Silverton-Reichl Feud Results In Grilled Cheese Sandwich Competition And Benefit

The tentative truce between Nancy Silverton and Ruth Reichl over who makes the best grilled cheese sandwich unraveled this weekend and has morphed into the first annual Grilled Cheese Shoot-Out,(GCSO)  a benefit open to the public this coming week..

The GCSO will be held Monday and Tuesday from noon to 3 p.m. on the Melrose Avenue sidewalk in front of Mozza’s Chi Spacca. All proceeds of the competition will go for the funeral expenses of Pattie Porter, the mother of Hayley Porter, an Osteria Mozza line cook. The sandwiches  - with either a glass or lemonade or a cookie - are expected to be $12.

Silverton fled to Mexico early Saturday morning, but will participate in Tuesday’s  event. Reichl will not be on hand for either GCSO.  The storied duo’s most iconic versions of the grilled cheese sandwich will be prepared by Osteria Mozza executive chef Elizabeth “Go Go” Hongian and garde manger of the Mozzarella Bar, Anna “North Tower” Nguyen.

Go Go and North Tower said Ruth’s version - called in the contest "The Ruthie" - will be made by smearing the outside of the bread with mayonnaise – and a little grated cheese – rather than the traditional butter. In addition, the filling will be cheddar and bacon and - with a decidedly non Ruth touch - pickled jalapenos..

"The Nancy" will be the classic; bread, Gruyere, mustard and butter. However, by Sunday morning, rumors were running rampart that Nancy’s sandwich - with a supplemental - would deploy Rodolphe Le Meunier Beurre de Barrate, the butter often considered the best available in America.

“Yes, we took advantage of the spat between two beloved giants to help out a fellow cook in her darkest hour,” said North Tower Nguyen during a break on a typically busy Saturday night at the Mozza Corner. “Cooks, like Hayley, they don’t work for money. They work for the love of cooking. So, hopefully, the GCSO will raise enough money for her not to have to work for money and be able to take some time off and be with her family to grieve.”

Hongian, a Jewish Korean Armenian, used a more direct approach to raise funds.

"How much money do you have in your wallet?" she asked a man who walked into the Osteria kitchen.

"I have a fifty dollar bill.."

"Give it to me."

He did.

Pattie Porter, 53,  a special education teacher, passed away at her home Saturday.after a cancer attack. A Go Fund Me account has been set up for her by Osteria Mozza chef Nicolas "Never Tardy" Rodriguez. Here's the hyperlink -   https://www.gofundme.com/mozza-helps-hayley

It was just Friday evening that Reichl was the keynote speaker for an event at the Harold Lloyd estate in Beverly Hills honoring Silverton for her work with the No Kid Hungry campaign. (More than $300,000 was raised to help feed children across the nation.).  Reichl spoke with great admiration of Silverton, ending her speech with question she asks herself when confronted with charity requests; “What would Nancy do?”

Reichl was even staying at Silverton’s Windsor Square home, but apparently between the Friday night event and Reichl’s abrupt 5 a.m. Saturday morning departure, something went terrible awry.

Sources, speaking on the condition of anonymity, said Silverton’s longtime boyfriend, crime reporter – and well-known instigator - Michael Krikorian, may have exasperated the tenuous peace between the two American food legends by, well, by instigating something.

Reached by telephone, Reichl said the competition was "rigged".

"I think this is a rigged contest!," she said. "I'm not there to defend my sandwich!"

The Goddesses in Paris in better times on a street named after legendary NYPD cop Denny Malone (Photo by Robin Green, AFP)

The Goddesses in Paris in better times on a street named after legendary NYPD cop Denny Malone (Photo by Robin Green, AFP)

Beauty Product Storm "Vanessa" Expect To Reach Category 5 Level By Wednesday Night

When the beauty product tropical storm “Vanessa” first appeared on Doppler Storm Search radar three weeks ago, experts predicted the typical fallout; overcrowded shelves, a slight wait for hot water, some minor, but not aggressive discussion about who gets to use the bathroom when.

But, yesterday the National Guest Watch upgraded Vanessa to a Category Five beauty product storm that could overload the guest bathroom at Nancy Silverton’s Windsor Square home, causing, not only severe to drastic overcrowding, but also fallen products, bitter arguments among the guests about who can shower first, and even a complete breakdown of the home’s hot water system.

“The last Cat 5 beauty product storm I know about was the 1956 wedding of Grace Kelly to Princess Rainer in Monte Carlo,” said Paul Mitchell, who company’s stock has soared over 100% this week. “That was a disaster. Audrey Hepburn couldn’t find her Ten Voss and Acqua Di Parma shampoos and Oribe conditioner and, in desperation, grabbed some Head ‘n Shoulders. Audrey reverted to Eliza Doolittle ( pre-Professor Higgins ) and talked shit all night to Sophia Loren, the suspected culprit.”

Silverton’s Van Ness household is already experiencing “moderate to serious” shelf hoarding in the guest bathroom by early arrival, the South African Yolande van Heerden. 

But, the full brunt of Vanessa is forecast to hit Windsor Square as early as Wednesday evening when it is expected to reach a Category 5 with the arrival of Ruth Reichl, Lissa Doumani and Hiro Sone, all in town for the weekend wedding of Silverton’s only known daughter, Vanessa,  to an unusually tall soccer player.

Doumani and Sone have already indicated they plan to place their adhesive-backed tooth brushes on the vanity mirror of the guest bathroom, a tactic that has annoyed others in the past.

“I don’t want to look at the mirror and see their goddamn tooth brushes hanging from it,” said Reichl in a phone interview as she crossed the border at Tijuana early Wednesday after a brief stay in the Baja wine country.

In Los Angeles, Mayor Eric Garcetti offered his full support.  “Whatever we as a city can do for Nancy Silverton’s house, we will do,” the mayor said from the steps of City Hall. “This will be a tense weekend. That much we know for sure."  

However, across the country in Washington D. C. there was a completely different attitude.

Caught on a “hot Mic’ after leaving a senate intelligence briefing, Senate majority leader Mitch McConnell (R-KY)) expressed shock and disgust about the concern for a Cat 5 beauty product storm

“This is fuckin’ absurd, “ McConnell told  a colleague. “You got a Lebanese, a  South African, a Japanese, and a Greenwich Village hippy coming to stay at a home where an Armenian lives. That spells ‘dirty bomb’ to me. The last thing I’m concerned is space for beauty products. We need to at the very least limit everyone to three and a half ounces of liquid.”

An aide of McConnell, speaking on the condition of anonymity. said that he expects a Delta squad to be in place no later than 0500 hours Thursday morning at the Go Get Em Tiger on Larchmont.

“We want Special Forces nearby,” the aide said. “It’s gonna get ugly.”

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WOP Shock; Francis Sebastian Wins the "Worker of the Party" Award at Alex's Lemonade Bash

Francis Sebastian, the Pizzeria Mozza assistant manager best known for knowing the future, shocked the workers of the world when he was selected Worker of the Party (WOP) for the exclusive Alex’s Lemonade Pre-Auction Bash at Nancy Silverton’s home in Los Angeles, California.

