Apron Baroness Ellen Bennett Enters Rehab For Drinking Problem 24 Hours After Extravagant Wedding

It was a fairytale wedding. A handsome, adoring groom and a gorgeous bride in haute couture that garnered “ooh’ and “ahs” form the international guests that included chefs from a dozen Michelin-starred restaurants. A seven piece mariachi band and a five piece classical ensemble echoed off the walls of a 16th century building.

But, in real life, fairy tales don’t last forever. Less than 24 hours after Casey Whatchamacallit and Ellen Bennett tied the knot, the apron baroness was stumbling down a Mexico City sidewalk, spewing expletives, splashing her to-go margarita on unsuspecting al pastor taco vendors and pleading with her stunned husband for “just one more.”

The next morning, Bennett, whose Hedley and Bennett company is the largest gourmet apron manufacturer in the world, checked into “New Beginnings”, a celebrity rehabilitation complex in Malibu. made famous by the cable show “Californication.”

“She is not, I repeat, not an alcoholic. Ellen’s just a drunk.”, said Betty Ford, the director of several rehabs that bear her name. “Ellen should be functioning within a week or two.”

A Bennett insider, chef Jonathan Waxman, said Bennett rarely drinks and for her to go to rehab was “a bit dramatic”, but he understood the underlying reason why. “Ellen has a gigantic contractor with Saudi Arabia and those fuckin’ Saudis don’t like drunks. Or journalists. Is that redundant?”

Nancy Silverton, a Hedley and Bennett customer, said “Now that i think about it, I wonder if Hedley is a drunk, too. I’ve never ever seen her. Or him.”