Furious Trump Vows “We Will Get Nancy's Wallet Back", Sends Delta Force To Mexico City

Seizing an opportunity to regain momentum a day before the midterms, an irate President Donald Trump announced Monday morning he was sending three dozen Delta Force commandos to Mexico City to rescue the stolen wallet of revered Los Angeles chef Nancy Silverton.

“See? See? What have I been telling you people about these people?” Trump told a rambunctious group of supporters at a rally in Fort Wayne, Indiana. “These people have now gotten personal. Stealing the wallet of one of America’s most believed icons, Nancy Silverstein.”

Silverton, in town for the elaborate wedding of apron baron Ellen Bennett to Casey Something, was at a crowded bakery/cafe in the Roma Norte neighborhood with boyfriend/journalist Michael Krikorian and cookbook writer Carolina Carreno when she realized her wallet was missing from her purse. In the chaotic ensuing moments, Krikorian, after briefly accusing Carreno of the theft, scoured the neighborhood in search of suspicious characters. After detaining and questioning more than 500, such individuals, he gave up his quest. A emergency court order to obtain security camera footage of the area near the bakery was granted early this morning by the Mexican Supreme Court

The Delta troops, officially knowns as the United States Army’s 1st Special Forces Operational Detachment-D, have likely already landed in and around the Mexico City.

Many Democrats were skeptical, including congressman Adam Schiff (D-California), an outspoken Trump critic who accused the president of using one of “our heroes” as an excuse to send in Special Forces to Mexico.

“He could; give a hoot about Nancy’s wallet,” Schilff said Sunday night. “He’s using it as an excuse to send Delta to attack the caravan.”

Trump has ordered up to 15,000 regular army troops to the US-Mexican border as a caravan of a few thousand impoverished migrants - many from crime-ridden Honduras - slowly marches toward the boundary. They are currently marching toward Isla, in Mexico's state of Veracruz, with some reportedly headed toward Mexico City.

However, sources say, several thousand of the regular army troops are now being diverted to Mexico City, not to deal with the caravan, but to purse all leads on the Silverton pursenapping.

As for Silverton, she was forced to rely on financial support from Krikorian, not generally known as “high value source” of money.

She expressed frustration at the theft, which included not only her wallet -with all her cash, credit cards and driver’s license - but a Mont Blanc ink pen in its leather case and her beloved Church’s yellow leather shoe horn. On top of it all, the wallet contained a cherished memento; Nancy’s mother Doris’ unactivated Neiman Marcus credit card from the 1970s.

“I don’t care that much about the wallet, even though it’s a major headache.” Silverton said as she spoke to local media upon leaving Mexico City’s justly-famous National Museum of Anthropology. “But, they stole my best shoe horn. And my mom’s credit card. Those fuckers. And to have this happen in a bakery? A place sacred to me? That blows.”

In an unguarded moment, Silverton, a devoted liberal democrat, switched alliances and endorsed Trump and his proposed wall. “build that fuckin’ Wall. Not to keep Mexicans from coming to American, but to keep Americans from coming to Mexico.


But, an hour later, an incident occurred as heartwarming as the walletnapping was blood-boiling.

With both of their cell phones dead, Silverton and Krikorian, walking to a restaurant two miles from the museum, began asking strangers for directions. Well, Krikorian did. Most pedestrians either couldn’t understand Krikorian or thought he was begging. But, then he asked at a coffee shop.

The workers didn’t know what he was talking about, but a 40-something Mexican couple at a booth overheard his request.

“Where do you want to go?", the lady asked.

“Durango Calle, 200”

She turned to her husband and asked him if he knew where that was. He did.

The man, Alejandro Medina, begin telling the Americans where to head, but then he said “Come on, follow us. We will take you there.”

Nancy and Michael looked at each other like they had discovered the winning Mega Millions ticket.

Alejandro - Spanish for Alexander - and his wife walked them all the way to their destination. Any bad thoughts about Mexico City vanished like the banana puree at Maximo Bistro, the charred avocado tartare at Quintonil, the al pastor at Tacos El Huequito, and the mole at Pujol, four of Nancy’s favorite restaurants in this lovely city.

IMG_3813 (1).jpeg