Silverton recipe - and milk team is so delicious, so extraordinary, so close-your-eyes-and-savor good that a concerted effort is underway to ban the combo from competing in the upcoming World Cookie Cup competition in Damascus.

"The combo of the Not Nutter and the Barista milk is simply, well, this may sound foolish on my part, but it's too good," said Ruth Graves Wakefield  III, granddaughter of the American chef who invented the chocolate chip cookie in 1938 at the Toll House Inn  in Whitman, Massachusetts with Sue Brides.  "They would demolish the competition and that's not good for the event.  Part of the allure, no, most of the allure of the World Cookie Cup is that, though there are favorites, there is never been a shoe-in  There's not a Secretariat in the '73 Belmont   Not Nutter and Barista, (known in the inner circles as NNAB) would win. It's that simple.  The Cup needs drama, needs suspense. Not a juggernaut."   

Last week In a closed testing conducted by McLaren Racing in Woking, outside of London, the Nut Nutter/Barista team scored an unofficial 675, a score long thought to be unattainable  The highest score ever attained at a World Cookie Cup was back in 1961 when a chocolate chocolate chip cookie made by James Beard teamed with bottled Broguiere's milk to score a 612.  At the time it was thought to be an unbreakable mark, the cookie equivalent of DiMaggio's 56 game hitting streak. Not anymore..  

Wednesday afternoon, a spokesperson for Marta Teegan, the owner Cookbook, which as location on Echo Park Avenue and one on Figueroa in Highland Park, said she would file a formal :"letter of intent to compete" with the United Nations in a matter of hours. The UN Security Council is expected to debate and vote on the case Friday.. 

http://www.cookbookla.com/

Cookies came to America through the Dutch in New Amsterdam in the late 1620s. The Dutch word "koekje" was Anglicized to "cookie" or cooky.