Sebastian, the first Filipino to win the award, was said to be speechless when he learned he had won. Sources, however, said that was not because he was overcome with emotion, but rather had consumed 27 cans of Santa Monica Brewery IPA during the party and was basically comatose.

But, those at the party, said the beers were deserved.  Francis worked tirelessly early in the set-up of the event, single-handedly carrying heavy tables, being the good soldier and doing whatever anyone told him to do, even Kate Green.

It was the actions of Green, in fact, that, though perhaps inadvertently, helped secure Sebastian’s win.  When an Armenian man, given the important task of checking the sound system, could not get the stereo system to even go on, Green order him to “Try harder!”.  He did, pulling out a tangle of wires, tracing the stereo to the power source.  No power.

“Try harder, goddamnit,” Green demanded. “We need music. It’s a fuckin’ party, not a funeral.”

The Armenian claimed the system was old and probably had simply burned itself out. “Kate, the power just won’t come on.”

Francis walked by.

“Francis, see if you can get the music going,” Kate said. “Clearly Middle Easterners know nothing about electronics.  Let’s bring in the Asian.”

Francis walked over, pushed a button and the stereo came on. “You were probably pushing the “standby” button.”

Kate stared at the Armenian man, but didn’t say a word. He walked away. Suddenly, there was music. The party was on.  

"Francis was great at the party," said Nancy Silverton. "Too bad he couldn't be that way at the Pizzeria."

News that a native son had won the WOP rocked the Philippines in both good and bad ways. In Manila’s historic center known as Intramuros, celebrations over news of Sebastian’s win quickly turned violent with cars sent ablaze, shop windows smashed and several lumpia carts vandalized.

Back in Los Angeles, there was mixed feelings.

“Are we talking about the same Francis Sebastian?” asked a stunned Chile Rico, who was Sebastian’s boss for over one year. “When he worked for me, and I use the term lightly, he was primarily talking about himself in unrealistically glowing terms.”

Others weren’t surprised.

“I don’t understand why everyone is stunned that Francis won the WOP at Nancy’s,” said noted anthropologist Kenneth “Duke” Feldmeier. “He told me he would win three years ago.”

(For his victory, Francis wins a burrito from Burrito La Palma.)

francis

Italia 2107 GOYA Shocker; 12-Year-Old Girl Beats out Ruth Reichl For Guest Of Year Award, Protests Filed

When it was officially announced  that Ruth Reichl would be coming to Panicale for “Italia 2017”  oddsmakers from Las Vegas to Monte Carlo took a collective shot of whiskey knowing their bonanza for the year was ruined.  The oddsmakers knew that betting against Reichl to win the coveted GOYA, (Guest of the Year) award would be akin to placing a wager against Secretariat in the ’73 Belmont. It just would not happen. 

“Ruth could stumble in, cigarette smoke trailing, ashes dropping on the 14th-Century carpet, gulp off a can of Moretti, belch, crush the can and toss it on his bed and Krikorian would still vote her the GOYA,” said Pierre Su-Sway, pit boss at the Grand Casino de Monte Carlo who was referring to Michael Krikorian, who, along with co-trip organizer Nancy Silverton, is an influential GOYA voter.. .

But, a funny thing happened on the way to the voting forum. A low turnout. While Ruth was her radiant self, her supporters were so confident she would run away with the GOYA that they didn’t bother to go to the polls.

The stunning result was Francesca Anne Krikorian, a 12-year-old Los Angeles girl with no Italy experience at all, swooped in like Seabiscuit in the War Admiral match race and captured the 2017 GOYA.

Francesca, showing up late in the trip with her father, Greg, and 16-year-old brother, Max, came on strong quickly with a striking series of bizarre quotes that caught Panicale regulars  off guard and enamored her to them.

For examples. When asked about Bob Dylan, Francesca asked “Is that the guy who jumps?”

Lead with a “Van who?” by her father - to answer who was singing “Brown-Eyed Girl” - she replied “Van Dyke”.

Her description of the taste of butter?  “Buttery”

Going on and on about one of her favorite people on Earth, an internet sensation , she said “I can’t think of her name right now.”

But, what garnered Francesca enough votes to eek out a GOYA victory over Reichl was her infectious joy, her smile, her laughter - even after repeated waterboardings by her brother Max - her curiosity and above all, her imagination. When Krikorian pretended to get a call requesting his "Delta Force" services to guard the cast of  Pretty Little Liars, (Francesca’s favorite show) she went along for the ride with a zeal that was invigorating.

So here’s to Francesca Anne Krikorian, the Italia 2017’s  Guest of the Year, For this, she is entitled to one free pizza, either at Mozza in Hancock Park. or Il Pellicano in Umbria.. 

As for Ruth Reichl, she said :"There’s always next year." 

Coming in third place was chef Elizabeth Falkner who scored strongly in the beginning of the Silverton/Krikorian Odyssey, getting high marks for revealing the first chapter of her book (a "hard R"), cooking superbly  and being an all around pleasant person. But, Falkner stumbled badly and lost several points when she texted Nancy several times during a Silverton/Krikorian lunch at the 3 Michelin-starred Piazza Duomo in Alba. 

"Why is she texting you so much? Tell her .we having lunch at Piazza Duomo," Krikorian told Silverton.

"She can't figure out how to turn on the oven."

Francesca Krikorian stayed away from the oven. 

It should be noted that nearly perennial second place finisher Susan Swan did not compete this season.

In the category of most pasta consumed, Georgie Harris dominated. Several attempts to get Georgie to comment were unsuccessful as her mouth was full of cacio y pepe.

NOTE - At press time, it was revealed that Francesca is Michael Krikorian's niece. Supporters of Reichl, led by a six-year old known as Linksy, filed a formal protest. 

Past GOYA Winners " 

2016 - Dario Cecchini

2015 - Leon Gold  

2014 - (TIE) Hourie Sahakian and Tiffany Fox

2013 - Liz "Go Go" Hong

2012 - Cast of "The Wire"

2011 - .The Berrettos (aka Oliver and his buddies) 

2010 - (TIE) Duke Feldmeier and Patsi Asanti

francesca pours.jpg

To score GOYA points, it is always a good tactic to pour Nancy good red wine while she is in the roustabout in the pool. . 

My GPS - A Map and Giulio Falcone

Three weeks ago I was driving in Italy with Nancy Silverton and Ruth Reichl. The next day we were having lunch in Modena at Osteria Francescana, one of the world’s greatest restaurants.

We had left Umbria a day early so we wouldn’t have to worry about an l..A.-style autostrada calamity and were headed to a tiny hamlet outside of Bologna to meet friends for lunch. On her website, Ruth would later wonder how we could have found it without GPS.

Now, Ruth Reichl is one of my favorite people in all the Milky Way. A quarter of  the time on The Corner if someone says they say my girlfriend today, I don't know if they mean Nancy or Ruth.  But, that line not being able to find the restaurant without GPS annoyed me.  I coulda found that place with my own GPS; a map and - if needed - the ancient practice of pulling over and asking a human being “Excuse me. Do you know where this place is?”  You might have to ask five or six people, but eventually you’ll get there. It’s a wonderful part of the adventure of travel.

So, this drive.  We get off the autostrada south of Bologna at an exit called Sasso Marconi and Ruth turns on her phone GPS Lady. As every turn approaches, Lady says “In 300 meters, turn right.” Followed by an “In 200 meters, turn right.” Then a “In 100 meters, turn right.”  Hey, Lady, I get it!

At one roundabout, we go around three times, Lady has to “redirect”. I felt like Chevy Chase going around the Arc d Triomphe for hours in European Vacation. .    

We make it to this trattoria – It's was so- so – then - with Lady - go to our hotel in the town of Zola Predosa, which we enjoy saying and which becomes our three person secret code for “Extraordinary”.  

The next day, I drive to Modena – sans Lady. You can’t park in Central Modena, so I find a spot about two miles away and we walk in and are - thankfully - seated in the cool, small wine cellar. . Osteria Francescana. is very Zola Predosa. Like most people there, Ruth is taking many cell phone photos.   

We leave and start our walk back through central Modena which is now 104 degrees. It’s wordless walk. More like a forced march.  Ruth even goes to a market for a water. We finally get to the car and I drive off. A few blocks later, Ruth says “My phone. I don’t have my phone. I must have left it at the restaurant.”  

I offer to go run back to the restaurant. Nancy says she will call first. They look thoroughly. Nancy calls the phone for them to hear the ringer. It is not there. Maybe you left at the market? She is nearly certain she didn’t.

Now, twisted me, I kinda relish situations like this, Nancy is sick of me saying “I’ll gather my Delta Force squad and accomplish the mission.” Yeah, I can be like a kid. It’s fun.  

I go into Special Force mode and dash to the market where Ruth purchased the water. I tell the man “My wife may have left her phone here 20 minute ago.” He’s suspicious.  “What did she buy?” “Water.” What kind? Knowing Ruth’s distaste for bubbly beverages – except very high-end Champagne – I say “Naturale.” He smiles and hands me her phone.

I thank him profusely and, of course. ask “Where you from?’ Adullah is from Bangladesh. Dhaka?, I ask, naming the capital city.   He nods proudly.

I run to the car and say “Mission Accomplished.” For a moment, I’m a hero.  

Ten minutes later, I tell Ruth I want something for finding the phone. Anything, she says. “I don’t ever want to hear that GPS Lady again.”  It’s a deal, she laughs.

A week later, Nancy and I are south of Rome. Fueled by bad intel provided by Nancy, I make a hotel reservation in a neighborhood she thought she liked. Wrong. It is in such a faraway neighborhood that, as in Ruth’s sentiments “how would we find it without GPS.”  

Behind schedule, I reluctantly tell Nancy to “Go ahead, Turn on GPS Lady.”

AT that moment, I have been defeated. I given up, at last. The end of a brilliant career. I have willingly succumbed to modern technology.

Lady starts telling me what to do. Through a warren of streets and alleys, Lady says turn left, turn right, turn left, turn right, turn right so many times in such quick succession I feel like I’m being directed around the Nürburgring's Nordschleife race circuit in Germany.   Even Lady seems to grow weary of the number of turns. 

But, to my chagrin, Lady get us there.

Then, four days ago, through a small Umbrian town, we are driving Lady-less as I attempt a comeback. This drive is going to be a challenge, yet I feel that old exciting sense of adventure. We stop at a food market to get some ham and cheese. I take in my Michelin map. As Nancy gets the food, I ask the cashier the best way to get to Tavernelle, a little city not far from we stay.

The cashier starts to point out a route of tiny lines on the map. A male customer offers his route suggestion. With their guidance, I know I will make it. My GPS. We pay and so does this guy. In the parking lot, I get that heartwarming, the-world’s-all-right bonus that asking a stranger something can provide. The guy communicates he will lead us toward Tavernelle.  

He drives about 15 kilometers and pulls over. Me, too. He points to a blue sign, with an arrow, that reads “Tavernelle.”  I take his photo and “grazie” him a million times. He asks my Facebook name, And Nancy and I go on our way. 

Once home, I see I have a friend request from one Giulio Falcone.  

My redemption.

More importantly, my point is that they are countless Giulio Falcones around the world and in America, in particular. They don't make the news - like that cowardly, brown-smeared shorts driver in Charlottesville -and I guess that's a good thing. We wouldn't want it to come to the point where there was a story that said "man helps a man." because that goes on all the time, you just don't hear about it.   

But, I’d bet my bottom dollar if an African American couple – without a cell phone - got lost in, say, Wheeling, West Virginia, or an Armenian American couple got lost in St. Louis, Missouri or a Bangladeshi American couple got lost in Birmingham, Alabama, or a Heinz 57 white couple got lost in Watts and they stopped at the local market and pointed to a map, they’d get pointed in the right direction.

They might even find their own Giulio Falcone and he’ll lead them to their own Tavernelle.

GiulioFalcone

They Say "Don't Ever Meet Your Heroes" ( Unless She's Nancy); 13 Young Cooks On Working With Silverton

"The youngest, aged twelve, could not conceal her disappointment, and turned away. feeling as so many of us have felt when we discover that our idols are very ordinary men and women," - Lousia May Alcott, from "Jo's Boys", 1885

They say don’t ever meet your heroes. You just might be crushed. My sister Jeanine, who has been in love with James Bond ever since we saw “Dr. No” at the Vermont Drive-In 55 years ago, always said she never wanted to meet Sean Connery for fear of a let down.

This past week,  presiding the (belated) celebration for the 10th Anniversary of Mozza, that notion was knocked down when I spoke to 13 cooks at the Mozza Corner about what it was like to meet - work with - Nancy Silverton.

I had three questions. What were you doing 10 years ago? When did you first hear of Nancy? What’s it like to work with her?

The first was Anna Nguyen, Osteria’s so called Garde Manger ( French for ‘Keeper of the food”) who is also known as Anna Abdul Jabbar because she is 7-feet-2 inches tall and sky hooks smoked mozzarella balls.   

“Nearly. 10 years ago, I was working through a bunch of recipes from Pastries from La Brea Bakery. I worked at this bakery in Colorado where I had a lot of creative freedom, so I loved to try Nancy’s recipes.

"I would be in the kitchen exclaiming things like, "Only Nancy would think of this!" Like combining lemon zest with cranberries. Nancy always takes it beyond the obvious, to absolutely delicious. I was bound and determined to find her address, so I could write her a letter, asking how in the world she came up with a Fennel Ricotta Muffin, one of the best things I'd ever eaten.”

A few years later Anna’s husband was asked to write a little blurb describing her.  He wrote "She loves drinking beer on a patio, and is obsessed with perfectly laminated croissants, and Nancy Silverton."

Years later, Anna applied for work in pastry, but Liz “Go Go” Hong, the executive chef, hired her for the MozzarellaBar   

“I was so excited that I would get to be right by Nancy. I figured even if I got fired after a week, at least it would be a week working with Nancy.”

Anna then reveals the theme of this story.

“They always say don't meet your heroes. That the disappointment could hurt so bad. That it's just better to hold them on a pedestal. I'm so glad I met mine.

“Nancy has taught me about flavor, balance, layers, and how to make gorgeous dishes. She’s taught us that good is never good enough. It has to be great. She has showed us the value in working on a dish for weeks, trying 16 variations, going back and forth with different flavors until it's perfect. She's taught us how to be demanding, and insistent, while being kind, and genuinely caring for the people who work for you.”

##

Yes, that’s a hard – and classy -  opening act to top. So, we move on to the jazzy, dirty opposite. It’s time to for chi Spacca’s Cameron ‘Miles” Tollehaug.

“Ten years ago I was picking up dog shit for a living. And cat crap. And bird shit. I really was.” say Cameron, the tall – and wackiest - Spacca line cook. He was working for veterinarian in Berkeley.  

Later, Cameron was doing an internship at Oliveto in Oakland when he heard word of Nancy Silverton and Mozza. “Nancy taught me how to look at salads. She taught me even if a dish is good, we can make it better by looking at all aspects of it. Like maybe we could use a different cutting technique. Or how one particular herb might make a good dish great.”

##

Ten years ago, Marisa “2 Kitchens” Takenake was a junior at UC Riverside and living with four other students. Somehow, she became “the girl that cooked and baked for everybody.”

So she bought cookbooks. One of the first was by Julia Child. “Funny enough,” she says, “Nancy’s face was on the inside cover.”

Roughly six years later, she was working at the Water Grill downtown and began looking to work with a big time L.A. female chef. There were three she considered; Suzanne Tracht, Suzanne Goin and Nancy Silverton.

“I got a stage at Osteria Mozza and my first night in I worked right next to Nancy and Celeste. The rest, they all seem to say, is history.”

“To work with Nancy means that I have something to strive for. A constant reminder that a female chef with personality and femininity can still be a tough bitch in the kitchen and a successful one. She is the personification that hard work pays off and that there is a way to blend both passions of savory and pastry into one career.”

##

Some start cooking at the Water Grill, some a little lower on the restaurant hierarchy. Ten years ago, Adonayy Fernandez, chef at Pizzeria, was a shift manager at Wienerschnitzel.

Three years ago, he landed a job at what would become his “second home”, Pizzeria Mozza.
“Everyone was so welcoming, but I was anxious to meet the chef who had brought this all together,” Adonayy says. “I was really nervous the first time I saw her.”

That would soon change.

“The first time I actually met her she gave me a warm smile, and she gave me an explanation about how our salads represented Mozza and that I had to do my best to make sure we kept the standard that our guests expected.”

Nancy encouraged him.  After a year and half, he was promoted to sous chef for Pizzeria Mozza.

“I was so happy because I going to get to work so close to Nancy,” he says. “Only a few people have the privilege to treat Chef Nancy on a close basis. Her story has been an inspiration to me, to never lose confidence on yourself and always achieve your goals. I want to thank Chef Nancy for the opportunity of being part of this family.”

##
Ten years ago, Francis Chua, 28, was in a culinary school in Manila. The Philippines.  Five years ago, he started working at Pizzeria Mozza in Singapore.

“I went to work at Mozza because I thought it was a Mario Batali and Joe Bastianich place," Francis says. "Now I know it’s a Nancy Silverton place.”

Francis was enamored with the simplicity of Mozza’s food.  “Nancy Focus is in the simplicity and the food products,” he says. “And as a baker, too. I admire her dough at the pizzeria.”

He doesn’t go on to use superlatives, as the only accurate way to describe the dough at the pizzeria is to call it “the dough at the pizzeria.”

##

Telling his own story in the kitchen of Mozza2Go is Luis Cendejas who – it should be noted - is 21 years old.

“Ten years ago, when I was 10,” Luis begins.   (Right then, I say to myself “This guy was never much at math’). “I was in grammar school in Highland Park.”

For some reason, I guess because he – like many people – calls me “Chapo”, he brags, “I have never been in jail.” (I think of the Chris Rock routine where he says “Fool, you ain’t supposed to be in jail, so don’t go bragging about it.”)

But, Luis tells of a high school science teacher who learned of his interest in cooking and extolled the wonders of Nancy Silverton. “I started as a polisher and now I’m a line cook,” he says with understandable pride. 

Like all, he raves about Nancy. But, his raves are not about the tweaking of a recipe or the wonders of the pizza dough. It’s something down to earth, somethingjust plain right.

“Every day, when she sees us, she doesn’t just walk right by, She says “Hi” to everyone and asks how we are doing. That don’t sound like a whole lot, but believe me, to someone like me, it really does mean a whole lot .”

 ##

Benjamin Giron, 28,  first heard about Nancy and Mozza right about the time Mozza was opening. He was working at BLT and chef Laurent Tourondel was raving  about Nancy.

“The thing I love about Mozza,” Ben says, “is I am always learning because Nancy is always learning.”

##

Ten years ago, Herbert “Herby” Yuen, sous at Pizzeria, was a junior in high school. 

“Coming from the east coast, I had actually never heard of Nancy Silverton until I staged at the Mozza Bar,” he says. “Nancy has taught me so much regarding the balance of food, flavor profiles, and plating techniques. Not only is Nancy an influence in the development of my palate, but she also assists me in becoming a better leader.”

##

Ten years ago, Kirby Shaw was 13, in 8th grade and full of dreams to hit the Gibson homerun that would lead the Dodgers to a World Series Championship.  He is not on the Dodger lineup, but rather finding glory on the line at Osteria Mozza.

“I first heard about Nancy from my Aunt Kelly who was kinda obsessed with her,” says Kirby, who had his high school graduation lunch at Mozza. .

“Nancy is the first chef, along with really the whole Mozza family, that has made me feel I can truly be myself and enjoy my job.

(Editor’s note – It should be noted that at any other restaurant, If Kirby was really “himself”, he would like be committed to a mental facility.)

“I have never worked for any person/ company longer than I have now for Mozza and I credit it to the atmosphere Nancy has created.” 

As for Aunty Kelly?  You bet your bottom raviolo she brags about her nephew. And his boss.

##

“When Mozza was just opening, I was a junior in high school in Houston, Texas with Christine Larraucou!,” says Kirsten Mayall, line cook at Osteria Mozza. “I had a passion and aptitude for cooking, but no intention of pursuing it professionally.”

After college, Kirsten found her "professional" jobs to be uninspiring, and so she “followed a rabbit hole that led me back to cooking.”

At her first restaurant kitchen, in New York, she heard about Nancy Silverton.

“One of my coworkers in that kitchen was a former line cook at Osteria Mozza, and he waxed poetic about Nancy - the only chef he knew that still worked the line in her restaurant after so many years, and who did so wearing Marni.”

Listening to that friend's advice to work at Mozza upon moving to LA was one of the best decisions I have ever made.

“Working under (and side-by-side with) Nancy Silverton has made me a stronger, more creative cook. I have learned that perfection in this craft is never too lofty a goal; that working on an idea for weeks on end is a worthwhile exercise in persistence, not a sign of ineptitude; and that creative work is like a puzzle, requiring ingenuity and playful curiosity to find the solution.”

"Above all, Nancy has been a role model in leadership for me. She demonstrates every day how to lead: by showing kindness and genuine interest to every individual on her team. I remind myself daily to follow in her (very cool, probably Marni) footsteps.

“I could go on for hours about how important Nancy has been in my life.

##

Ten years ago, Arthur Grigoryan was 11 years old. (When she hears that, Anna says “The should be the lede of your story.”

Arthur realized in high school he wanted to be a cook. “Being from LA, I was really interested to know who the legends were in the game from this city and the first names that I came across on the internet were Wolfgang Puck and Nancy Silverton.”

After spending some time studying and working in France, he came home and landed his first paying gig at Osteria.

“Working for Nancy over the past year at both Pizzeria and Osteria has been an incredible experience,” says Arthur. “ One thing I admire about Nancy is her high attention to detail about the food being perfect. If one thing does not seem right, she will always stop and teach us so that we don't make the same mistakes again.

“Working at Mozza has been great not only because I get to stand two feet from a living legend every day, but also because I get to work with a group of humble, talented, individuals who I know will reach great heights someday.”

##

Ten years ago, Jess Ziman was at Crossroads High School, one of the toughest in Los Angeles.

When she was 17 she had a meal that. Thought she didn’t know it for years later, would change her life.

“I went to Osteria Mozza and sat at the Mozzarella Bar,” Jess, says. “Nancy was in full view. I never said a word to her, but just stared. It was a bit awkward. I didn’t even know I wanted to be a cook.

Then though a series of what she calls “a combination of serendipity and unfortunate events” she found herself looking for a job as a cook. 

But she imposed one strict rule. She would only work at the Mozza Corner.  She got the gig.

"The environment at Mozza is so different than any other place I have worked and it all come from the top. There is this wonderful sense of community that Nancy has created”.

“She, somehow without being critical, she honesty tell you about a dish that is not just right. But, she wants you to keep coming back to that dish to make it just right. She’s willing to get on your level, but in a cool way.”

.##

Few have worked with Nancy longer than Raul Ramirez, 38, the morning prep sous chef. He been with her 17 years ( even longer than me.) Raul worked with Nancy at Campanile starting around 2000.

There’s been a lot of raves about Nancy Silverton in this story, but the ending belongs to Raul.

“All the time she comes in asking me how I’m doing. I don’t have any complaints about Nancy. She’s a nice person.”

hero

Liverbest; Nancy Silverton and Chi Spacca's Ryan DeNicola Take A Humble Food To New Heights

For decades, maybe even for a century,. liverwurst has been the laughing stock of the gourmet world, a mashed-up concoction that even it's punch line cousin - Chopped liver -  seemed to distance itself from. 

But, this week that all changed when one of the humblest of foods found itself on the menu of Nancy Silverton's chi Spacca accompanied by, get this,  yet another hackneyed food item that will soon be heading for bright lights; the potato pancake.

This reporter - recently embedded with an elite Mozza unit on the heralded Corner of Highland and Melrose - got a rare inside glimpse at the making of a dish. This is the often harrowing tale of how the potato pancake and a disc of liverwurst ended up together on the menu of one of America's greatest restaurants.

It's three hours before service at chi Spacca, the smallest and most muscular of the Mozza restaurants on the Corner.  Chef Ryan DeNicola is looking down at three golden brown potato pancakes with line cook Tyler Vidal.   They taste all three and deem them fine.

But, now, Ryan explains to Tyler the single most important lesson to be learned on the Corner; Nancy Silverton will not be satisfied with this effort. She will send them back to the ateiier. Nancy is never satisfied with a first effort. Or a sixth. There is improvement to be found with more work.. Even when it is outstanding, it has to get better.

And sure enough, Ryan and Tyler take the three, five-inch diameter pancakes over to Osteria Mozza where Silverton is getting ready for a night behind the Mozzarella Bar. She tastes them. They're all good. But, with Nancy,. good don't cut it. 

Now, back to the liverwurst.  

When asked if she helped Ryan with the liverwurst, Nancy Silverton replied, "Oh, pleeease. What do you think?"

The spark for transforming liverwurst into liverbest occurred in Philly at MIchael Solomanov's Rooster Soup Co.. Nancy and James Beard award-winning pastry chef Dahlia Narvaez ordered the fried Lebanon baloney sandwich. Nancy asked how they managed to get baloney from Lebanon.  "Lebanon. Pennsylvania" she was told. Makes sense, There's no baloney in real Lebanon.

It was like a fried baloney sandwich, but thicker. and it gives  Nancy the spark that liverwurst might be worth revisiting. Shape it into a thick medallion and fry it. Worth a shot. After all, this is the woman who took the humble grilled cheese sandwich halfway to heaven.

Back on the corner, Ryan got on it with enthusiasm.  He got his version of liverwurst to a point where anyone familiar with that stuff in a tube would not recognize it.  It's pork liver, pork fat, pork meat. salt, onion. black pepper, cardamon, ginger,, oregano and mace.  (It should be noted that this "mace" is one the so-called "winter spices", not  the mace used by the LAPD.). 

Then this hockey puck is fried. 

Two days later after the first - failed - potato pancake tryout, , Nancy is beaming. She has figured it out with the help of consultant Jess "Don't Call Me Jesse" - Eleven, the only employee on the Corner to admit to have made a potato pancake.  In addition to using a classic chrome box grater ( think cheese) a mandolin was brought in to obtain large potato pieces for creaminess. Onions, white and green, brought color and more flavor. Then, the traditional Jewish favorite got what it needed. bacon. Ecco! 

The result?  Behold chi Spacca's "Fried DeNicola" liverbest  over "Nancy's 2 Grater"  Potato Pancake with bacon. "It's gonna be at all the Jewish delis," says Nancy. .   

No one's laughing at liverwurst anymore.. 

pp lb

 

 

 

 

LAPD To Increase Patrols Along Sunset Blvd. During Annual Feldmeier Bros. "Sip 'n Stumble"; Mass Protests Expected

In an effort to assuage public outrage over Saturday's Los Angeles City Council-approved Pub Crawl led by two Assyrian brothers, the LAPD announced it would increase both foot and horse-mounted patrols along the Sunset Boulevard route of what has been called "a drunken stumble of debauchery and arguments."

Reversing himself on a campaign promise, Los Angeles Mayor Eric Garcetti said he is bound constitutionally to allow the controversial "Cultural Stroll" along Sunset from Western Avenue to Downtown. However, in Friday's closed session of the City Council, Garcetti said he hopes it "rains like dogs and cats Saturday and the sip 'n stumble is canceled", according to sources..  

Both organizers of the pub crawl, where attendees stop at a bar for a drink then walk to the next bar for another until they reach Union Station, professed bewilderment over the negative response to the upcoming event. 

"I don't get the big uproar over a few guys having a beer or two and walking along one of the most famous streets in the world," said Chris Feldmeier, who, along  with his brother Duke, is organizing the event. "You would think people would welcome a group of culturally minded men who enjoy the city's incredibly diverse cultures and will not be on the roads driving."

The route will go through Little Armenia, Thai Town. Filipino Town, Michoacan North, Dodger Stadium South, Echo Park, and Chinatown. 

Duke Feldmeier, a professor of anthropology and Chris's brother, said the "stroll" will give participants "a ground-level view of some of the most vibrant cultures in the city. It is one thing to drive by and see the diversity, it is a completely different and enthralling experience to walk among the cultures."

Still,many weren't buying it.

"Cultural stroll, my ass, it's a sip 'n stumble if I every heard one," said Rabbi Golda Strichmarcs, who will lead a protest march at the point in the walk where  participants are expected to reach .20 blood alcohol level, (two-and-a-half times the legal limit). "Well, if you consider vomiting on public monuments cultural, then I guess it is accurately named."

In addition to a heavy LAPD, the FBI will be monitoring the "walk".  David Chang, Special Agent in Charge of the Los Angeles Field office, said it was a "no brainer"  the FBI would have an interest in the march  "Look at the guy in the photo below. He's the poster boy for a mid-level Al Qaeda commander." 

Meanwhile. Philippines president Rodrigo Duterte has offered to send a  representative, Francis Sebastian, to "represent Manila with all the class, curiosity  and open-mindedness for which we are famous." 

Both Feldmeiers rejected outright Duterte's offer. 

"I want to have fun," said Chris Feldmeier, "I do not, repeat, do not. want a two-hour lecture on Genghis Khan."

The list of announced walkers reads like a who's who of rambling drunks with opinions so fixed it would take a car bomb to dislodge them. One of them, Ken Epstein  - a Jew from Australia, which automatically makes him suspicious -. is perhaps best known - and loathed - for a Facebook comment that seemed to indicate he did not think Donald J. Trump is one of the five worst people in recorded history.

At press time, it was not known if Epstein's chief Facebook opponents, Ralph Waxman and Murray Rubinstein, would partake in the sip'n stumble. I mean Cultural Stroll.   

chris F

 

 

 

"I Have No Further Questions" - The People vs. The Mozza Journalist

                                                          "I HAVE NO FURTHER QUESTIONS"

ACT 1

EXT. LOS ANGLES CRIMINAL COURTS BUILDNG, DOWNTOWN - DAY
Throngs walk into the 20-story building. A man tosses a L.A. Times into a trash can. 

CLOSE - THE NEWSPAPER
The headline reads “Trial of Mozza Journalist Missing Deadline Begins”

INT. COURTROOM 112, 9TH FLOOR. ON A PLAQUE READS “JUDGE LANCE ITO”. 
Judge Lance Ito is presiding. Deputy District Attorney Marcia Clark approaches the witness stand where Michael Krikorian sits. At the defense table sits Johnnie Cochran. There is no jury as this is a bench trial, aka a trial by judge.

                                                                                CLARK
                                            Would you state to the courtroom your occupation? 
                                                                                KRIKORIAN
                                            I work at The Corner.
                                                                                CLARK
                                            Could you be less vague?
                                                                               COCHRAN
                                            Objection. She’s being combative. Some things don’t change. 
                                                                                ITO
                                            Overruled. The defendant will answer the question. 
                                                                               KRIKORIAN
                                            I work for Nancy Silverton on the corner of Highland and Melrose. 
                                                                               CLARK
                                            What is your position there?
                                                                               KRIKORIAN
                                            I am a Special Forces Oerator. I have a wide variety of                                                                                                                       tasks, some of which I cannot talk about.
                                                                               CLARK
                                            Okay, Mr. Mysterio. But, isn't it true you also work for one                                                                                                                 Christine Larroucau?
                                                                               KRIKORIAN
                                            If she needs me, I’m there. 
                                                                               CLARK
                                           And isn’t it true she often needs you to write up the fabled                                                                                                                Mozza Employee of the Month Award for, as you call it, “The Corner”?
                                                                              KRIKORIAN
                                          I’ve helped her, yes.
                                                                              CLARK
                                          You’re being modest, Mr. Krikorian Isn’t it true                                                                                                                                     you actually write most of them? 

Marcia Clark takes out a briefcase and pulls out a several sheets of paper. 

                                                                              CLARK (CONT’D)
                                          I’d like to submit these.
She hands the papers to a clerk. 
                                                                              CLARK (CONT’D)
                                          Submission People’s 1. These are at least seven                                                                                                                                 Employee on the Month awards you have written.                                                                                                                             To wit, Corina, Luis, Miguel, Cole, Jason...  
                                                                              COCHRAN
                                          Objection. Your honor, where is this going? This man is a                                                                                                                   Special Forces Operator who happens to be able to                                                                                                                         write. Is that a crime?
                                                                               CLARK
                                          May I proceed, your honor?
                                                                                ITO
                                          Proceed. 
                                                                               CLARK
                                          And in all of these profiles, or whatever you call them,                                                                                                                       you are always on time. You meet deadline. You're a journalist                                                                                                         in your other life. Isn’t that true?
                                                                                ITO
                                          Miss Clark, get to the point
                                                                               KRIKORIAN
                                          I’ll answer it. Yes. I’m a deadline journalist. 
                                                                              CLARK
                                          Now I would like to go back a couple months. Isn’t it true                                                                                                                 on or about February 27, this Miss Larroucau informed you of                                                                                                           the next two employees of the month? One being a Jason. 
                                                                              KRIKORIAN
                                         Who?
                                                                             CLARK. 
                                         Jason the Osteria Mozza server.
                                                                             KRIKORIAN
                                         Oh, yeah. Yes. 
                                                                             CLARK
                                         And she also told you the next employee of the                                                                                                                                  month after Jason.
                                                                             KRIKORIAN
                                        Yes.
                                                                             CLARK
                                        Was that unusual for her to tell you two employees of the                                                                                                                 months at the same time?
                                                                             KRIKORIAN
                                        Yes.
                                                                             CLARK
                                        So you had a long time to finish the second one. Why were you,                                                                                                     a deadline reporter, late with this month’s Employee of the Month                                                                                                   Award? Why did you miss deadline?  
                                                                             KRIKORIAN
                                        I, uh, I wanted to make this special.
                                                                             CLARK. 
                                        Why?
                                                                             KRIKORIAN
                                        Well, it’s a honor to get this award. People like to be                                                                                                                         honored at work. It makes them feel good. 
                                                                             CLARK
                                        But, the past winners were honored, too. They must have been special.                                                                                         You were on time for them. Why did you miss this deadline? Who was                                                                                             the winner? Tell us.
                                                                             COCHRAN
                                        Objection. She’s badgering the defendant. 
                                                                             JUDGE ITO
                                        Overruled. Answer the question. 
                                                                             KRIKORIAN
                                       Well, when I heard who it was, I wanted to make it just a little extra special. 
                                                                             JUDGE ITO
                                       Krikorian, answer the damn question. Who was this                                                                                                                            month’s employee of the month?
                                                                             KRIKORIAN
                                      Eva.
END OF ACT ONE

ACT 2

INT. COURTROOM - DAY

Everyone is in place again.

                                                                            JUDGE ITO
                                      Miss Clark, call your witness.

Marcia Clark addresses the court.
                                                                            CLARK
                                      The People call Anna Nguyen. 
Anna takes the witness stand.
                                                                             CLARK (CONT’D)
                                       What do you do for a living?
                                                                             ANNA
                                       I work at the Mozzarella Bar with Nancy Silverton  at                                                                                                                          Osteria Mozza located on The Corner.                                                                                                                           
                                                                            CLARK
                                       Ah, the Corner, again. Must be fun. 
Marcia Clark takes a CD and approaches the judge.
                                                                            CLARK (CONT’D)
                                       Your honor the People would like to play this CD.

Krikorian leans over to Cochran.
                                                                             KRIKORIAN
                                         Sinatra? Coltrane?
                                                                            JUDGE ITO
                                         Miss Clark you can play the CD. 

The courtroom darkens and a large monitor plays a video.

THE VIDEO
Anna is at the South Side of the Mozzarella Bar with Osteria line cook Kirsten Mayell and the defendant.  

                                                                          ANNA
                                       So when is the next Employee of the Month?
                                                                         KRIKORIAN
                                       Wednesday. It will be turned in by 5 pm.
                                                                         KIRSTEN
                                       Who is it?
                                                                         KRIKORIAN
                                       Can’t say yet. Only my editor Chile Rico can announce it.  
                                                                         ANNA
                                       Have you ever missed a deadline for Chile Rico?
                                                                         KRIKORIAN
                                       Never.
                                                                         KIRSTEN
                                       Never ever?
                                                                         KRIKORIAN
                                       Never ever.

The video ends. The Courtroom lights come back on. 

                                                                         CLARK
                                        Do you know the date of the “Wednesday” the                                                                                 defendant refers to was April 4th?
                                                                         ANNA
                                        Yes. Something like that.
                                                                         CLARK
                                         Can you tell the courtroom what the date is today?
                                                                         ANNA
                                         I think it’s April 18th, 19th. Something like that.
                                                                         CLARK
                                         I have no further questions.

Johnnie Cochran approaches the witness. 
                                                                        COCHRAN
                                         Good afternoon, Miss Anna. You are looking quite                                                                                                                              lovely today.
                                                                         CLARK
                                         Objection. He’s flattering the witness to get her                                                                                                                                  on his side.
                                                                        JUDGE ITO
                                         Overruled. She does look good. Continue, Mister Cochran. 
                                                                        COCHRAN
                                        Thank you, your honor.  Now, do you know Eva?
                                                                        ANNA
                                        I know who she is. I don’t know her well. But, she seems                                                                                                                   awfully nice. 
                                                                       COCHRAN
                                        And Mr. Krikorian here, does he seem the type to hastily                                                                                                                   write something on a employee like this?
                                                                       CLARK
                                        Objection. The point of the trial is did he meet deadline,                                                                                                                   not if he wrote “Anna Karenina” about this Ava lady.
                                                                       KRIKORIAN
                                        Eva. Not Ava.
                                                                      JUDGE ITO
                                       The defendant will remain quiet when he is not on                                                                                                                             the stand,
                                                                      KRIKORIAN
                                        I was just righting a wrong..
                                                                      JUDGE ITO
                                       And any further outbursts and I will have the bailiffs                                                                                                                          restrain you. 
                                                                     JUDGE ITO (CONT’D)
                                       Continue, Mr. Cochran. 
                                                                     COCHRAN
                                       Have you read the last seven or so Employee of the Month                                                                                                              awards written mostly by my client?
                                                                     ANNA
                                       Yes. I’ve enjoyed them all. Even the people I don’t know. 
                                                                     COCHRAN
                                       I have no further questions.
                                                                     JUDGE ITO
                                       Miss Clark, your next witness?
                                                                     CLARK
                                       The People call Christine Larroucau.
Christine takes the stand
                                                                    CLARK (CONT’D)
                                       What do you do for a living?
                                                                    CHRISTINE
                                       I am the general manager of Pizzeria Mozza located...
                                                                    CLARK
                                       Wait. Don't tell me. Located on The Corner?

                                                                    CHRISTINE                                                                                                                                                                  That's correct.

                                                                    CLARK                                                                                                                                                                        And isn’t it true, among you many duties,  you are                                                                                                                              more or less in charge of the coveted Employee of                                                                                                                            the Month Award? 
                                                                    CHRISTINE
                                        I don’t decide it, but I am among several who vote.      
                                                                    CLARK
                                        But, you have the task of putting the award together,                                                                                                                         having it written, editing it, making the presentation                                                                                                                           and such. Isn’t that true?
                                                                   CHRISTINE
                                      Yes.
                                                                   CLARK
                                      And the title of the award is Employee of the Month,                                                                                                                         correct?
                                                                   COCHRAN
                                      Objection. Asked and answered. Already established.
                                                                   JUDGE ITO
                                      Overruled. Answer the question.
                                                                    CHRISTINE
                                      Yes, it is. 
                                                                    CLARK
                                      Are you aware that the last employee of the so-called                                                                                                                       “Month”, Jason, was honored around February 9th or                                                                                                                        thereabouts? 
                                                                   CHRISTINE
                                     I’m not sure the exact date, but something like that.
                                                                   CLARK
                                    And are you aware that today is April 19?
                                                                   CHRISTINE
                                    Something like that.
                                                                   CLARK
                                    So in your Mozza world does that mean the month                                                                                                                             of March does not exist?
                                                                   COCHRAN
                                    Objection She is badgering the witness.
                                                                   JUDGE ITO
                                    Overruled. Miss Larroucau, please answer the question.
                                                                   CHRISTINE
                                    March was a crazy month at Mozza. Nancy was gone a lot.                                                                                                               So was I. March went by in a blur. And let me just say that is not                                                                                                       unusual for more than a single month to go by without an Employee                                                                                               of the Month Award given out.
                                                                   CLARK
                                    Maybe you should rename the award the “Employee of the Every 9 Weeks”.                                                                                 I have no further.
                                                                  JUDGE ITO
                                    Mister Cochran?
Johnnie approaches the witness.
                                                                   COCHRAN.
                                    You sure look lovely today, Miss Larroucau.
                                                                   CLARK.
                                    Jesus Christ. I knew that was coming. Here we go again.
                                                                   JUDGE ITO
                                    Once again, I concur, Mister Cochran. 
                                                                    CLARK
                                    Like I didn’t know that.
                                                                    COCHRAN
                                    Now, though your legal and birth name is Christine Larroucau,                                                                                                         you are also known by many at The Corner by another name.                                                                                                         Isn’t that true?
                                                                   CHRISTINE.
                                    Yes. 
                                                                   COCHRAN
                                    And that name is Chile Rico, correct? 
                                                                   CHILE RICO
                                    Si. Yes.
                                                                   COCHRAN
                                    And who gave you that name?
                                                                   CHILE RICO
                                    Frank. I mean Michael

                                                                    COCHRAN
                                    And why is that your name, Miss Rico?
                                                                   CHILE RICO
                                    My father is from Chile, by way of Basque Spain and my mother                                                                                                       is from Puerto Rico.
                                                                   CLARK
                                    Objection.  What the hell does this woman’s geographical background                                                                                           have to do with the case? This man is charged with missing deadline,                                                                                             not giving this witness a nickname. 
                                                                   JUDGE ITO
                                    Overruled. Besides, Beside, I like the name Chile Rico.                                                                                                                     Continue, Mister Cochran.
                                                                   CLARK
                                    Good thing her father wasn’t from Madagascar and her mother from                                                                                               Uzbekistan.  
                                                                  JUDGE ITO
                                    Miss Clark. Please refrain from those type of comments. Mister                                                                                                       Cochran. 
                                                                  COCHRAN. 
                                    Now, Miss Rico,  you and the defendant, Mr. Krikorian,  when you                                                                                                     two text, it’s in, like, a special code. 
                                                                 CHILE RICO.
                                    It’s bit complicated. But, it’s a mix of Spanish, English,  some slang                                                                                                   and, ocassionally, a little French. 
                                                                 CLARK
                                    Objection. Irrelevant. What the hell does that have to do with this                                                                                                   case? They could text each other in Swahili and it would not matter                                                                                                 to this case. 
                                                                COCHRAN
                                    Your honor, if I am allowed to continue this line of questioning, it                                                                                                      will become obvious as to the relevance of this special language. 
                                                                JUDGE ITO
                                    Proceed. But, I’m warning you, Mister Cochran. get to the point quickly. 

Cochran produces a cell phone. 
                                                                COCHRAN
                                    Your honor, I’d like to admit this cell phone into the proceedings. 
                                                                JUDGE ITO
                                    Granted.
                                                                COCHRAN
                                    This is the defendant’s phone.

Johnnie takes the phone, pushes some buttons and it is displayed on the monitor for all to see. 

On the monitor reads. 
MICHAEL -‘LO SIENTO HAVE NOT GOT TU EVA
CHILE - NO ES UN PROBLEMA
CHILE - TIENES ALL LE TIEMPOS
MICHAEL - TU KNOW YO QUERER TO DO THIS UNO RIGHT

The monitor is turned off.  

Johnnie Cochran approaches Chile Rico again.
                                                                COCHRAN (CONT’D)
                                    Can you translate this?
                                                                CHILE RICO
                                    Michael is telling me he’s sorry for not having sent me the latest                                                                                                      Employee of the Month Award, which is for Eva,
                                                               COCHRAN
                                     And these lines from you, first “No es un problema”                                                                                                                          followed by a "Tienes all le tiempo“. 
                                                               CHILE RICO
                                    That it is “not a problem” and to “take all the time”.
                                                               COCHRAN
                                    I’m sorry, Miss Rico. Could you repeat that. 
                                                               CHILE RICO
                                    It’s not a problem, take all the time
                                                               COCHRAN
                                   Your honor, I have no further questions.
                                                              JUDGE ITO
                                   Miss Clark, your next witness.
                                                              CLARK
                                   I think the People have proved without a shadow of a doubt                                                                                                            that defendant is guilty as charged of not meeting deadline.                                                                                                            The people rest.
END OF ACT 2

ACT 3
The courtroom fills up again after a brief recess.  

                                                             JUDGE ITO
                                    Mister Cochran. Would you like to call any witnesses?
                                                             COCHRAN
                                    Only one witness, your honor. 
                                                             JUDGE ITO.
                                   Proceed then.
                                                             COCHRAN
                                   The defense calls Eva Gallner. 

A slight gasp goes through the courtroom gallery.

Eva Gallner walks in the courtroom doors, rather struts in.  High heels and, surprisingly, a stunning Marni dress. She walks by a stylish woman in the gallery. The woman grabs Eva’s wrist as she walks by and whispers to her. 
                                                              WOMAN
                                     Don’t spill any Budweiser on Nancy’s dress.

Eva continues to the witness stand. Johnnie Cochran and Judge Ito look at each other and nod. Marcia Clark rolls her eyes. Eva looks at Michael.
                                                               EVA
                                      Hi, Frank. 
                                                               MICHAEL
                                      Hi, Olive.
                                                               CLARK
                                      Jesus Christ! Objection. This is a courtroom of law,                                                                                                                             not Pizzeria Mozza. We're not on the goddamn Corner!
                                                               JUDGE ITO
                                      Miss Clark, relax.   Mister Cochran, proceed.
                                                               JOHNNIE COCHRAN
                                      Good afternoon, Miss Gallner.
                                                               EVA
                                      Hello, Mister Johnnie.
Johnnie Cochran smiles big.
                                                              COCHRAN
                                      I have no further questions.
The courtroom gallery is stunned.
                                                              JUDGE ITO
                                      What do you mean? You haven’t even asked                                                                                                                                       a single question of this witness. Your only witness.
                                                              COCHRAN
                                      Your honor, I don’t need to. Anyone can plainly see that                                                                                                                   this lady here would require an extra week or so to                                                                                                                           properly write an Employee of the Month Award.                                                                                                                               The defense rests.
                                                           JUDGE ITO
                                       Your call. Miss Clark. Any cross examination? 
                                                           MARICA CLARK
                                       Oh, what’s the point? I have no questions.
                                                          JUDGE ITO
                                       Sidebar.
Johnnie Cochran, Marcia Clark and Judge Ito confer for about 20 seconds then the two lawyers go back to their tables.
                                                          JUDGE ITO (CONT’D)
                                       Since the defendant asked for judge trial, not jury trial, I have quickly reached a verdict.  

The tension rises in the courtroom.

                                                          JUDGE ITO (CONT’D)
                                        The defendant shall rise.

Krikorian and his lawyer stand up.

                                                         JUDGE ITO (CONT’D)
                                         I, the judge, find the defendant, Michael “Frank” Krikorian                                                                                                                guilty of the crime of missing deadline.
The courtroom gasps.
                                                         JUDGE ITO (CONT’D)
                                          And I hereby sentence you to 10 years on The Corner.
                                                        KRIKORIAN
                                          Hmmp.  I could do another 10.

 Eva does that Kirk Gibson double clutch. Krikorian, Johnnie, the entire gallery, all the witnesses, they all loudly cheer!            Even Marcia Clark smiles.

                                                                    THE END

johnnie cochran dashing to the trial of the century 

johnnie cochran dashing to the trial of the century